Really fucking annoyed

[Diabetes123]

So

Advice bet much needed

Had friends over tonight really close friends we’ve known for 20 years + gf of son who we’ve known for 20 years + I ask her what she does for a job. She says teaching assistant 👍 I am a nurse and out of interest i say how much do you get paid if you don’t me asking. She’s says no I don’t mind at all my husband chirps in “don’t ask her that it’s none your business (or words to that effect) can’t quite remember what he said. She answers my question but not before I say shut up to him (fair enough I could have said it in a better phrase) and he says no I won’t! Then our friends look at us (considering we’ve just got together after a 4 month split) instigated by me as I was struggling with depression brought on by our 16 year old daughters depression and his dominating personality (example tonight)! Hostile to which I thought he felt embarrassed 😩 right now we’ve just rowed about it and he’s gone to bed in a huff!

#foaming what have I done wrong?

If my dh asked someone in a group how much they earned I'd have cut in and said "you can't ask that!" If he then told me to shut up i'd probably have waited until the first opportunity to leave go home.

*I'm going to go a bit against the grain.....

Yes, it was a bit pushy to ask the girl what she earned but lots of us have occasionally blurted things out without thinking, especially when we've had a drink. It doesn't mean you are a terrible person, OP, you just made a mistake.

It sounds like the issue is that your partner corrected you - maybe in a rude way when you would have preferred him to be gentle*

Agreed

Reverse? Surely no-one is this lacking in self-awareness. If not I feel sorry for your DH. You should be apologising to him and your dinner guests.

Agree with others...that’s a really rude question for you to have asked..

I am a ta and earn £13000 for 35 hours a week term time only. I am have more degrees than you and better manners. Happy now?

I'm afraid like others I think it was a rude question to ask , certainly it would not be appropriate for most people I know. The second issue is even if I felt DP was wrong in correcting me shut up isn't an acceptable response. I have had friends who speak to their partners like that and it's always resulted in a at the person who said shut up it's a really belittling phrase. Dp and I would definitely have had words if I had spoken to him like that especially in front of others and he is not remotely controlling.

Perhaps this is all symptomatic of deeper issues but in this snapshot you behaved badly

I'm not sure the OP will come back.

wow, that’s rude. Why would you even ask that.... what difference does it make to you. Agree, I’d answer to avoid awkwardness....

Your husband’s dominating personality?! You sound like you have no filter.

#foaming

You should probably get that looked at.

You asked a very personal question! Your DH was correct to pick you up on it but maybe could have done it in a jokey way and quickly changed the subject “Oh Diabetes honey, you know you love your job and wouldn’t want to retrain to be a TA regardless of the pay! So how is everyone doing for drinks?”

I also think it was rude to ask her how much she earned, she probably felt like she couldn’t say no.
You then told your DH to shut up.
Sorry OP but I think you were in the wrong here.

OP, you were the one who told him to 'shut up' in front of other people. Is that right? You sound very rude all round.

What the fuck did it have to do with you how much she was paid?

Beyond embarrassing and I agree with your Husband, and you were out of order telling him to shut up. He was probably cringing.

You desperately need to work on your social skills.

YABVU.
Incredibly rude to ask someone how much they earn and equally as rude to tell your husband to shut up especially when you have company.

Gobsmacked that you actually asked someone you barely know what they earn! It’s a question I wouldn’t even ask close friends or family. She might have told you, out of politeness, but I bet she was fuming inwardly.

Agree with everyone else. It was rude. I don't earn much and I would be mortified to be asked this at a dinner party in front of a whole host of other people too! TA are public employees and you could easily look that information up online if you are interested.

I think your husband was right to try to save your guest from embarrassment, I would have really appreciated it if I had been the guest, and would have been horrified to hear you tell him to shut up, as that would have made me feel pressurised to keep the conversation going with you. And also, any reply that I gave then would make it look like I was taking sides with one or the other of you.
I think you were inconsiderate and rude to your guest, rude to your husband and created an atmosphere in front of all your guests.

because you can see that with your eyes, What world do you socialise in???!!!???? [shocked]

Oh Diabetes honey, you know you love your job and wouldn’t want to retrain to be a TA regardless of the pay!

How is that jokey? If I were the TA I would feel it was a put down, I think.

The only correct response would to say to DH, ' You are right' then turn to the guest and apologise.

Very rude to ask someone that you barely know how much they earn. Your DH was right to tell you you can't say that, he was probably mortified and trying to make your guests feel less uncomfortable. Not OK to tell him to shut up in front of people. Me and DH might tell each other to shut up in a jokey way if we are winding each other up but if he told me to shut up in seriousness in front of other people then I would be questioning my relationship tbh. You sound overbearing and rude.

He said something you don't agree with so he's dominanting. It was rude if you to ask, Google will tell you pay! Sounds like you need to apologise to him for being rude to him.

Could people just lay off the OP, I actually find it rude to be commenting that she is rude when over 100 people have also said it before you. At this point it is just not pleasant.

Never, ever, EVER, ask someone what they are paid unless you're a) alone and can ask privately, and even then only if also b) you know each other extremely well and don't mind if you're told to wind your neck in anyway.

Very rude to ask, poor girl was put on the spot and he was just trying to salvage the situation.

@NextOnesaGreyGoose Posters are not some hive mind, they are individuals expressing a point of view based on what they read, and don't need someone telling them their opinion is invalid because it's been said already.

The OP is appallingly rude, and I'm not surprised her DH pulled her up on it. She calls her DH domineering but maybe she is just someone who has little regard for other people's feelings and when this is pointed out, retaliates by accusing them of having the problem. Typical gaslighting behaviour, particularly as she has little insight into her own behaviour. Depression doesn't let you off the hook for treating others with respect.

I have a friend like this who asks personal or private information, they don't mean any harm by it. The best thing your dh and everyone should have done is just laughed and changed the subject.