Dating Thread 193 - Remembering Rule 7

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Wondering if I'll ever have as nice a first date as I did with Mr Polymath (aka The Phantom)...

Thought about nothing but him the whole drive home from Mr Jazz date just now.

Resolved to call Mr Polymath him in a week for some kind of closure as still feel so crappy about him and all he seemed to be.

Bugger.

Maybe I need to take an OLD sabbatical until I've totally forgotten about him then get back in the saddle....

So annoying. I wish I'd never swiped left on him, chatted with him or met him.

*swiped right I mean

Doesn't work @Ruralbliss ... you never forget the ones that get under your skin

I even still hanker after Mr Music somedays

Aw no ruralbliss...I too am questioning whether I can really erase all memory of Mr Sparky with a massive Fab/Tinder binge....Sometimes I just come to a dead halt and feel really sad. And then I think: well, if I end up getting rejected by all these guys too, will it just amplify the rejection I'm already feeling?
:(

I think a sabbatical is such a good idea. Especially during the winter months. No distraction from my personal projects, get fit, perform better at work, no standing on freezing street corners waiting for dire men of the internet & put all OLD experiences firmly in rear view mirror.

The only problem is that I never get passed the idea that youth and life is finite and I should continue the quest to find My Guy in case I accidentally miss him whilst taking a sabbatical!

@crackofdoom & @cravingthelook

"Dire men of the internet"

Please let that be the title of the next thread.

Oi! 😉

Sorry it wasn’t a good one @Ruralbliss

After Miss T’s initial thoughts were that I wasn’t a suitable squire I had a reactive swipe and went on a couple of dates that were not so good. It’s the way it is when someone’s made an impression on you 🤷‍♂️

@ruralbliss “The trouble with house renovation and gardening for me is that they both make me acutely aware of how much more fun it would be doing those activities with someone” This is exactly what Miss T and I have been up to amongst other things. ‘This is nice’ she said, as we made food together this weekend, and I burbled on about the virtues of the obscure Brazilian release of some obscure track playing in the background 🤦‍♂️ Dire man of the internet, indeed !

@HairyArsedMan what's the story of you and Ms T if she initially thought you weren't a suitable squire and you went on reactive dates?
Sorry for not knowing.
I am course sadly thinking 'Aha!! Maybe I can convince Mr Polymath that I'm worthy of consideration instead of ghosting me if @HairyArsedMan and Ms T managed to get together after initial misgivings....'

#clutchingatembarrasinglypatheticstraws

I’m trying to erase Mr T from my brain. Just chatting to and organising a date with a new iron. Not sure what to call him yet, Mr Replies2Messages has a ring to it! I thought rather than weeks of texting, just get straight out there. He’s not my usual cup of tea looks wise, but then neither was Mr T. He’s funny and engaging so there’s no harm in having a drink with him is there :)

@RuralBliss don’t clutch too strongly, we’re not together, it just seems to have carried on regardless after the knock back - maintained constant comms, had a couple of days together that have turned into late nights and seem to be finding reasons to do more stuff together.

notcoolmum I was chatting to a divorced friend about our ex's and how they father their children and we came to the conclusion that yes they love them and enjoy their time with them but it's more like out of site out of mind . My sons dad has a great relationship with him on a sunday when he sees him but has no clue about school work,teachers,etc and is very much I will see you in a week son. He says work overtakes his brain in the week and he concentrates on that.I think its selfish behaviour and it frustrates me ( and also my friend with her ex) not what can we do.

The date i had in the wood didnt want a second date.But that's ok,I wasnt sure about the three DC thing. Then i met Mr Portugal who i had a lovely walk with and tried to fancy,but no real spark.He really liked me though so now I'm thinking am I just being fussy? He has no DC and rents a room but has a property in Portugal. Seems fine that I have a ds and even said if he ever met him I can teach him how to be around him. Or is that just weird?!
I deleted off pof as was just getting messed about and also the binman guy who just freaked me out asking where I was each bin day.
I also know it's going to be hard to have sex again as i have a very inquisitive 12 yr old with me pretty much all the time.who gets jealous! will have to do ot in school hours if I ever get a man!

What's the story with Mr Polymath @Ruralbliss ? I had one that got under my skin last year. We did 5 months. Then he crawled back after a few months with a sob story. Then ended it again. At times I thought I would never get over him. I'm really over him now. I constantly wanted closure but I never really got answers from him.

@kerkyra i understand your frustration. I think Mr B would do more if they lived closer. It was his ex's choice to move. But I also think it sort of suits him as well.

