I wish I could punch you.

[FunorFitness]

Dp and I had a stupid row yesterday. I will detail it anyway just because I don't want to drip feed or anything later.

We were watching the F1 and talking about the colours of the tyres, I am a new fan and only started watching this year.

I mentioned that they only have 3 colours, red yellow and white. He insisted there were 7 colours (we agree there are additional wet tyres). Anyway he is getting really het up about it and gloating that he is right, he had watched F1 for 20 years why would do I think I know better than him when I have only watched this year.
So I say well I have only seen those 3 colours so far this year, and he says ohhhhh so if you haven't seen them they don't exist. So I say no, that's not what i said, I just said I haven't seen any other colour, which race were they in?

By this point he is being really quite nasty and blowing it up out of proportion, so I was trying to put it on more of a conversational tone by asking which race, letting him educate me and diffuse the situation a bit.

Well he said Monaco. And I said they haven't raced at Monaco yet.

So he stood up and said really nastily, I wish I could punch you sometimes.

Now he has 6 stone on me so to have him stood over me basically saying he wants to punch me is not acceptable so I told him to leave.

So the point of my post is that I feel like he crossed a line with that comment, I felt threatened, he is a good 6 an a half stone heavier than me, expressing a wish to punch me is just not on. Next time maybe he won't be able to hold back.

Am I over reacting? Is it just a throw away comment and I am twisting it? He didn't say he was going to punch me, just that he wished he could.

Keep posting if you feel a wobble coming on.
I'm impressed with all your fitness! What do you do in 'bootcamp'?
I started going to boxercise a couple of weeks ago as I was feeling a bit stiff and slow and am rather enjoying it. The hour flies by.

You need to keep the relationship ended.

This is a threat. He’s reminding you that he could punch you and it would hurt/ do some damage, and that you wouldn’t be able to stop him.

Don't be fooled, I am doing great so far but have been at this point on many occasions. It's staying strong when he tried to wheedle his way back in that will be the struggle.

Yes that is the hard part - we are here for you

Don’t engage when he tries to wheedle his way back in. Don’t newer the door to him, don’t answer calls if he manages to get through to you, just don’t engage.

You’ve broken up, it’s not up for debate.

@Beamur

Keep posting if you feel a wobble coming on. I'm impressed with all your fitness! What do you do in 'bootcamp'? I started going to boxercise a couple of weeks ago as I was feeling a bit stiff and slow and am rather enjoying it. The hour flies by.

Bootcamp camp is pretty much circuits with some running I think (I've never actually done circuits) so things like battle ropes, weighted bag squats, kettle bell swings, pushups etc.

Well my fitness hobby is another thing he likes to get at me over. During the first year of our relationship I gained 2 stone and he would call me fat when we argued but tell me how sexy I was when we were happy.

Just after Christmas we split up and I started working out, firstly at bootcamp and I have added my other hobbies in. I really enjoy the exercise and feel amazing afterwards.

I am now 3 stone lighter and he swings between telling me how proud he is of me and how amazing I look to telling me I am boring, to have a day off, I'm teachers pet at bootcamp, I am only doing it so muscle men will fancy me and then saying things like, you can't really call those boobs now can you.

He thinks the nasty comments are ok because he compliments me so much at other times.

He is quite overweight himself so feels threatened by my new lifestyle.

This thread is reminding me of all the horrible things he does and says and it really does help, it means so much knowing you are all here. Sorry if you are getting fed up of me now

He really is horrid and always has been!!!

Sorry if you are getting fed up of me now

Nobody is forcing posters to read or respond!

Keep posting, it is clearly helping to keep you strong - and this thread may also help other women who are dithering about ending toxic relationships.

Wow. Well done you. That's some achievement.
I think this is actually a really good example of his belittling of you being about control. You've taken care of yourself, got fit, healthy and strong and instead of celebrating your changes, it's made him insecure.

@FunorFitness

He is quite overweight himself so feels threatened by my new lifestyle.
Got it in one, OP. He's trying to pull you down in any way he knows, to keep you where he wants you.

Don't doubt yourself please. You are doing absolutely the right thing for both your mental and physical health. Here's to a better future for you - stay strong. 🌹

Still all quiet here, I have been to my sisters and am going to see a friend for a little while.

I am wondering if it had really been this easy! This is the longest we have gone without talking at all. I honestly don't know whether he is changing his pics or whatever cos I actually don't care and haven't attempted to look.

Massive progress and I think this time it's going to stick.

Sounds like the spell is well and truly broken!

