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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I wish I could punch you.

419 replies

FunorFitness · 07/09/2020 07:33

Dp and I had a stupid row yesterday. I will detail it anyway just because I don't want to drip feed or anything later.

We were watching the F1 and talking about the colours of the tyres, I am a new fan and only started watching this year.

I mentioned that they only have 3 colours, red yellow and white. He insisted there were 7 colours (we agree there are additional wet tyres). Anyway he is getting really het up about it and gloating that he is right, he had watched F1 for 20 years why would do I think I know better than him when I have only watched this year.
So I say well I have only seen those 3 colours so far this year, and he says ohhhhh so if you haven't seen them they don't exist. So I say no, that's not what i said, I just said I haven't seen any other colour, which race were they in?

By this point he is being really quite nasty and blowing it up out of proportion, so I was trying to put it on more of a conversational tone by asking which race, letting him educate me and diffuse the situation a bit.

Well he said Monaco. And I said they haven't raced at Monaco yet.

So he stood up and said really nastily, I wish I could punch you sometimes.

Now he has 6 stone on me so to have him stood over me basically saying he wants to punch me is not acceptable so I told him to leave.

So the point of my post is that I feel like he crossed a line with that comment, I felt threatened, he is a good 6 an a half stone heavier than me, expressing a wish to punch me is just not on. Next time maybe he won't be able to hold back.

Am I over reacting? Is it just a throw away comment and I am twisting it? He didn't say he was going to punch me, just that he wished he could.

OP posts:
Parky04 · 08/09/2020 12:55

Fancy having a full blown argument over the colour of tyres! He sounds like an arse hole and you are well rid! I'm going for 5 colours by the way!

Bunnymumy · 08/09/2020 13:01

Haha yeah 'aww diddums he is sad because he has lost his faverote victim, aww the poor thing. Now whatever will he use as an emotional punching bag? Whatever will he do without a mouse to play with? How on earth will he cope going a whole day without being a bastard to someone he is supposed to care about?' xD

Its not like the loss of a person to him, it's more like the loss of a toy. Fuck his 'feelings'.

Shoxfordian · 08/09/2020 13:10

Make yourself a really long list of all the reasons he's a knob to refer to if you're ever tempted to message him

Beamur · 08/09/2020 13:11

Wisdom comes from experience Wink

AryaStarkWolf · 08/09/2020 14:43

Your husband battered you, are you gonna go back to him.

I mean this makes it so much worse, what he said. Obviously a disgusting thing to say to anyone but especially when you know that person was in an abusive relationship previously. Stay strong OP

Happynow001 · 08/09/2020 14:49

@Beamur

Wisdom comes from experience Wink

Plus distance, and the collective mind.

TorkTorkBam · 08/09/2020 14:57

When you think about how good he was helping you get rid of your ex, remember that he had already decided he wanted you for himself. It wasn't altruistic. He wasn't thinking of your needs, he was removing obstacles to having his desires delivered.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 08/09/2020 15:28

Whilst what he said was pretty bad anyway, the fact he knew your exh was physically abusive makes it even more despicable. Victim blaming and an implied "no wonder."

And as for attempting to get you to do the pick me dance between you and your sister, that's a dumpable offence alone.

Rigamorph · 08/09/2020 15:40

Have read all the OPs posts and I think you are doing brilliantly and have my full support!

It's obviously not a major issue in the grand scheme of things, but I think maybe it's not right about the WhatsApp picture change meaning you have been blocked? Loads of my contacts currently have no picture (although most of these are groups) and it's not because I have been blocked?

LannieDuck · 08/09/2020 15:55

Hold strong, OP. Even without the threats to hit you, he was shouting at you because you disagreed with him when he was wrong, and he won't apologise. That's not someone I would want to be in a relationship with.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 08/09/2020 15:59

You did the right thing asking him to leave. Maybe next time he will punch you. He's vile and you should never have anything to do with him again.

redastherose · 08/09/2020 21:44

Just wanted to say you have done the right thing. My ex used to say to be 'if I were a different sort of man I'd hit you' when we argued. It was an implied threat to shut up or I may change my mind and become that sort of man! It is a warning basically so please don't relent this time and keep him blocked.

