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Original poster

Is he condescending or am I too sensitive

127 replies

Advicerequired123 · 25/08/2020 23:06

I have been a stay at home mum for the last 2 years as partner works extremely long hours or abroad and it worked better for us for me to be at home.

Youngest is 4 and I want to start earning my own money. I have a degree and some experience but feel a bit nervous getting back into it.

Partner is pushing me to start a business. He wants out of the “rat race” and feels pressure that his job may be on the line due to Covid etc.

I would like to get a job but have taken his advice and been looking into options for a business. He is pushing Amazon FBA. I had never heard of it but have spent hours reading and watching YouTube videos. To be honest I’m not 100% keen and would still like to get a job.

We have had a disagreement as I find him really condescending. He is extremely ambitious and money driven where as I’m not as much. When I say I want to get a job he says “why would you want to work for someone else when you have this opportunity to start our own business”.

Last night we went for a date night and over dinner he asked me what I had learnt today (I had spent time researching the Amazon Fba). I said it’s hard to explain I have notes at home. He said tell me 3 things you’ve learnt, briefly. I said I’d rather not and just enjoy the evening. He said he doesn’t have time to read my 1,000 word notes and pushed again for 3 things I had learnt. I felt like I was in a job interview and nothing was coming to my mind even though I’d taken lots of notes.

Then today getting ready to take the kids to school he asks what are your goals for this week? I say I’m not sure I’m going to continue learning and reading. He said I need goals and I said just leave me do what I feel is right.

He’s working from home so he comes into the office where I’m learning and critiques My notes and spreadsheet I have made. He says “you should do xyz” despite the reading and videos I’m learning saying otherwise.

I tell him to leave it and I don’t want his suggestions. He tells me it’ll be worse if I get a job and actually have a boss chasing me. I tell him i think it’s better if I get a job as I don’t feel like this is my thing - more his that he’s pushing onto me. I tell him I find him condescending and controlling and like he’s my boss.

He says I’m too sensitive. He’s only trying to help. He looks down on me that I “just” want a job working for someone else. I know I won’t earn a fortune working in the jobs I’m applying for but that’s ok for me but feels like it’s not for him & he’s looking down on me for it.

OP posts:
Ging7878 · 25/08/2020 23:22

Omg he sounds absolutely awful! He literally talks, questions you as if you are an employee of his or he is some sort of mentor. Just having a "normal" job where you are not the boss has so many benefits and ultimately if that is what you want you should go for it. He honestly sounds like he could drain the life out of you. I couldn't cope with him at all. My three things would be "your a prick".

Ging7878 · 25/08/2020 23:23

Ps you are absolutely not being "too sensitive". He is well out of order in the way that he treats you.

HollowTalk · 25/08/2020 23:27

I couldn't live with him. Or not without head butting him.

Get a job, make new friends and never put yourself in a position where you stop work and financially rely on a man you're not married to.

HollowTalk · 25/08/2020 23:28

And he's the sort of guy who, when he leaves the office, the other staff make wanking signs.

HollowTalk · 25/08/2020 23:28

Wanker signs!!!

Dollyrocket · 25/08/2020 23:29

He sounds truly awful, how on earth do you put up with that without telling him to fuck off? Confused

TwentyViginti · 25/08/2020 23:30

He sounds a nightmare. Date night? Hardly. It was a sales talk opportunity for him.

Stick to your guns on this. A 'normal' job sounds good for your circumstances.

gamerchick · 25/08/2020 23:33

He sounds like a cock OP. It sounds as if hes the one who wants to start the business. Imagine how insufferable he'll be if you actually do it?

Tell him to stfu or you'll shove those notes up his arse. Get s job if you want a job.

Original poster
Advicerequired123 · 25/08/2020 23:35

I’m glad my feelings were justified. He just can’t see why I don’t take his suggestions happily. Apparently I’m too stubborn and will never take advice from anyone.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 25/08/2020 23:36

You could give him a good bit of advice, I reckon.

ulanbatorismynextstop · 25/08/2020 23:36

Awful!! LTB, a pushy prick who is condescending? You won't have a happy future with him, start planning your exit.

TwentyViginti · 25/08/2020 23:36

Tell him to bore off.

