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Original poster

DH says we’re too old for oral sex!

282 replies

OldGirl72 · 06/09/2020 12:02

I’ve re registered here after years of not being on MN to get opinions on this as can’t talk to anyone in RL.

DH recently decreed that we were too old (51 and 48) for oral sex and that he only wanted to have missionary position sex from now on. He thinks ‘dirty’ sex is for the young uns and feels weird about doing it nowHmm. I always known he didn’t really like doing it to me but he was good at it and seemed to enjoy it when he got going. It never made him aroused though. He definitely enjoyed me doing it to him and I’ve got quite good at it over the last few years.

Obviously I’m pretty upset about this as sex is pretty pointless for me without an orgasm (only get them through oral really) and I’m thinking that this is grounds for divorce!

Is this normal at his age? Any opinions?

Cant post in the sex forum as just joined. Apologies for any offence caused at a sensitive topic.

OP posts:
PussGirl · 06/09/2020 19:44

Smelly just means having a smell. I wasn't meaning fannies particularly - did I say that? Sweat / armpits have a smell.

Glitteris · 06/09/2020 19:46

@OldGirl72 so he wants sex that only gives him pleasure?...

That's hilarious 🤣

Men really need to be taught that oral sex and actually spending time on sex should be normal not two pumps and done ✅

Helmetbymidnight · 06/09/2020 19:47

riiight. Hmm

labazsisgoingmad · 06/09/2020 19:48

well i wouldnt stand for that. im mid 50s and my partner is early 60s and we have a lot of oral sex not to mention lots and lots of other dirty sex!

SoulofanAggron · 06/09/2020 19:53

Also, OP, regarding whether you are smelly now you are older, according to DP, young women are a lot smellier!

unnecessary, untrue and misogynistic.

@Helmetbymidnight I'm sure PP's partner didn't mean it that way, he was just trying to reassure OP who might've worried her partner has gone off oral due to a change in smell, based on some people's queries- which is unlikely to be so.

'Smellier' may seem insultative but I think it's just an everyday way of putting it. He didn't mean it in a bad way really, but was saying that younger women have a stronger fragrance.

I imagine they do, at least compared to post- menopausal women (which maybe doesn't include OP and PP, IDK.)

Younger women will have more hormones, pheromones and secretions that will lead to a more pungent scent.

But I don't think that's OP's husband's issue, anyway.

Jolonglegs · 06/09/2020 19:54

I'm aware that oral sex can be an issue for some individuals, esp men who seem to like it doing to them but don't like reciprocating. As others have said, you need to have a frank discussion about what you both like.
DP and I both like oral sex, but know other couples who don't: its a personnel thing. And age should have nothing to do with it.

Angrymum22 · 06/09/2020 20:01

I recently had to work with a young girl (17j who had very obviously had sex the night before and failed to have a good wash in the morning. The smell was foul and lingered in the room after she went out. I was quite embarrassed seeing patients in the same room since they would probably think it was me. I had a quiet word with her in the end, I suspect that no one had told her about the post sex smell when you don’t use a condom. It’s on the same level as dog shit on your shoe or baby with a full nappy.
If you always use condoms you’ve probably never smelt it. I have a latex allergy so have never used condoms with DH and I’m very aware of the smell men leave behind. On an evolutionary, biological level it’s probably a deterrent to other men trying to impregnate you. It’s a pretty powerful deterrent.
The smell is very distinctive and would put me off.

suggestionsplease1 · 06/09/2020 20:04

What about using dental dams?

PaternosterLoft · 06/09/2020 20:10

@suggestionsplease1

What about using dental dams?
I don't think it's anything to do with taste or smell or anything - OP's DH has declared he no longer wants to make any more effort than the absolute minimum he currently does. He's happy with his 3-4 pumps - he's declared he is no longer willing to do anything to ensure OP is satisfied.
SoulofanAggron · 06/09/2020 20:18

3-4 pumps

I know I've said this before, but can I just say this is so, so, bad.

@OldGirl72 You might consider opting out of penetrative 'sex' where he only puts in this much effort. I imagine it's virtually anti-sex, in as much as it can't be very arousing/impressive. If he wants to 'take the edge off' he could have a wank beforehand. But as men get older they maybe find it less easy to go again.

In which case, he needs to google or in some other way find techniques to get round his premature ejaculation, and work at it. Otherwise, this is beyond the pale really.

Some men find a numbing cream hepful, which reduces the sensation.

