Is he condescending or am I too sensitive

[Advicerequired123]

I have been a stay at home mum for the last 2 years as partner works extremely long hours or abroad and it worked better for us for me to be at home.

Youngest is 4 and I want to start earning my own money. I have a degree and some experience but feel a bit nervous getting back into it.

Partner is pushing me to start a business. He wants out of the “rat race” and feels pressure that his job may be on the line due to Covid etc.

I would like to get a job but have taken his advice and been looking into options for a business. He is pushing Amazon FBA. I had never heard of it but have spent hours reading and watching YouTube videos. To be honest I’m not 100% keen and would still like to get a job.

We have had a disagreement as I find him really condescending. He is extremely ambitious and money driven where as I’m not as much. When I say I want to get a job he says “why would you want to work for someone else when you have this opportunity to start our own business”.

Last night we went for a date night and over dinner he asked me what I had learnt today (I had spent time researching the Amazon Fba). I said it’s hard to explain I have notes at home. He said tell me 3 things you’ve learnt, briefly. I said I’d rather not and just enjoy the evening. He said he doesn’t have time to read my 1,000 word notes and pushed again for 3 things I had learnt. I felt like I was in a job interview and nothing was coming to my mind even though I’d taken lots of notes.

Then today getting ready to take the kids to school he asks what are your goals for this week? I say I’m not sure I’m going to continue learning and reading. He said I need goals and I said just leave me do what I feel is right.

He’s working from home so he comes into the office where I’m learning and critiques My notes and spreadsheet I have made. He says “you should do xyz” despite the reading and videos I’m learning saying otherwise.

I tell him to leave it and I don’t want his suggestions. He tells me it’ll be worse if I get a job and actually have a boss chasing me. I tell him i think it’s better if I get a job as I don’t feel like this is my thing - more his that he’s pushing onto me. I tell him I find him condescending and controlling and like he’s my boss.

He says I’m too sensitive. He’s only trying to help. He looks down on me that I “just” want a job working for someone else. I know I won’t earn a fortune working in the jobs I’m applying for but that’s ok for me but feels like it’s not for him & he’s looking down on me for it.

Then today getting ready to take the kids to school he asks what are your goals for this week? I say I’m not sure I’m going to continue learning and reading. He said I need goals and I said just leave me do what I feel is right.

He’s working from home so he comes into the office where I’m learning and critiques My notes and spreadsheet I have made. He says “you should do xyz” despite the reading and videos I’m learning saying otherwise.

Jesus Christ. There is so much that's wrong with this dynamic.

This business hasn't even started but he's already clearly designated himself the role of 'manager' without actually discussing that with you. In this case, it's a role that has no HR to be accountable to (like there would be in a regular job), no code of conduct and not the same kind of limits on behaviour. How convenient.

Why is it that he sees himself as the manager I wonder? Could it be something to do with his own ego and pride, or could it be that he sees you as incompetent, subordinate, someone he clearly need to be in charge of and told what to do like a child. It's not up to him in any way to manage your time like this. He is, and should be your partner, not your boss.

If being self-employed is his dream, the fine, but he should not push that onto you. I can't imagine trying to get someone else to be sekf-employed with me. A lot of self employed people will tell you that yes, there are benefits but there are drawbacks too which he's ignoring.

Definitely apply for jobs. He's behaving like an asshole. Maintain as much independence as you can and do what you think is sensible.