Dating Thread 193 - Remembering Rule 7

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@LivingMyBestLife2020 that's brilliant! I've never understood the problem with redheads - I think they're gorgeous!
Very enthusiastic messaging from Mr Political today and we're arranging another date for the weekend. I'm excited - and I haven't been excited in a long time!

I also find it odd how red heads are joked about it. Mr Sunshine himself said that when he enters races (he’s a runner) he jokingly fills in the disability/medical condition section as “ginger and may turn to ash in the sun”. He said he was badly bullied at school for being over weight and his hair colouring. I honestly don’t get why he’s not beating off women with a stick these days. He’s a marathon runner but he’s not a typical skinny runner, he’s really solid, manly, the kind of body you want to get your nails into...

Apologies, I can’t control myself today 😂

Livingmybestlife yay on the great date

Havent heard from MrSmiley today. He doesn't seem very good on text. Generally if I message him he will reply straight away but he doesnt really think to message me first 🤷‍♀️

@LivingMyBestLife2020 - that was such a lovely update. You sound so happy! And horny

I also had a six hour first date today. I genuinely couldn’t believe it when I got home and saw the time. I was feeling a bit confused when I got in. I really enjoyed it; he was HOT, open, chatty, etc, but I felt like there was ‘something’ missing. A very good friend has pointed out that the ‘something’ is probably ten years of familiarity and that dating anyone other than exH is going to feel weird for a while. Anyway, he texted when he got home and we’re meeting again tomorrow. I’ve cancelled another date and I’m going to ask him straight out if he’s seeing anyone else so that I can check we’re on the same page. Eeeeeeeek!!!

@LivingMyBestLife2020
Sounds fantastic, Mr Planner was a ginger too so I hear you 😊

But please you and @MsJaneAusten just take your time that's exactly how I felt after date one with Mr Planner and look what happened there.

I had a phone call with Mr Crazy Golf last night, it was great, we are going to actually go to Crazy Golf tonight. Just taking it easy, he seems really nice though.

@MsJaneAusten but your friend might be wrong! Maybe something isnt quite right. If that's what your gut is telling you then I'd trust that more than a friend. And it's way too early to have the exclusive chat. You're jumping head first into something you're not sure about. Slow down!

I've got a few ok matches but no one I'm particularly interested in enough to meet. I've put my real age on so I've tipped into the over 50 bracket and I think it's made quite a difference. I'll keep wading through.....

I’m taking this one slowly. At the minute it’s purely physical and I’m very aware that that might not last and that you can’t build a relationship on lust, You need to get that bit out your system and then look at what us left.
We’ve had some deep chats and we are on the same pages for what we are looking for long term but there are 30 miles between us which needs to be worked around

I’m not at all ansty about texting this time. I know he’s busy with work and running and when he does text he’s very open and complimentary so I’m not constantly wondering. I think that makes all the difference to be honest.

Honestly, I’ve got my shit together on this one

this thread moves so fast! love keeping up with all your dates and irons.

@womanfromdelmonte not sure if anyone commented about ur post. I think after a week I'd just send a message saying hed been quiet, asking if everything was ok and if he still wanted to see u?

looking for a bit of advice. I have an old iron who is really FWB I guess, only met a few times but good friends through txt. I like him, hes always pretty honest and has said in past he likes being single but also that he would like to settle down at some point. he came over last night for a kiss cuddle and it was really nice. Do u think it would be silly to ask if he wanted to give us a go and 'date' properly?

how has that went for those of u that've done it in the past, whether they've said yes or no, do u keep seeing them?

That sounds really good @LivingMyBestLife2020. Glad you feel that the absence of messaging is ok in the presence of attraction and perhaps trust and genuine bonding ? Can't argue with the choice of a chestnut tinged runner either

I enjoyed a jointly prepared lunch and a lovely day out with Miss T at the weekend. I don't know what it is but I'm enjoying it more than your typical dating experience, that's for sure.

@bathsh3ba I read your comments about over investment with interest. I don't feel vulnerable to over investing but I don't think I 'over' do it because I don't feel that I have to see a particular outcome or be in control of the situation. It's very hard to abandon expectation as I think it can be confused with abandoning one's needs. It's all exploration initially and of benefit to both parties to invest in that exploration. The feelings will grow or they will fade, the relationship will be one of growth, or one of stagnation, it just has to play out with the grace of both people putting in some effort. It's small act of personal faith to think that if it does fade than you have all the capacity to do the same again with the same care and meet someone with the same approach.

@HairyArsedMan are you a chestnut tinged runner too?
I think the slow messaging with the other guy and the fact he gave me nothing when he did, just irritated me. This guy is great when he texts and is wanting to meet up. I know he’s marathon training and works full time so it feels good when he takes time to message me and arrange dates rather than the old iron who was on his 3 month break from work, lived less than a mile away and still couldn’t be arsed to text. Saying that, he had text me every day since I ended it 🤣😂

I’m glad things are going well with Miss T. It certainly sounds positive that it may morph into romance.

