Really fucking annoyed

[Diabetes123]

So

Advice bet much needed

Had friends over tonight really close friends we’ve known for 20 years + gf of son who we’ve known for 20 years + I ask her what she does for a job. She says teaching assistant 👍 I am a nurse and out of interest i say how much do you get paid if you don’t me asking. She’s says no I don’t mind at all my husband chirps in “don’t ask her that it’s none your business (or words to that effect) can’t quite remember what he said. She answers my question but not before I say shut up to him (fair enough I could have said it in a better phrase) and he says no I won’t! Then our friends look at us (considering we’ve just got together after a 4 month split) instigated by me as I was struggling with depression brought on by our 16 year old daughters depression and his dominating personality (example tonight)! Hostile to which I thought he felt embarrassed 😩 right now we’ve just rowed about it and he’s gone to bed in a huff!

#foaming what have I done wrong?

Nurses and others go on about nurses' pay, but it is a lot more than many peoples'.

Agree 100% with Bluntness100

Just so you know I dont work in education.

I don't agree with the people being unnecessarily spiteful on this thread. But you are refusing to acknowledge the possibility that you were in the wrong here @Diabetes123. I think that willful blindness you display could be the root of the problem. Sometimes one is in the wrong - and you were on this occasion. You asked for people's advice on the matter and have received a pretty unanimous answer.

It isn't right to ask a person you've never met before how much they earn in front of others, it isn't ok to then bluntly tell your DH to shut up - again, in front of others at a social gathering. You know this. It's simply bad manners.

Recognize that you made a social blunder (or two!)
Apologize to the parties involved - including your DH.
Be more aware of how you project yourself in the future at such events.

Yes! you were rude to ask such a personal and impertinent question

@GinWithASplashOfTonic

Yes! you were rude to ask such a personal and impertinent question

Especially to a much younger woman, likely in her early twenties and to then point out that she, the op, who is likely middle aged, earns Much more.

It’s got point scoring written all over it.

More prosperous 😂 you obviously don’t know how poorly nurses are paid!

Nurses are not that badly paid, and have excellent pensions.

Laughing at the idea that you are more prosperous than a TA doesn't reflect well on you.

I think it was rude also. So many other questions you could have asked in relation to her job and you thought this was the most important question to ask. Not surprised your dh told you to butt out.

Im not in education either, and I'm now no longer shocked at OP's arrogance in her opening post, since her latest responses show us exactly who she is. You're just not particularly nice OP. 🌺

I think your intelligence shows just by the words you have used in the title to this post...is there any need for the language? And then you say you told your husband to "shut up"...I hope you have taught your children better manners

I’m getting the impression that the individuals commenting on this thread work in the education sector.......

It’s seems to be the only reason they would be so negatively opinionated.

Yes, we all think that TAs are massively overpaid, and swan about dripping diamonds and designer bags as they wrangle our primary schoolers.

And the reason people are being 'so negatively opinionated' is that either you just have incredibly poor manners in general, or possibly you are a nosy drunk with no boundaries who gets aggressive when someone tries to rein you in?

Just so you know OP most TAs earn so little they don’t even pay tax!

I'm with you OP, I think it's a really sad reflection on the society we live in that people are more appalled about someone asking someone what they earn thzn they are about this country's crap wages and inequality in pay. If there was less embarrassment and more transparency maybe we wouldn't be fighting for half decent wages that meet European standards.
I have to say as well that browsing forums on here reveals a surprising amount of really high earners, earning 6 figures a year. I'd find it really rich for someone earning that to talk about the shame of discussing wages (speaking as someone who earns quite little).

@SoulofanAggron

Nurses and others go on about nurses' pay, but it is a lot more than many peoples'.

They also work three 12 hour days a week with one make up shift a month unless they chose to do extra shifts ie. 'bank' Also paid fully. They do just fine.

@Skyliner001 Some of them might do that, but others work different hours, less depending on the role.

My work has all been as a cleaner/care assistant and I've never earned enough to pay tax, so... And I've worked some very unsocial hours at times doing that, too.

@Diabetes123 you were incredibly rude and inappropriate. Asking someone that, and in front of others too, is crass and embarrassing. You probably embarrassed everyone present. Learn social etiquette, before you get tatted with the ‘mad, rude woman’ brush.
Oh, incase you’re wondering, I don’t work in education

@Diabetes123

More prosperous 😂 you obviously don’t know how poorly nurses are paid!

I’m getting the impression that the individuals commenting on this thread work in the education sector.......

It’s seems to be the only reason they would be so negatively opinionated.

I’m an aerospace engineer, and yes I make more than a teacher and a nurse combined. I’m still negatively opinionated by your behaviour. You don’t say nice to meet you and how much do you earn all in the first five minutes of meeting someone while in front of her partner and his parents. It’s just rude.

You were rude to the gf , rude to your DH , rude to the posters who have given you their honest opinion . I guess that’s just your nature . You’re always in the right , never wrong .
If you think it’s ok to make people feel awkward and embarrassed then you just carry on with it. Just because you think something is ok , doesn’t mean it is .
Would you ask your patients how much they earn ?

I have to say as well that browsing forums on here reveals a surprising amount of really high earners, earning 6 figures a year. I'd find it really rich for someone earning that to talk about the shame of discussing wages

A significant percentage of the high earners on here are fantasists, writing about an income they wish they had. But be that as it may, people are being obtuse if they can't see the difference in discussing salaries among peers vs an older woman in a higher-paying job asking a much younger stranger who works in a field well-known to be appallingly poorly-paid, how much she earns. The OP wasn't doing to to inspire this young woman to mount the barricades to pressure for higher pay, she was being nosy.

@Diabetes123, So how much do you and your other family members ask? This is apparently a perfectly reasonable question for me to ask, so I know you will have no issue in divulging the answers.

Do tell us how much you and your DH get paid. I think we all have a right to know. Oh, and while you are at it, (pun intended), do tell us all about your sex life.

Your were incredibly rude and yet you cannot see it, I think you need to look at your boundaries.

I’d never ask that question and I wouldn’t answer if someone asked me that either.

And the reason people are being 'so negatively opinionated' is that either you just have incredibly poor manners in general, or possibly you are a nosy drunk with no boundaries who gets aggressive when someone tries to rein you in

^ would be my assessment

#foaming what have I done wrong?
Possibly, getting back with your husband is what you've done wrong? You split up for four months, which you describe as being "instigated by me as I was struggling with depression brought on by our 16 year old daughters depression and his dominating personality (example tonight)!" What made you try again, if his behaviour hasn't changed?

I'm guessing you asked about her salary because you're considering a career change? It's very British, this shock and horror about asking what people earn . I've mainly worked in jobs where my salary was 'banded', so by knowing my job grade people knew roughly what I was earning without having to ask. And that's how TA jobs will be too, a fixed scale; so I'm not really that horrified that you asked the question @Diabetes123.

I'm guessing you asked about her salary because you're considering a career change? It's very British, this shock and horror about asking what people earn

@WhereYouLeftIt If someone were saying that they would 'soften the blow' of what they were saying, by saying they were considering a career change, and as a PP said they might ask 'what's the pay like?' rather than asking for specifics. Even that's a bit intrusive.

PPs- Diabetes will probably be ok sharing her salary. But it's not really the same as being a TA and being put on the spot to that extent due to 'in-laws' being there etc.

You're on another planet.
The more you post, the more your ignorance and abrasiveness comes out.
I bet your DH cringes being in social situations with you.