Original poster
FunorFitness · 08/09/2020 21:51

I don't go around wishing I could punch people, it just doesn't occur to me even when they are getting on my wick.

Not heard a peep from or about him so far. Been to my boxing aerobics class today which got the endorphins pumping and back to the office tomorrow.

Keeping busy!

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 09/09/2020 06:05

Remember he'll 'punish' you for a few days so don't expect the begging just yet.

troublingtimes · 09/09/2020 06:43

Stay busy. I expect he will contact you after the weekend or try to. Stand firm.

WitchWife · 09/09/2020 09:49

@TooTrueToBeGood “ Block him if you like but you don't need technology to get him out of your life. You need to believe in your own self-worth enough to tell him clearly and decisively to fuck right off forever.”

I love this! It’s very very true. OP I also had a supportive friend for years & when we finally did get together he was the biggest mindfuck ever and a real dickhead! It was so much more hurtful because you think they’re a good person and you have relied on them. But I realised that sadly this was the real him and the “illusion” was the kind friend I’d known. I still don’t get why he behaved like that but I’ve learnt not to give a fuck about WHY and just accept that he’s cruel. Your ex is cruel too. Remember that. Maybe make a list of all the times he’s made you cry and keep it just in case.

Rammingspeed · 09/09/2020 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FunorFitness · 09/09/2020 15:18

[quote WitchWife]@TooTrueToBeGood “ Block him if you like but you don't need technology to get him out of your life. You need to believe in your own self-worth enough to tell him clearly and decisively to fuck right off forever.”

I love this! It’s very very true. OP I also had a supportive friend for years & when we finally did get together he was the biggest mindfuck ever and a real dickhead! It was so much more hurtful because you think they’re a good person and you have relied on them. But I realised that sadly this was the real him and the “illusion” was the kind friend I’d known. I still don’t get why he behaved like that but I’ve learnt not to give a fuck about WHY and just accept that he’s cruel. Your ex is cruel too. Remember that. Maybe make a list of all the times he’s made you cry and keep it just in case.[/quote]
I just dint know why they do it, it's like they spent so long waiting for the prize that when they get it they are terrified of losing it so have to chip away at you and keep you in your place. I'm sorry you went through it too.

Well work was a success, so nice to catch up with everyone, no emails from him either.

Two sessions at the gym tonight so won't have time to be wondering about him. Busy busy is the key I think.

Thanks for the encouragement and support.

OP posts:
WitchWife · 09/09/2020 16:47

So glad you had a good day! Enjoy the endorphins tonight, it’s just what you need Smile

WitchDancer · 09/09/2020 16:55

You are doing fantastically well!

Have you warned your sister he might be trying to use her as a flying monkey? If she knows he threatened you with violence it will give her the information to tell him to do one if he does get in touch.

Original poster
FunorFitness · 10/09/2020 07:37

Another uneventful night Grin I have gathered together all the hits he has left here and bagged it up so when he inevitably asks for it, it is ready.

I might just drop it off at his cousins for him to collect and his cousin can let him know. Then he doesn't have any excuse to contact me.

I don't know what he is doing with his profile pictures, deleting him as a contact was a stroke of genius. I obviously am still thinking about it and wondering what will be next but at least I can't see it and get drawn in.

He usually posts all kinds of derogatory crap about me on Facebook but all his friends have given him so much crap over that on the last year That I think he has learnt that lesson.

OP posts:
WitchDancer · 10/09/2020 09:00

I think dropping his stuff off at his cousins is a good idea - it gives you control and you won't be constantly wondering when he will come to pick it up.

AryaStarkWolf · 10/09/2020 09:59

Yeah drop his stuff at his cousins. Get him out of your life for good

netsybetsy · 10/09/2020 16:26

You are doing so well OP! This is how to handle dickheads - you are very impressive! Grin

Original poster
FunorFitness · 10/09/2020 16:50

Don't be fooled, I am doing great so far but have been at this point on many occasions. It's staying strong when he tried to wheedle his way back in that will be the struggle.

I feel determined though and the support here helps.

Bootcamp tonight, healthy body, healthy mind or whatever they say.

OP posts:
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