Dating Thread 193 - Remembering Rule 7

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

*the last
*just

Sorry!

Hello, looking to join in the dating thread. I was married for over 20 years to an emotionally abusive arse, got out eventually and went straight back in at the deep end but with someone who fundamentally didn't 'get' me but was kind, thought that was enough,but it's obviously not, gathered the courage to leave so single again . I'm scared stiff to get back on OLD again but neither do I want to stay on my own, so I will do it ... but not until I've read this full thread and got a better idea of what I'm getting into. I'm at page 4 of 26 as I type, and you guys are great, so supportive of each other.

I met with friend today, ended up having sex (kind of planned) but feeling a bit rubbish about it because I’m pretty sure he will want more than FWB, we have spoken a lot in the past about what we would like regarding relationships, he’s never really done a FWB thing, hasn’t slept with many people at all and is a pretty loyal person. He’s a really nice bloke but I don’t think I would ever want to be more than friends. He’s messaged me thanking me for a nice day and said he really enjoyed my company. The sex wasn’t that great but I think he was a bit nervous and a bit enthusiastic at the same time.

I have a date with Mr Ski on Wednesday, he’s coming to mine and then we are going for lunch, this will be our 3rd or 4th date but haven’t seen him since before lockdown. I’m hoping Wednesday will remind me that he’s not suitable, though he’s trying very hard to be suitable 🤣. I’m kind of going for the company, chit chat and the food as I haven’t eaten out for ages.

@MsJaneAusten yes it all comes back to you. Good luck!

Back from London, where I've been for a few days...thankfully remembered to hide myself on Tinder and to refrain from swiping while I was up there! Bumped into Mr Sparky a couple of times (we were up there for the same thing), which was a bit awkward. Still struggling to get over him, still got that horrible gut wrenching feeling that this was one that could have worked, and why why why??? I don't know if I'm deluding myself though.

Mr BigCityBoy, who definitely, absolutely doesn't want a relationship has been in touch telling me how wonderful I am, how he keeps thinking about me, etc . I'm sure it's true, but....hmmm, nothing more dangerous than a man who sends mixed messages. If I'm not otherwise committed, I'll be happy to have wild sex with him occasionally, but he doesn't need to use that emotionally loaded language.

And then there's Mr First&Last, who's a keen texter and claims to be really into me, but I'm thinking now I'm back it's about time for him to be broaching the question of a third date, or I'm going to get bored....

Woah so many updates and lovely to read of all the sex being had (apart from @LivingMyBestLife2020 experience with Daddy cock-ring small Mr Sunshine.... eeeeeeesh)

I had my second lacklustre 'date' with Mr Duckhouse where he (a) didn't bring the Duckhouse and (b) revealed he'd suffered from crippling anxiety and depression since age 12 (now 45).
The plan now is for him to come to my house to install said d.house next weekend even though I'd prefer it if random blokes off of the internet did not know where I live!

Got a few new initially seeming v irons but after asking what they had in over the weekend 'Not much - bit of cleaning, guitar playing and box set watching' was the unanimous answer but then 6-8 hours between text responses or none at all mid lively conversations....
I find that weird. I was hugely busy - out and about, mega clear outs, zooms, pub, the mother of all back to school to prep for and yet managed to be responsive on the text.

Listen to my gut is my new way of working - if you have to cajole a man into a textual conversation he's definitely not into it and far better to leave him to it ahead of meeting than getting a date set up etc

I've resolved to only check the apps once a week. Not sure what day. Maybe mid week to get any dates lined up for the weekend...

Good luck all.

Hello everyone, I've started chatting to an iron, I'll call him Mr Seems Nice lol, he's my only iron as I'm still unsure about dating, but anyway, we are whatsapping and he doesn't have a profile picture. I'm going to ask why later, but is this a red flag of a burner phone or what? My xh cheated and I have to balance my insecurities/boundaries ratio because this is my first time dipping my toe in the water of the dating pool

@LivingMyBestLife2020

*Sex warning - scroll past if you don’t want to read cringey details!*

So Mr Sunshine is a no go. He’s such a great guy and so beautiful, but alas, he’s terrible in bed 😩 and that’s a deal breaker for me.
I gave him a second chance in case it was nerves but that doesn’t change his size or that he’s just not very good. We didn’t attempt sex as I thought it would be pointless. He put a cock ring on which helped a bit but it’s just not enough for me. Foreplay was rubbish and I had to give him lots of pointers. He also had a habit of saying, ahem, cough cough who’s your daddy, daddy likes that, what do you want daddy to do to you etc...
I can’t deal with that, beautiful or not 😩😂

2 slow conversations going on on the apps, but otherwise it’s pretty dry over here

Oh no!!! How cringey!

Well done for realising this is a dealbreaker for you.

@MrsJaneAustin yes, just like riding a new and different bike 😂

I had been in a relationship for 20 years before meeting my current iron (well BF now). And I'd not had sex with anyone new since my teens. I was incredibly nervous, very self conscious, but it was ok in the end. Sex is now great, but it took a few goes and some time learning about each other to get it to that point.

This has probably been asked many times (but I have never seen the answer). Why 'irons'? What the heck does it mean and where does it come from?
Am really enjoying lurking on this thread anyway. Might even post when things get a bit more interesting for me!
Thanks.