PussGirl · 06/09/2020 20:22

Soulof - yes exactly, thank you

MitziK · 06/09/2020 20:27

@Angrymum22

I recently had to work with a young girl (17j who had very obviously had sex the night before and failed to have a good wash in the morning. The smell was foul and lingered in the room after she went out. I was quite embarrassed seeing patients in the same room since they would probably think it was me. I had a quiet word with her in the end, I suspect that no one had told her about the post sex smell when you don’t use a condom. It’s on the same level as dog shit on your shoe or baby with a full nappy. If you always use condoms you’ve probably never smelt it. I have a latex allergy so have never used condoms with DH and I’m very aware of the smell men leave behind. On an evolutionary, biological level it’s probably a deterrent to other men trying to impregnate you. It’s a pretty powerful deterrent. The smell is very distinctive and would put me off.
That's bacterial vaginosis.
Blushingm · 06/09/2020 20:30

I'm 42 and love oral - he's soooooo wrong

Ps I love dirty sex too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Blwoingbubbles · 06/09/2020 21:01

I may be making wild assumptions here but the nature of being so final about it and calling it ‘dirty’ adds an element of shame which is quite worrying. Could he be gay?

WouldBeGood · 06/09/2020 21:09

I would definitely be considering splitting. Life’s too short and he sounds uninspiring and no fun. The age thing is just an excuse in my view. Do you think there’s anything else going on with him?

shazzz1xx · 06/09/2020 22:15

buy a bullet from eBay and use it while your having ‘normal sex’ you will orgasm pretty quick they are good and only about £5

SoulofanAggron · 06/09/2020 22:36

@MitziK Sex does have its own smell which isn't a sign of disease or anything.

But we're going off topic now. x

MitziK · 06/09/2020 22:53

[quote SoulofanAggron]@MitziK Sex does have its own smell which isn't a sign of disease or anything.

But we're going off topic now. x[/quote]
It's not 'foul', though. BV makes the unpleasant smell.

Justaboy · 06/09/2020 23:11

Gawd! this is all grim reading!

I'm now 69 and i love a LOT of 6//9 too:)

Nothinig nicer then the taste and smell of a woman and the sounds she makes whilst that way round and then lack fo an Orgasm for the woman:(??? thats the biggest turnon for me a woman at that lovely point of no return, whoopie doo!!:)

FortunesFave · 07/09/2020 04:59

there are two bodies in the equation and only one of them is being asked to live without orgasms for the rest of their life.

If OP can't find another way to orgasm then there might be an issue with her; I can't believe that she cannot orgasm any other way. There's manual masturbation to consider. Why should her husband HAVE to go down on her?

Namechanged1010 · 07/09/2020 07:53

Him pronouncing that you won't be doing oral anymore is incredibly clinical and makes me wonder if there is a wider agenda?

Can't force him if he doesn't want to but that works both ways as well, which might be what he wants.

The only time I noticed that oral got slightly less for us was during lockdown and I couldn't go to the beauticians which include for me a full wax as he loves me being smooth, and I'm not keen shaving below since experiencing how much better waxing was. But realising why, I used the razor and normal service was resumed lol.

Never had a man that didn't love oral but not all keen if hairy

MulticolourMophead · 07/09/2020 08:11

@FortunesFave

there are two bodies in the equation and only one of them is being asked to live without orgasms for the rest of their life.

If OP can't find another way to orgasm then there might be an issue with her; I can't believe that she cannot orgasm any other way. There's manual masturbation to consider. Why should her husband HAVE to go down on her?

No one's saying he has to go down on her, but he doesn't appear to want to do anything for her, just use her as a hole for missionary sex.
Somefantasticplace · 07/09/2020 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EDSGFC · 07/09/2020 11:29

I find so many of these replies concerning. No one should be pressured to participate in any sex act, or even in sex.

Many of the posters saying things like it's normal, he needs to find other ways or just get on with it, is he gay really need to think about the message they are sending out - that it's ok to pressure someone or to shame them into doing something that they don't want to do. It doesn't matter if the person is male or female, this isn't a good message to send.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/09/2020 11:34

@EDSGFC

I find so many of these replies concerning. No one should be pressured to participate in any sex act, or even in sex.

Many of the posters saying things like it's normal, he needs to find other ways or just get on with it, is he gay really need to think about the message they are sending out - that it's ok to pressure someone or to shame them into doing something that they don't want to do. It doesn't matter if the person is male or female, this isn't a good message to send.

But it's ok that he uses her body?
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