Dating Thread 193 - Remembering Rule 7

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Sorry for everyone feeling fed up. It's interesting reading as I have always compartmentalised my dating and my kids. I was in a relationship with Mr Unsuitable for 9 months and he did briefly meet the kids a couple of times. But I only saw him on childfree days and also had a regular slot with friends which he worked around. I met all his friends but he didn't really meet mine. One of the reasons he broke up with me was he was in a terrible situation financially and with housing and I just couldn't help him with it. A childfree GF could have had him move in. No way would I.

I also am still quite involved with my exh. We spend xmas and kids birthdays together. I message him quite a lot and usually have a chat when we swap over the kids. It hadn't occurred to me how this might seem to a BF.

I think probably I'm finally at a point where I might let someone meet friends/family etc (if I could find someone I was interested in that is)

Sorry none of that helps really. But any man I met going forward would still take second place to my kids, my friends and my hobbies. That's fourth place actually. It wouldn't mean they weren't important but I couldn't rely on someone to meet all those needs.

@dancemom I'm sorry you're ending it. That's tough if he's stopped being nice but yeah, time to call it a day.

No news in my world. I'm swiping and matching but noones grabbed my fancy really. Supposed to be meeting a potential FWB but I'm not instigating it. I guess someone will pop up at some point. Hopefully.

Went on my date, he was lovely but I wasn't really feeling it. He was still super keen and I'm not sure if that was what was putting me off a bit but he also did say he wanted kids one day and was planning on going back to his home country next year so both of those didn't win him any points!
Said I was happy to be friends though as he was good to talk to.

Back to the swiping!

Morning all, I’m seeing Mr Sunshine today. It’s not a date as such, just to chill and spend some time together, with no expectations.
I’ll update later

Morning. In the end I didn't go on my date last night. I woke up yesterday morning to a message from him saying he had second thoughts as I didn't seem that interested in him(!!) We'd spoken every day for a week and I'd arranged to meet him so I'm not sure what else he wanted from me?! Anyway, long story short I just blocked and deleted. I couldn't be bothered justifying myself (I'm not going to get invested in someone I haven't even met) and figured that was a pretty big red flag for future needy / high maintenance behaviour.

I was getting ready to sack off dating for a while when I randomly came across a guy I'd met at my sport a few weeks ago on social media (he's a pro so has his own page - I didn't know his surname at the time so it was pure luck he popped up). He'd come over and chatted to me but left as soon as my (male) friend turned up. I figured he'd put 2 and 2 together and got 5. I'd had a couple of glasses of wine and under the influence of a friend decided to drop him a message. 30 minutes later he replied , we chatted non stop for a couple of hours and we have a date this week :D Very exciting! This guy is in some serious physical shape! ;)

Hi all.
I've had a month off the dating after I deleted my pof profile. I empathise with everyone who needs a break and the constant highs and lows of emotions. The letting down gently and being let down,it really doesnt help with the self esteem.
Well, even though I'm a dinosaur with tech,I've managed to join tinder on my tablet. I'm quite excited! Last night had no idea what I'm doing,was swiping left alot but tried to swipe right but it didnt seem to work,so I pressed the heart.hope I'm doing it right.
Anyway,for those asking what sites to use,I'm finding comfort and less stress with this as you both have to match to message. no inbox full of unwanted attention from people you wouldn't date.And you can delete someone straight away. Also more people.
The only thing I can see is you dont know their height or if they have kids etc if isnt in the bio.I shall give this a go anyway as I've felt last six months I've been in limbo with kids off school and not much work because of this.

What are everyone's thoughts about dating people with different views - such as they are a very strict vegan and you're not. Are you setting a relationship up for failure by being that different?

@WolfRun

That sounds promising..Good luck

jonsnowsghost I suppose it would only bring problems if you ever lived together if your diet was completely different? But I'm sure many are in this position and make it work.

Oh,the right swipe is working now. God knows what it meant when I was pressing the heart 🤷‍♀️

@Jonsnowsghost

What are everyone's thoughts about dating people with different views - such as they are a very strict vegan and you're not. Are you setting a relationship up for failure by being that different?