@RedRec

'Irons in the fire'

keeping lots of things going or ready at the same term. A blacksmith term

funkyenglish.com/idiom-too-many-irons-in-the-fire/

yesterdaystotalsteps123 A phot on WhatsApp is always nice but I'm not sure it would raise any flags for me if there was no photo. I think it took me several years to work out I could put a photo on WhatsApp .

Aah, thanks @Ruralbliss. I knew that expression but didn't put two and two together to connect it with this.

@LivingMyBestLife2020 just eeewwwww!! Has he been watching a lot of porn?

Since my weekend of pretty nice sex with Mr Political, I'm slightly regretting having slept with him so early on. He hasn't been with anyone for the last 3 years and was in a 20+ year marriage before that, so he's now very enthusiastically
sending messages full of sex and generally being a lot less interesting, which is a real shame because I was really attracted by his mind. I love that's he's excited, but need him to calm down a bit on the sex thing!

@yesterdaystotalsteps123 some people who work with vulnerable groups or have jobs where they need to protect their privacy don't like their picture on their profile - would that apply to your iron?

@wasail, thanks, I asked him and he has got one it's just not showing up on my phone for some reason. Plus he is rather chiselly handsomey and now I'm feeling like an overweight middle aged frump. Argh self esteem!!

Thanks @frocksmock your post made me smile on a fairly shitty day dealing with a teen mh crisis having been up all night & trying to function.

I've got OLD news that you never know which interesting roads these encounters with men off the internet will lead to...

Because my last 2.5 OLD romances were with professional bass players and the last one (the 0.5) got under my skin enough to call a break from it I decided to buy myself a bass guitar. I'm rubbish but very keen to get good.

I matched with an interesting guy on Friday who sent me the name of a band I'd never heard of but absolutely LOVED instantly. Some v fast bass playing.

Looked up the name of the bassist and he's giving lessons near to me!
Texted him, confirmed he is my new rock hero - he is.
Sitting on hands to not ask if he's single!

@yesterdaystotalsteps123 you need to add each other as actual contacts I think to see each other's pictures

Thanks I have added as contact now but he's still a silhouette never mind at least he's got a photo. I was going to suggest a video call instead of a real life date as he lives 45 minutes away. Is this the done thing or is it better to plunge straight into real life???

@frocksmock, he must be watching porn. Who says that?? He implies he’s not massively experienced as women don’t tend to match with him and he still sees himself as an ugly teen (I’ve seen pictures, he certainly wasn’t attractive!) he’s lost weight, had his teeth vaneered and he’s very fit, active, well groomed, smells delicious etc and I genuinely think he’s beautiful. He has such lovely lips, his perfect but natural looking teeth, a lovely accent and voice, gorgeous eyes and skin, sigh... just missing one vital component! It’s never easy is it 🙄

So I assume he’s spent his early life (and probably now) watching porn. I felt a little sorry for him to be honest. If he was a little better endowed (which I know sounds terrible on my part) I’d try and show him more what I like etc, but it’s pointless if we can’t have a proper sex session.

I think if any one asked me to call them “daddy” or referred to themselves by anything other than their name I would not be able to stop laughing. I have had some weird experiences, men that have have said weird things or made really weird noises when climaxing, I find it hard to keep a straight face 🤣

[quote LivingMyBestLife2020]@frocksmock, he must be watching porn. Who says that?? He implies he’s not massively experienced as women don’t tend to match with him and he still sees himself as an ugly teen (I’ve seen pictures, he certainly wasn’t attractive!) he’s lost weight, had his teeth vaneered and he’s very fit, active, well groomed, smells delicious etc and I genuinely think he’s beautiful. He has such lovely lips, his perfect but natural looking teeth, a lovely accent and voice, gorgeous eyes and skin, sigh... just missing one vital component! It’s never easy is it 🙄

So I assume he’s spent his early life (and probably now) watching porn. I felt a little sorry for him to be honest. If he was a little better endowed (which I know sounds terrible on my part) I’d try and show him more what I like etc, but it’s pointless if we can’t have a proper sex session.[/quote]
Yeah it's super weird. I mean who wants to hear the word 'daddy' anywhere near sex? Lol. If someone said that to me I might laugh out loud at them.

It's funny the experience thing. I've found partners have liked different things so I'm always back down to very little experience with someone new. Not picking on you @LivingMyBestLife2020 (the daddy thing was teeth grindingly yikes!) just commenting on this aspect of dating (performance pressure) with others on the thread worrying about that first time with someone new.

On the porn thing, I don't get lots of matches, and it doesn't automatically make me turn to porn. I find that a bit of a weird statement to get my head around

The small penis would probably be a issue for me too, the last 2 people I have dated (and attempted sex with) have been very small, I was happy to give it ago in hope they were “growers’ but one had a issue with “the death grip” so it was almost impossible, the other we had to do really awkward positions in order for me to feel anything and I am pretty small 🤣, it got really boring and wasn’t much fun.

I do agree that contemplating sex with someone new after coming out of a LTR or a long time celibate is super scary - it was for me anyway. I had the added hang up that my exH implied I was really bad at it🙈 So I totally get performance anxiety and would give someone on a chance on that basis.
Daddy though 😂 it might not be porn overuse per se but an inexperienced view of they think women want to hear acquired from porn culture.
@Ruralbliss sounds promising - are you booking in for lessons? 😊
@frocksmock it’s really hard to roll back on the sexual talk once you’ve gone there with some men I find. Usually though on actual follow up dates the conversation and connection can be more normal. This is from my very very limited experience 😆