Dating Thread 193 - Remembering Rule 7

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@LivingMyBestLife2020 I'm having the same problem with Tinder. Loads of matches. Loads of conversations. But after a couple of messages nothing!! That really annoys me, especially if they come back a day or two later. Or maybe I'm expecting too much too soon. I don't want constant messaging, but prompt replies are nice.

I delete people if they don't reply within 2-3 days. Can't be arsed with it and not interested if people can't make the effort. I'm not interested in people stringing me along and being half arsed about things. I'm bloody brilliant and I deserve better (I'm also happy single so if I happen to 'miss out' on someone it doesn't really matter). :D

The iron I’m meeting tomorrow, Mr Replies2Texts, is a great texter. It’s so refreshing!

Had a bit of a text exchange with Mr T today. Nothing in particular, just chit chat (ironically, more chat than when we were dating!) I’ve lost all interest in him now so texting isn’t an issue. He lives round the corner so may well bump into him one day.

Mr Replies2Texts and Mr Dependable are giving we everything I need right now.

I had an old FWB text me today too, so my confidence is good again :)

Tomorrow’s date is lunch. Started as coffee and now it’s food. Hope he’s as engaging in real life as he is on text. We do have lots in common though so should be able to keep conversation going even if there isn’t a spark

Have a first date tomorrow with new iron - Mrs MrSmiley - haven't chatted much so not sure what to expect. I do know he's slightly shorter than me so flat shoes it is 😁

I have a pre date call with Mr Dirty Dancing tonight.
Swapped numbers with an iron on bumble. I will call him Mr Architect. He messages in full sentences and paragraphs. Similar-ish interests, he said he wants to meet me but hasn't asked yet. He seems interested but I'd like to meet him before we get deep into getting to know each other via text.

Just come across a profile on tinder. Body shot with no head. Loose boxers on, showing the outlines of an impossibly large package and bio said, I’ll ruin your flower and probably your life. Do women really go for that!! 😳

@LivingMyBestLife2020 I have seen a lot of them in the age range I search for. Also I will break your bed not your heart. Immediate swipe left for me

I am not naive and certainly not a pride but goodness me! I can’t believe that that would work?! It must do I guess

I bet “deflower boy” is a married 5’5 accountant from Slough called Alan who asks the receptionist to help him open his sandwich pack

Lot of textual and photographic fantasists online, anyone could be anyone etc.

That said, I’ve found tinder better than pof for fantasists when I did it briefly last year , not sure why?

I mean apart from slightly more flattering photos I’ve found my tinder meets to be “BROADLY who they say there were”

whereas on pof there were too many “I’m ten-fifteen years older than I said I was”/“I’m in a completely different job to the one I said I had” types?

I think it’s a younger demographic so guys in their 20’s/early 30’s feel they have less to hide.

I have a date next week! I shall call him Mr M. He is very fun to text and has the warmest smile on his profile, so I’m looking forward to it.

Well, I'm busy arranging a second date with Mr First&Last. We've discovered we both have the same favourite stone circle, so we might go there. Well, it certainly beats Wetherspoons

It's a bit worrying though, it certainly is a special place. There's a massive great stone that looks like an erect penis in the centre, and I have been known to go there to make requests regarding my love life. It might be a tiny bit powerful for a second date, I feel, especially as Mr First&Last is clearly very keen already....

(he called me a smokin' honey earlier...)

Yay wasail! Ask him what his favourite stone circle is

I love a stone circle! Is it local crackofdoom? Sounds like an exciting date.

Hello. Can I sneak back in? I joined tinder ( and you guys) a few threads ago, then ran away in panic. I’m trying it again now and have a couple of irons.

Mr Scotland - seems absolutely lovely, we have some mutual friends, but is a bit “full on”, whilst also, I’m sure, seeing other people. We’re meeting next week.

Mr Local - one of very few people on tinder who live in the same town as me. It was a slow burner but our texts are fun now. Also meeting next week.

Physically, Mr Local is more my ‘type’, but Mr Scotland definitely talks the talk!