I think it would depend. If it's also someone who is "live and let live" then it'd be OK. But if you were say, with a vegan or a Christian who needs everyone around them to convert then you're in for a problem. I suppose you can only find that out down the line. So it is a bit of a risk, but then dating is anyway :)

My 2 cents.

Pressing the heart initiates a marriage proposal @kerkyra

(Only kidding, it's just the same as a right swipe)

I think I agree with you both @kerkyra and @LadyH846. As long as their views aren't going to be shoved down my throat then that could be ok. I shall carry on talking to him and see :)

hairyArsedMan third time lucky maybe??! Never again.
Haha,thanks for letting me know

I went on a second date with Mr Political on Friday evening and came home at lunchtime today It's only a week since we met and who knows what's going to happen, but I remember the times posters here have written that when it works everything is simple. So far I'm getting no game playing texts, a very straightforward conversation about neither of us wanting to be on Tinder while we see where this is going, and lots of "where have you been, I've spent 3 years looking for you!" I know it's early days, I know it could all change, but please don't burst my bubble!

I went on a second date with Mr M last night. My god he is beautiful! He is also quite a lot younger than me which is probably just what I need right now. I have always wondered what was meant by almond shaped eyes, now I know- Mr M has them.
We are taking it reasonably steady and he is respecting my boundaries But he clearly fancies the pants off me which is also really what I need.
Hopefully I’ll see him again this week.

@Jonsnowsghost

What are everyone's thoughts about dating people with different views - such as they are a very strict vegan and you're not. Are you setting a relationship up for failure by being that different?

I have dated a few vegans and I am not even vegetarian. It doesn’t work, at least didn’t for me. They are vegan because they have strong views about using animals for meat etc. Dating someone who eats meat seems to contradict the belief system.

Yeah that makes sense, and that was what I was worrying about. I guess I'll see if it actually goes anywhere to start!

Ooh @frocksmock I’m jealous lol

Sex warning - scroll past if you don’t want to read cringey details!

So Mr Sunshine is a no go. He’s such a great guy and so beautiful, but alas, he’s terrible in bed 😩 and that’s a deal breaker for me.
I gave him a second chance in case it was nerves but that doesn’t change his size or that he’s just not very good. We didn’t attempt sex as I thought it would be pointless. He put a cock ring on which helped a bit but it’s just not enough for me. Foreplay was rubbish and I had to give him lots of pointers. He also had a habit of saying, ahem, cough cough who’s your daddy, daddy likes that, what do you want daddy to do to you etc...
I can’t deal with that, beautiful or not 😩😂

2 slow conversations going on on the apps, but otherwise it’s pretty dry over here

@LivingMyBestLife2020 daddy? 🙈 I think you have given it a good go - at least you can move on now but cringe 😆
I’ve been chatting to about 4 different irons and all convos are drying up fairly quickly - why can’t these men converse and communicate 😬 I really want to have a date lined up for this weekend 😅

Oh god @LivingMyBestLife2020 that's really quite unfortunate. The daddy thing isn't everyone's cup of tea, especially when he clearly wasn't able to be very......dominant.
Have you told him thanks but no thanks?

@LivingMyBestLife2020
Daddy...that's awful, what a turn off
I love sex so sexual compatability is vital

It was so cringe! If he’d been giving me a good time I’d have almost been able to ignore it, but he really wasn’t. Poor guy, he’s got so much going for him too!

So tomorrow night, I’m having dinner with Mr T. We’ve been texting since I ended it, just friendly chit chat. I need a bike, he’s a semi pro cyclist and offered to help he (I’m clueless) so I invited him to dinner.

It’s just dinner and I’m not wanting anything from it (other than a bike!) 😂🤣

I haven’t said anything to Mr Sunshine yet. He’s quite sensitive so think I’ll let it slowly fade. He text about an hour ago to say thanks for today and hope I’m enjoying my evening. I just replied I was making lasagne and watching a film. I think this can fade but if he does text more or ask me out I’ll let him down 🙄

Daddy?! Eugh. That’s worse than cringe!

Sex though... I think sex might be on the cards this week. I genuinely can’t remember theist time I had sex. It kit comes back, right? Like riding a bike?