Great third date, but......

[Whatgoesaround192]

..... it ended in sex which I hadn't planned and now I sense a change in him. Namechanged for this post as don't want it linked. I feel I have massively messed up although I know it takes two to tango. I met a nice man online and we had a coffee date first and really hit it off which if you know OLD, is quite rare! Three hours flew by. The following week, we went to dinner. Again, had a lovely time. We had a little kiss at the end of the night and I drove home feeling happy and hopeful. Everything felt right - no constant messaging all day, just a nice 'good morning' one from him and a phone call in the evening. He was keen to arrange a third date for Saturday just gone. He booked a restaurant and said I could either drive or if I wanted to drink, he would order me a a taxi to collect me and take me home. I wanted to have a couple of glasses of wine so I booked my own taxi to his. We walked hand in hand to the restaurant and again, another lovely night. We went back to his and I had another glass of wine and we played a game of pool (he has a games room) and then he took his dogs out for a walk - he was gone about half an hour. When he came back, we started kissing and I said about getting my taxi and I think I said "or do you want me to stay?" and he said yes. So I did and we had sex that night and again in the morning. He dropped me home at half 9 yesterday morning as he was going to circuits and although he called me last night, he just seemed different, like he was talking to a mate or something. I could tell the call was about to wrap up so I said "are we going to see each other this week?" and he said yes but I felt like I was making all the effort and really he could have taken or left it. Now I'm feeling crap for sleeping with him and that he is maybe seeing me in a different light. But he could have said "no, I think you should go home" couldn't he? Maybe I'm overthinking it but I'm usually quite perceptive. Why oh why did I drink and not just drive home. Really beating myself up here. Not even sure what I'm asking for - reassurance I suppose. To put things in perspective, we are grown ups - I'm 50 and he's 52. I was all excited and now I just feel disappointed (and a bit of a slapper - I'm not!)

Awwww, sorry, OP. Look at it this way - at least you haven't wasted a lot of time on him, and at least you haven't got deeply emotionally involved. I'd call it a lucky escape.

Sorry to hear that OP, it’s awful having that rejection and to be told by WhatsApp too. What a spineless knob he really is.
Lucky escape!

for you OP, at least you know now and not after date 10 or something, you’d be deeper in by then and this would feel worse.

Also, kudos for acute spidey senses! Good to trust your gut feel

He was only after sex OP. He was full of shit before. Better to find out earlier rather than later.

My first date with DP was purely set up for sex (we didn't know if we would become something or not at that point, only that we wanted to have sex). Don't beat yourself about time frames, it's all when you feel comfortable. If someone will dump you after sex, they'll do it whether it's after the first date or the 10th.

You now know that you can trust your gut instinct.

It's funny he never rushes into "that" but managed to do it before bed and again in the morning.

Don't go blaming yourself for supposedly rushing into sex. I waited months with the last couple of men I had relationships with. They all turned out to be horrible mistakes. At least it's early days and you've not invested too much in him.

A text is a weak way out. I received a 4 am text, after 2 years. Then he blocked me. Spineless wankers.

He may not be a total arsehole who only wanted sex, it's more likely that the sex didn't set his world alight for some reason and he's ending it now so as not to get too involved. The reasons he wasn't feeling it could be many by the way and most of them nothing to do with you.
You haven't ruined a good thing by having sex, you've just found out early that this wasn't what you hoped it would be. It's crap when that happens but would have happened sooner or later and better sooner tbh

Eugh - what a whiny, spineless, up his own arse, tosser of a man whore (stealing that term with pride whoever used it!) - really is him and not you OP - and a very lucky escape you’ve had, as you never see the full worst in 3 dates, just imagine if you’d known him longer and had to suffer these and many more nasty sides of him.

Sorry only just saw the update.

Either he was just after one thing and good riddance or he does genuinely feel self conscious about going all the way but if that's the case that's on him, not you.

He's a coward though for not calling.

Don't let this stop you having fun/enjoyment in the future. Sex doesn't have to be this serious taboo that everyone should be judged on so don't let yourself treat it that way.

No, he may not be @CodenameVillanelle, but I hold to my point that dumping someone by text after a a third date on which you’ve had sex for the first time, and telling the OP that having sex with her left him feeling ‘dreadful’ is not the act of the type of person I’d like to have around me. I mean, phone her, for heaven’s sake, and don't blame the other person for your emotions.

Oh dear. Was hoping for a different outcome.
What did you reply to him OP. Something breezy I hope?

Don't reply. What a pig.

I've come to the conclusion that it's best to have sex on the first date. If they disappear after you have your answer about what they really wanted and you haven't wasted time or become emotionally involved.

Some men can wait a long time for sex and still bail afterwards, there are no guarantees.

It doesn't feel like it but this is a good thing. Imagine if you'd gone on ten dates and really fallen for him and he'd done this? Because he would have and you'd be feeling much worse.

Block him completely now. I suspect he'll try getting back in touch in a couple of months and you don't want that.

My God! Is he 15?

This is surely the behaviour of a horny teenager.😡

Hold your head high OP! A REAL , mature woman would naturally enjoy a normal sexual relationship certainly by the time they reach 50. He , "Did it too soon!". Ah, diddums! How pathetic! Totally lacking of any class! As I said previously, reminds me of 15 yr olds bragging about dumping girls once they had their end away. [Confused]

Bullet dodged OP. Try be glad he didn't waste any more of your time. Don't take it personally, you did nothing wrong

I’m with you on that @Ultimatecougar.

He also said in his message 'for my part I am sorry I put us both in this position'. I did reply - wouldn't say it was breezy but it was short!

He didnt put US in that position, I put myself in it because I have my own mind. I'm in control of me, he's in control of him. Have to say I have never had this reaction off a man in my life!

What a lucky escape!

Look on the bright side, you've had a few nice dates, half decent sex and got away before you've totally fallen for him.

But seriously, don't for one second believe this is your fault. It's not.

Exactly, OP. Look on the bright side, imagine waking up regularly with someone who seems to turn into a combination of Eeyore and Hamlet after sex.

You had a Lucky escape if you ask me.

And guess what? He has blocked me! I'm not sure what he thinks I'm going to do!? Weird

Also, he sounds like a total negging twat. How he feels so dreadful etc.. it’s just a shag you over dramatic, WhatsApp-dumping, bell-end..

Major lucky escape!

He's full of bullshit.

Having spoken to male friends who have done this, what they all say is that basically they’re not that keen in the woman in the first place. They like them but they’re not 100% into them, and they would be ending the relationship sooner or later anyway. But then sex is offered and they think what the hell, because they like sex. After the sex they realise that they have now set up some expectations, which they know they can’t fulfil, so its more important than ever that they end the relationship. Hence they back off and then dump.
Ultimately if a man really likes you then he’ll still like you whether you have sex on date 1 or date 20.

We’ve all been there though OP - or at least plenty of us have - it’s just a fact of life.