JamieLeeCurtains · 25/08/2020 23:37

Advantages of a normal job:

You get to leave the house and have colleagues

You'll have job satisfaction

Pension and NI advantages

You don't need an accountant

You can work your way up the ladder

You can leave him

Vodkacranberryplease · 25/08/2020 23:38

Wanker. Keep well away from that amazon stuff. If he wants to 'start a business' a) he should do it himself and b) he should start a proper one. With an actual idea, and his own platform not try to hope onto a bandwagon half the world is trying to make work.

And I should know. I have an actual business. It's hard and lonely and boring at times. And there is NO WAY you wsnt to be working with him.

Just grey rock him on discussions and get it all done when he's away. Prick.

ScouseQueen · 25/08/2020 23:39

Why doesn't he start a business? You said he's very ambitious and money driven and wants out of the rat race. Tell him to do it himself as you will be getting a job!

Vodkacranberryplease · 25/08/2020 23:39

Jesus. Who does he think he is? Donald fucking trump? Twat.

Dery · 25/08/2020 23:39

“Get a job, make new friends and never put yourself in a position where you stop work and financially rely on a man you're not married to.”

This. Running your own business and making it profitable is a difficult thing which not many people can manage, particularly if it doesn’t come naturally to them. It’s a very precarious existence particularly in the early years while you’re building your client base etc. Don’t get pushed into that because your partner fancies it for you.

sycamorecottage · 25/08/2020 23:43

*Why would you want to work for someone else when you have this opportunity to start our own business"

Our own business??? Not 'your' business, but 'our' business? And who is going to be bossing who about I wonder?

You're not being sensitive at all. He, on the other hand, is being a prick.

Aerial2020 · 25/08/2020 23:46

Why does he think it's ok to push you around? Tell him to sod off

lottiegarbanzo · 25/08/2020 23:46

If he wants to start a business, or do this particular thing (whatever it is) he can do that. Maybe if he is made redundant, it will be his big opportunity (bet he doesn't, it won't be 'right' for him, only good enough for you, to run as his sideline).

Follow your instinct, your talents and interests and your desire to get yourself out of the house.

Giraffey1 · 25/08/2020 23:54

HIM ...Why do I want to go and work for someone else when you could be starting your own business with me?
YOU ...Because that’s not what I want.

HIM ... but you will have to do what someone else tells you.
YOU. .. yes, and I’m fine with that.

HIM .. you should have made notes etc another way
YOU ... no, I shouldn’t, this works fine for me

HIM ... but you could stay and work from home and be your own boss
YOU ... no, that’s not what I want.

Frankly I’d bin the Amazon stuff and get on with finding work that you will eNjoy and find rewarding. If he can’t support you in that then you have some serious thinking to do.

Why

timeisnotaline · 26/08/2020 00:03

Please get a job! Do not attempt to start a business with the condescending sod. ‘I think you’d be happier doing it yourself.’

Vodkacranberryplease · 26/08/2020 00:37

Amazon FBA. In other words find a product only a few hundred not a few thousand people are selling and try and flog it through amazon. Work tirelessly to get the products on Amazon's first or second page and make sure they are cheaper than similar products, including Amazon's own. While giving a large chunk of your margin to amazon. And competing with half of China. Oh and also competing with the huge swathes of the UK now unemployed and thinking about making money on amazon.

Then when you maybe have succeeded amazon decide they can source the product themselves and start selling it in competition. Cheaper. Because once they see people buying it then they want in on the action. Yeah great idea.

Tell him not to give up the day job.

Meanwhile go and work for a boss who respects you (if I spoke to my staff like that they would leave), get a pension, and nice colleagues and stash money away that he doesn't know about and can't find.

Because this one is going to end in divorce. And very likely bankruptcy since he appears to be hell bent on various stupid schemes.

Chloemol · 26/08/2020 01:09

Wow, what a charmer. Bet he’s a horrible boss to work for. If he’s that keen to have a business let him set it up on his own

You do what you want to do, and if that’s a job( and I don’t blame you, if you set up your own business you have to want to do it and believe you can with often lots of hard work to start with for little return whereas a job gets you money straight away) then go for it and tell him to set the business up

Iminthewrongstory · 26/08/2020 01:12

I'm with the PPs above. He has a vague (and not great) dream but wants you to research, organise and break it into bite size bits for him. I think there was a documentary about these schemes - people's houses full of crap that they are trying to flog via Amazon. If I can find the link I'll post it so you can share it with him.

Lots of advantages to a job as mentioned above, including a regular salary. And the biggest one of all is that it's what you want to do.

Do you think perhaps his anxiety about his own job is driving him a bit around the bend? He hasn't always been like this, has he?