I cancelled him tonight!
He has tried to phone my once at lunchtime and I was busy.
Then I didn’t reply to his last message and after an hour and a half he text and said ‘hello’ pissed me right off!

@LivingMyBestLifeNOT

Sounds a good call - I think in early contact if your instincts say something is “off” it generally doesn’t get any better.

It can be not enough communication or sounding too “blasé” or (like you) feeling you’re being “checked up on”.

Even if you have an amazing first meet those problems won’t go away, and given that most of early dating is arranged via messaging....?

Worst case scenario is you meet, form a connection/attachment but then the contact problems persist...I found this a bit with my MrMilitary - he gave off a few red flags in tinder initial contact, I continued and then I met and got emotionally involved and of course it then takes a lot of time to extricate yourself

@MsJaneAusten
Sounds good, keep us posted. I guess you won’t know if the irons are goers till you meet in person so fingers crossed

I will echo what @crackofdoom says. Don't assume you won't fancy them.

I've had many a first date where I've been so excited because everything is great and their pictures are fab and then nothing in person.

I met Mr Planner on Sunday for lunch after only a few messages and ok pictures, I was still reeling from Mr Swans most recent emotional wave and I just didn't think there was going to be anything. I was wrong, he's warm and funny and attentive and intelligent. Way more attractive that I thought in pictures. We have great conversations and as I said he quickly touched my hand. I think I was so enthralled I told you guys everything.

His love language is definitely touch (not bloody good at texting that's for sure), I saw him yesterday and from the minute I met him until the second he left he touched me, the hand the arm etc. I know it's not for everyone but I love it.

We had the talk yesterday about what we want. We are on the same page. He told me as soon as we met on Sunday he just wanted to kiss me 😊

I wasn't planning to but we DTD yesterday and it was fantastic, relaxed, tender just taking our time and we are very compatible. We are both on parenting duties this weekend so next it's a dinner date on Tuesday. I can't wait. I'm going to get dressed up nice.

I've got a couple more irons and I don't want to be premature thinking this is it with Mr Planner but I'm not sure I want to keep chatting with the others. I'm going to talk about exclusivity on Tuesday.

I had a long chat with my therapist about Mr Swan yesterday, because on Wednesday we had a chat in the car that just messed with my mind and was so contradictory. She helped me see that he is the one that is mixed up. She told me to relax and just enjoy things with Mr Planner.

I'm not on the smitten bench yet because it's early days but I'm wandering towards it.

@crackofdoom and @MsJaneAusten looking forward to hearing your date stories 😊

Feeling so proud of my younger self keeping her boundaries up 😁😁😁 (it's become our joke now that we are so damned alike that @Dancerinthemoonlight is just a younger me)

Morning all. Lots of dates on the cards for people it seems. Good luck!

I have a lunch date with Mr Replies2Texts today and then a picnic with Mr Dependable tomorrow.

Can I ask a question to the ladies? It’s something I’ve been wondering. Do you think being close to ovulation makes a difference to how you feel about an iron on a first date? I’m thinking Mother Nature making you more wanting than if you were say, about to get your period? Sorry it’s a weird question, I’m just curious.

@cravingthelook your date sounds really lovely. I'm interested in what you say about love language being touching and not texting. I think my iron is similar but I never thought about it that way.

@LivingMyBestLife2020

2 dates 😁

And yes I think I feel different therefore I must react differently, I've not thought about to deeply though.

Also I see lots of the body and no face pictures, it's a thing ... not sure who is swiping them.

@Eesha have you ever looked up the 5 love languages?

It helped me a lot to understand people.

Mine is gifts and touch and when I say gifts, I'm that person that will have a card printed with a specific image and write a personalised poem in it, I'll go out of my way to make something or find something specific for you. It's not about money in that way. I'm very tactile all the time. Mr planner is defo touch.

Mr Swan is words of affirmation... it drives me nuts just all words my exH was the same btw.

I’ve just done mine and I’m words of affirmation (29%) which makes sense. But it was 26% for touch too. Pretty accurate 😊