Dating Thread 193 - Remembering Rule 7

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@crazycatlady20 - pretty often. Once or twice a week with occasional missing weeks. I was just wary because I'd already asked if ok and he'd said yes. Not sure he's adjusting to the divorced situation well, seems quite bitter. Plus on holiday with family in France and so maybe busy with that. Just think no word for a week is a bit much even if someone needs space. I was tempted to wait until back off holiday at least but would quite like to get it over with.

@HairyArsedMan, what a simple and refreshing view on things.

Had my first ever tinder date this evening. I turned up at the wrong bar and then couldn’t find him, he though I’d bailed and was taking the piss 🙄. Eventually we managed to find each other and had a lovely chat and drink. We kissed goodbye and it was warm. We have a second date this weekend.

@HairyArsedManI live Tim Minchin. Seen him live a couple to times. Very funny show in deed

So looks like Mr Sunshine may be biting the dust.
He text today to say something had happened and he wanted to tell me about it in person, sooner rather than later.
He came over to mine and dropped a pretty big bombshell. Not something I feel is mine to discuss and not something he knew about when he started dating me. It wasn’t necessarily a deal breaker, more something he’d have to deal with before we could move anything forward. I offered my support as I’m too kind and he was pretty down. We ended up in bed, he insisted after I said I didn’t want to take advantage of him, well it was terrible. His heart was definitely not in it and I asked him if he wanted to stop a couple of times and he said no. Bless him, he tried to soldier on but what nature gave him was already lacking and he wasn’t able to keep it up 😩 I think he was pretty embarrassed as well as worried/down about his recent news. He apologised and skulked off and I reckon I won’t hear from him again.

Back to the apps it is then!

@LivingMyBestLife2020 - oh no! You were so happy yesterday! I’m sorry

Hey it’s fine @MsJaneAusten. Like I said, it was a very physical thing with him and even baring in mind his mind wasn’t on the job so to speak, I don’t think he could have satisfied me quite liked I’d imagined. Fantasy over. I’m fine though :)

My second date went well. I’m going to rename him Mr Steps. I had your “slooooooooow down” advice in my head and kept checking in on myself to see how I was really feeling. Thank you.

There was one point where we realised our DC have a shared interest and he suggested bringing his to a club mine go to and I was quote forceful in telling him what a terrible idea that was and that he won’t be meeting my DSes for a looooong time.

I think the ‘something’ missing might have been alcohol though 😂 We kissed good night and have agreed to meet again.

That's great @MsJaneAusten

I feel like such a jaded old cynic that I'm careful about passing that on but slow and steady ha much better. And fingers crossed it carries on like it is. Sounds lovely.

I've got a tentative date with someone who says he's looking for a lover initially. That's fine with me as although I'm looking for a LTR I actually need to just get back on the horse (snigger) and DTD with someone new. I want to know what he defines a lover as. We've got stuff in common and he's just done a rather impressive exercise feat (not swimming the channel sadly) Id be delighted to have a FWB but not a FB.

Hi everyone, hope you don't mind me joining. I used to participate in these threads in, what, 2017? Until I was on the smitten bench. That ended last year in a horrendous mess of cheating and leaving, I took a year out to focus on myself and heal and finally made the step and downloaded bumble yesterday (just the one app for now!) I'm going to be very cautious and take it slow as I trusted my ex completely and that didn't go to well! But I'm hoping not to put up too many walls :)
Hopefully I should be able to join in the dating chats properly soon.

My date last night was pleasant enough but lacklustre and like sooooo many other first dates on reflection realised he didn't ask one single question about me. Not one.

He is tall, good looking and solvent. We have animals and kids the same age in common but he isn't 'wild' enough for me. I'm not very wild really but he is sporty square with no backstory and I'm neither sporty nor square and do have a back story.

Awkwardly he'd spent the day making a big thing I said I'd like but couldn't afford so I'm going to have to do Date #2 to deliver/collect and install & pay him for.

Had another virtual video date with MrTall yesterday - (long distance and childcare issues mean that I wont be able to meet again in person for a few weeks yet). It went very well, I'm liking him more and more

Ooohhh what’s the thing @Ruralbliss

@LivingMyBestLife2020 Well that went downhill rapidly. What a shame ... it’s a real voyage of discovery isn’t it? Any contact today, or has your ardour been thoroughly dampened ?

@Ruralbliss I think the questions thing is nerves. I’m fairly good if I say so myself about asking questions but I do come away from dates recognising that I missed something interesting that could have been followed up on due to nerves. What if a bloke messaged afterwards to follow up on something like that ?