Still not heard any further from MrSmiley despite having arranged to meet again at the weekend so presume its another to have done a disappearing act without the balls to say so 🤷‍♀️

@Slothmomma that’s crap -hope it’s not the case. I’m still sore over my ghosting experience -it’s not a nice feeling.
Love the date updates from you all....gives me all the warm fuzzies 😊
My new iron is keeping in contact, seems super keen to meet me again and yet understands my limitations on that because of kids. He is happy to wait so we have plans for Saturday week. I actually really want to see him again he’s funny and seems so caring and chilled. But my enthusiasm is somewhat tempered by my previous experience😬 Embracing rule 6 while remembering rule 4:) I’ll have to come up with a name :)

Zozo im getting surprisingly used to it now. Am still chatting with a few other irons and have a telephone "interview" with one tonight scheduled

When did you last hear from him @Slothmomma?

Decentsalnotime Sunday evening after arranging our next date. He read my message from last night today but still nothing. He usually responds straight away

@LivingMyBestLife2020 Guilty on both counts, I'm afraid. And I always cringe a bit when women on this thread decry sporty profile pics. But every pot has a lid and all that ! I was laughing at this the other night:

Thank you to those of you who told me to sloooooow down. I’ve reread the rules, especially 3, and will take it easy. I am still going to meet him tonight though

To be fair
Yesterday was a bank holiday whereas back to work today

Chap I’m meeting next Sunday messaged me on Sunday evening. I have just messaged him now. I really am looking forward to the date but been flat out yesterday and today.

Urgently blow drying my curly hair which HATES being blow dried.

New hairdresser (mine was ruined by lockdown) has done an Edward Scissorhands on me and given me a couloir I can't abide.

Have one last first date in a minute with a Mr Local before I send my Dear John letter en masse and batten down all hatches for autumn and winter

@Ruralbliss, I hate going to the hairdressers, it never turns out how I want ! Maybe this will be the last first date that you need for all the right reasons have a lovely evening.
I had a lovely Sunday into Monday with Mr V. My meltdown seems to have left him unaffected and he has said some reassuring things about how he sees us. But I don't seem to be able to completely believe him or let some of my barriers down as I desperately don't want to get hurt.
And earlier my last proper ex ( i finished it 18 months ago after 3 years ) phoned me after nc for 3 weeks, pretty much it seems to tell me that he was cooking dinner for his new woman. We have been on friendly terms but I am not sure I want to know that he's happily moving on - or rather I am confused why him telling me this has left me with a anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. Probably time to cut the ties.

@crazycatlady20, nice to see you back on the thread. How did things work out with your last iron ? He had been a bit unpredictable the last time you were on here I think.
@HairyArsedMan, I always think you write so eloquently and with an interesting take on things. Are you at all worried that Ms T may not be viewing your time together in a romantic way or are you just focused on enjoying her company?

@crazycatlady20 - thanks. I did ask if he was OK last week when I first noticed and he said was fine so appearing needy. But I think that's good advice actually, might as well be direct and ask him if he's still interested. If you don't hear from somebody for a couple of weeks the writing is probably on the wall. TBH this is putting me off a bit... seems a pretty common story on here. I did think getting into a relationship with someone getting rather than divorced already was a bit of a risk, but thought it couldn't hurt to give it a go. But of course turns out that it does.

As far as your FWB goes, if he likes being single what would be his motivation for settling down if he's even thought about it in that way.

@onesmallstep67 thanks. we are still seeing each other. he has a lot going on tho. working lots of hours, then seeing family on his little downtime. I knew this when I started chatting again, well didnt think he'd be working quite so much tbh but something he has to do just now. he has been better at communicating but we've had a wobble so will see how it goes. I still feel some plans are made/cancelled at last minute and that I'm kind of bottom of his priorities a little (well below work/family which is to be expected). going to stick more to my boundaries and re-assess in a bit.

that's where the old iron came in, hes always so nice. hes asks often to come over and I gave in cos I was feeling down. I'm not sure what his motivation would be to settle down. he has said both, not sure if I'm just not the type he wants to settle with but will take the benefits? 🤷‍♀️ I dont know how it works? I never set out for it to be that and never really been discussed. as I say we keep in regular txt contact, dont meet often but I'd like to change that if he was up for it 🤔 just dont want to look stupid. altho I think worst would be he'd just decline and carry on as is.

@womanfromdelmonte had you been seeing him regularly? I dont think its needy to ask if someone ok and if they still want to see you if they have been messaging lots then go awol for a week.

It might not be anything to do with the divorce. As you say it's common on here for people to fade away, he may have been chatting to others etc. I find OLD really hard, I think it's best just to ask or if ur not fussed about him just let him fade away?

@Onesmallstep67 Thank you 😊 I'm quite sure she doesn't see it as romantic because she said that after the first date. Initially I had a lot of conflicting thoughts about continued contact mainly due to the idea that when someone from online dating broaches friendship it's usually a kind way of saying no hard feelings before they get on with their lives.

In this case we have a lot of shared background, lots in common and seem to be good at engaging each other and spending time together. We've both reflected on how it's been enormously stimulating and fun. I think I wrote before if we'd met anywhere other than online, we'd have hit it off. Given our backgrounds I'm really amazed it took this long to meet.

Without outing we've had conversations about our ambivalence about online dating and she's said she thinks I'm unusual in that sphere. I think she is too, so I'm prepared to just see where it goes. It costs me nothing and we both gain some really enjoyable companionship.