Well done! You definitely sound like you you’re in control and not going to let him weasel his way back in. Now you e written these things down in black and white, must be much easier to stay resolved

You’re doing so amazingly!! Wish I had your bloody work ethic for getting fit

I wonder if you’re feeling a bit weirded out and maybe even sad that you haven’t heard from him. Or is it just that you’re “waiting for the other shoe to drop” ie in suspense? Either way it’s fine and normal - just please please do not reach out to him, unblock him, ask anyone how he is. He’s only interested in power play and whatever he’s doing, he thinks it’ll work on you. Are you able to see friends and keep cheerful enough?

It's just a case of finding an exercise you enjoy. Took my sister to beatbox today, she loved it too.

Honestly? I do feel a bit apprehensive that he hasn't tried to get on touch, in a kind of, is this really it, like I can't really relax because I am expecting something. It's never been this easy.

I guess he could of had enough too? And realised that it's time to call it a day. I doubt it and that why I feel a bit anxious but also just enjoying the peace while it lasts and keeping myself busy.

I mean he probably will wander back into your life (or rather - try to) at some point. I heard from someone recently I dumped years ago! But you’ll find it easier and easier to stop thinking and worrying about it I’m sure.

I guess now would be a really good time to look into the freedom programme etc if you haven’t already done it. Sure right now you never want to date again but realistically you will! And when you do you want to make sure that you’re as “bastard proof” as possible! Haha sorry that sounds bad but you know what I mean.

What’s a good exercise for someone who is crap at exercise (A bit overweight + asthma) by the way? Ok strength wise but get out of breath v quick.

It was never this easy because you never blocked him before. He will be sad facing all over SM as usual but this time you are not looking.

Oh yes I didn't think of that. He probably thinks it is getting back to me too.

My sister asked me to go out tonight whilst we still can but I know that will get back to him, it always does and I think for now I would rather not take chances of bumping into him (small town). It's football day so he will have been in the pub all day.

My absolute best friend ever is coming to stay tomorrow for a few days, she is having relationship issues so was already coming anyway. I am sure she will be keeping me from unblocking him if I waiver. I don't feel tempted at all though.

@WitchWife

I mean he probably will wander back into your life (or rather - try to) at some point. I heard from someone recently I dumped years ago! But you’ll find it easier and easier to stop thinking and worrying about it I’m sure.

I guess now would be a really good time to look into the freedom programme etc if you haven’t already done it. Sure right now you never want to date again but realistically you will! And when you do you want to make sure that you’re as “bastard proof” as possible! Haha sorry that sounds bad but you know what I mean.

What’s a good exercise for someone who is crap at exercise (A bit overweight + asthma) by the way? Ok strength wise but get out of breath v quick.

I don't know much about asthma and wouldn't want to recommend anything specifically as safe but when I started at my bootcamp I was very unfit and we have such a variety in our group. Everyone goes at their own pace and rests when needed. We have people that run, people that walk and people who mix it up as much as they can.

I have found that with every class I have done that the participants range from slim and active to quite overweight and unfit but I have never seen anyone judged or pushed too hard.

I love group exercise, it feels like you are all in it together!

That sounds nice! I think I always imagine it full of very judgemental already fit people.

Is it mean that I’m chuckling at the idea of him sad facing all over Facebook and you not taking a blind bit of notice? I love it

That's exactly what I thought it would be like but it hasn't been the case. My sister thought the same this morning, she has been putting off coming with me but she is glad she bit the bullet.

When he posts all of social media he thinks people are judging me but to be honest he has done it that much that people are just laughing at him.

He posted the other month, can't believe my ex has joined my gym.

Someone posted, you have been in and out of that relationship more than you have ever been in the gym.

He was trying to make me look like I was desperately following him about when in reality he had been the gym twice in 18 months and that was ages ago. I went more than that in the first week.

Well I heard nothing over the weekend which was a relief. Then came into work this morning to an email.

A while week has past without seeing you or hearing your voice. I miss you so bad.

So I replied saying he is a nasty aggressive man and I am better without him. Please leave me alone.

To which he said "you are not better without me, we are a team"

so I just said this is my work email. Don't use it again.

That is clear isn't it. I am adding him to junk/spam senders now.

I feel a bit sick, I was doing so well and he has put me on the back foot.

He was bound to get in touch again OP - they always bloody do!

How dare he tell you that you are not better off without him - what a controlling arse!

Glad you have put him in your junk folder - in the trash is where he belongs.

Get busy busy busy with your life and distract yourself as much as possible. I know it's hard - I am a real over thinker and find it difficult to take my own advice

He will be hard to shake loose but you’ve got to persevere he is a horrible nasty man.

He is used to the make-up/break-up cycle - the penny will drop sooner or later depending on how thick he is