I wish my ex would do more with his son. Before I put my foot down and stopped him taking the piss/blocked him, he’s come over every other day. I now see it in as either to see me or because it’s easy to tick off a visit when I’m here so he doesn’t have to parent.

I feel sorry for any future women who date him. If only you could warn them hey

The ones that get under your skin do get back out. I was a mess after a thing ended ... by me because it was such a head fuck. I couldnt give less of a shit about him now

Popping back to say hi 👋 after a few months of abandoning OLD. I have now joined Hinge and committed to messaging at least two a day. Three days later and I have “viewed all matches within my perimeters”. And only two guys have replied. One has now fizzled out and the other is really not my type despite having a lot in common (I think that’s how I know he is not my type). He wants to call tonight so I’ll have a chat and see.
I’m too scared to try Tinder or POF but Bumble and Hinge are barren wastelands when it comes to suitable gents.
Am I going to have to be brave and sign up for Tinder?

Hi all. I have been plodding on all is ok! Mr R great. But I think he’s hit a shit patch and he’s not really being very communicative at times. He doesn’t want to keep burdening me with his problems (financial etc) so he’s skirting over things or like today, AWOL. I know this doesn’t come from a bad place and we aren’t breaking up but I don’t want him to avoid me when he’s having a crap time 🙄

His crap time is COVID related, not his fault and he’s trying so hard. I admire him for it but it also drives me a bit mad 😂

Haven’t heard from him at all so far today - unusual - although he read my last message at 7am this morning

@Wasail
I love Tinder. I love that it has to be a mutual match so can't get spammed by men who aren't my type (makes me feel like a piece of meat not a person). Love that it has such a good volume of users. Hate that people don't go to ten seconds of effort to put some descriptive words in so I swipe left on photo-only profiles.

@supercali77
Thanks for that. I know. I just want to be at that place already. With him forgotten.

@Notcoolmum
The story with Mr Polymath is a non-story.
We matched, we chatted via text he was one of a number of potential irons & I was never that impressed by his laggy text style, we chatted via phone few times, we arranged to meet and BAM had the nicest date. He rode a big motorbike which made me swoon when he drove in, we got on great, he held my hand as we walked to car park and we did some nice chaste kissing and arranged another date for the weekend. Then the night before the date I hadn't heard from him all day and eventually he shared that a shit storm was happening with his kids miles away.

The date didn't happen. He texted later that night explaining he'd had to fetch his traumatised kids so a ten hour drive and he'd phone later.
Never. Heard. From. Him. Again.
That was a week last Sat.

I really really liked him plus the kick in the teeth from the ghosting has affected me hugely and I hate it.

Feels like no one will compare to him if I carry on OLD. Hence the idea of a sabbatical until he's vanished from under my skin and brain.

Ended up finding Mr Polymath FB page and stalker sleuthing reveals he suffered from severe depression in 2018 and no updates since then.

He's not been online on WhatsApp in the past week.

I don't like who I've turned into after this experience so have resolved to give him a call sometime to say Hi, hope you're ok & no hard feelings.

I don't know if its just me today but is Tinder working for everyone else. Apparently I have no one new within 100 miles of me or globally. I do find that quite difficult to believe.

I did find something sort of interesting out though while seeing if there was any news about Tinder being down or something. Match group owns Match, Tinder, Meetic, Pairs, POF, Okcupid and Hinge.

Christ, dancer, all it needs is for Google to buy Match then, and job's a good'un . Thankfully, this thread is pretty much a political rant free zone, or I'd start on one.

I can't help noticing how many swimmers are on this thread at the moment!

@crackofdoom if I could swim more and worry less, I’d be a happy lady!

Thanks For the tinder love ruralbliss. I’ll steel myself and take a peek.
Dancer I have only used Hinge, Bumle and okcupid and it takes three days to get through all the potential matches within a 100 mile radius. There are always a fair few repeats and a lot of reject for various criteria (photos with girls arms around them etc). So to me it seems possible for Tinder to run out of matches 🤷🏻‍♀️. I’m old and live in a low population area so I guess there just aren’t that many single men around here.

@LivingMyBestLife2020 you are describing me. I swim all the time and it keeps the worry away.

Wasail I live rurally, and was amazed by the volume of men using Tinder as opposed to Bumble. It's like coming out of a country lane onto the M5! . Still don't like the format as much as Bumble though- I forgot initially to mention I had kids in my bio, and have just had to disappoint another keen- sounding bloke :(