I'm going to do it tonight. I'm going to send the message to all current irons that I won't be meeting them as planned due to bowing out of OLD until March.

Thanks @HairyArsedMan yes it could have been nerves or like all the ones who have shown this tendency at the beginning never actually interested in me the person who has had 48 years of life up to now.

Last night's date was like a work-do chit chat. Amiable enough but lacking the spark we all love to find.

@LivingMyBestLife2020
Very outing but I'm going to assume said iron isn't reading this thread.... a floating duck house. Ffs. Bloody gorgeous as well.

So he's good looking and thoughtful @Ruralbliss but you aren't interested? Does the spark have to be immediate? One meeting really doesn't give us a lot to go on?

@HairyArsedMan I feel fine actually. These things happen I guess (usually to me!) and at least it was early on. Haven’t heard from him today but he doesn’t text during the day usual he’s at work. I won’t be too bothered if he disappeared though. I don’t think he will ghost me, he’s seems very honest and open and I don’t get the impression he’ll disappear without telling me first. But hey, back to the search 😏

@Ruralbliss that sounds wonderful!

I know @Notcoolmum...This is true. I've got great friends who I actively didn't like on first meeting but got to know them over time and the bond was formed.

I have committed to a second date (mainly to get my mitts on the duck house).
There were a few things that I wasn't mad keen on.

Yes handsome, tall, kind, solvent, local, not a slacker, some common interests but more than likely not for me. Mind you my track record is dire. My 'type' is bad lads.

We'll see.

I can't really be arsed especially as the weather's turning & I'm getting heavily stuck into personal projects at home.

Hi all - I joined and have just been lurking for a while as felt that it was too soon after relationship break-up but am now ready and god help those gorgeous online dating men ;-)

I joined Elite Singles and wow - what a massive anti-climax. It was actually against my better judgement as it sounds a bit snobby and 'elitist' anyhow to me but it was recommended so thought I'd give it a try. Unless I'm completely missing a major function of the site - you can't search, you just have to wait with excited anticipation (hmm) for the matches you are sent daily. Has anyone tried it and am I right or have i missed something?

Sounds a bit like coffeemeetsbagel where you can’t access the dating pool unless you pay the rather large subscription fee @TwinkleInYourEye

Out of curiosity, apart from the recommendation, why Elite Singles versus selective swiping on the more popular sites ? A lot of the other sites have bits where you can put education, income, lifestyle stuff in ...

I think I've been a total bloody div, actuallly, @HairyArsedMan - I had this site recommended and paid the fee (£130 ) almost in a dream-like state. I've been on pof and Match but only free versions (and hid my profile most of the time) for last two months so thought I'd kind of go for it with Elite Singles because thought there may be different men on there. I don't mean to sound overly critical of the men - I'm not a supermodel or anything.....

Oops, well maybe see how it works for a while or if you act quickly you may be able to get a refund under distance selling rules.

I had saved searches on Match and get emailed new profiles that fit the criteria. I would go through the daily shuffle in case anyone else of interest showed up.

@HairyArsedMan - I get a lot of messages on pof but not from like-minded men, if you know what I mean. Match was ok - I joined for one month and went on a few dates with one guy but realised he wasn't for me. I might go back on Match - do you think that 's the best of the bunch (I'm 50 not a young un)?

As you're a man, would you mind having a look over my profile - I could do with a bit of advice (and you sound like you're doing OK with your new woman :-)

Oh that sounded odd at the end, what I meant was, so you're probably quite good for profile advice as you're at least attracting nice people!!

I need to get something down here mainly to process it in my own mind -and maybe some collective wisdom!
New guy is lovely, I really like him-he’s attractive, very good on the comms, funny, can’t wait to meet me again, refreshingly honest and therein lies the problem! He lived abroad and had a relationship , he moved home and think the plan was that she would follow but visa issues and then Covid put that on hold. Thing is he is still committed to her to a certain extent though hasn’t seen her since December. He was initially vague but through more chats it seems he only wants something while he waits for her to get sorted ...could be a while but still the plan.
I’m very conflicted about this -on the one hand I could enjoy some fun with him -kind of FWB because he only wants to see me, there will be dates etc BUT on the other hand no future unless he decides I’m the woman for him. It requires me to have a kind of passive enjoyment while risking feelings developing.
It’s v early days and with the idea of not rushing into anything I could just keep up the chatting -it’s fun, intense, interesting and go ahead and meet next week for a nice day out etc as he’s the only person keeping my interest at the moment.
Or cut all ties and protect my heart as I know what I’m like - if the strong feelings come I’ll be so hurt if things go wrong which is the most likely outcome tbh
Even reading it back it’s fairly obvious isn’t it?