Dating Thread 193 - Remembering Rule 7

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Hi everyone. Returning after a good few weeks break from dating after I broke things off with MrLegal. I definitely dodged a bullet there!

I'Ve been back on Tinder and Fab. Tinder is still typical tinder, lots of matches but no one talks!

Have a few good conversations going with guys on fab, one in particular I ended up on the phone to for 2 1/2 hours the other night. I'm due to meet him on Sunday, but I'm a bit unsure as he's 6 years younger (I always go for older) and quite frankly, I don't think he would look twice at me in the street. I wouldn't say I usually have an issue with body confidence but I'm feeling it this week.

@HairyArsedMan speaking from my own experience I met good men with value systems in my 'bad' years and brushed it off. Fact is, I wasn't ready for that and did 2 years of self imposed masochism. It's only really now that I appreciate it. While there's a spark with mr architect I've got respect for his approach which is respectful and consistently interested and reassuring. 2 years ago this would have had me putting on my running shoes.

A duty of care for all is absolutely brilliant, and if it comes off as 'boring', well wrong time/wrong person

@30somethingandstillsingle I hope you got good news from the scan you were having.

First day of my long awaited solo staycation and yay I can see the beach!

MrSmooth has messaged me (after a very long silent period - which I expected) and is asking where I’m staying etc (it’s commuting distance from our city)

This is my SOLO staycation so I’m definitely not messaging back till I’m back in city

I really hate dealing with “pop-up last minute date” style guys - ok it can be nice, but it’s a bit annoying having to make plans at the last minute.

Especially where there isn’t a bond already?

You get the impression the guys are just snuffling around like horrible slaggy desperados going through a list of women seeing who is going to invite them over for something or what the best social option available is?

Sorry, cant remember who asked about the meeting of people off apps?

Well it just hasn't happened for me. I've met a total of 4 people out in the last 2 years that I fancied and who fancied me:

1. Admitted married "but complicated" - a no from me
2. His friend outed him as married - a no from me again
3. A 24 year old - im mid 40s (so stuck to just a snog) 😂
4. A seriously gorgeous tattooed guy who was a part time model because of his looks and artwork who dragged me outside of the bar we bumped into each other in for a chat and snog and I discovered he was a smoker so another no for me

And so I persist on the apps

@dancerinthemoonlight Thank you for remembering. It wasn't the best news but it's not anything that can't be fixed, thankfully.

@30somethingandstillsingle I'm glad it is fixable and hopefully will be sorted quickly for you

icanbreathagain I actually got chatted up on my dog walk today so it does happen. He asked me for a drink in a local pub. Sadly he was a bit old at 67 (I'm 48) but its given me hope.

@icanbreathagain

I'm nearly all the way through the posts. I'm a year single but almost 6 years mentally single due to my situation. I've lost hope for old, has anyone met just in real life situations?

OLD terrifies me, that's why I'm lurking on here, hopefully for inspiration! But for me, expecting to meet someone in real life is obviously not working, I've had no interest in years. This doesn't exactly fill me with confidence to be able to attract strangers online either though, so not really sure what my options are

Hi all
Can I join have been lurking for a long time ! Am on Tinder and have the same issue with Matches that just don't respond !!

I also signed up to Match as recommended by a friend who is in the Midlands and having a great time. My experience is not so great up to press ( I am in London). I am early 50's and it is all feeling a bit bleak at the moment !

Hi confused - I have asked a couple of times here for a suitable site as I’m over 50s and have a daughter who’s 10.
I’m nervous about joining a site.
Have you had much luck and which site did you go on and did you pay to join.
Thanks

I'm also early 50s but I'm not a good person to advise as I'm quite jaded. I like tinder. I've tried tinder, bumble, pof, ok Cupid, guardian soulmates and I only really rate tinder. But everyone has their own preferences dependent on age and location. I like the fact no one can message unless you match. You can't meet it for sheer numbers. I would say it's thin pickings at our age but they must be out there somewhere. I'd also say treat it as fun, don't focus on finding "the one", just enjoy meeting new people.

Whydidimarryhim I first started on POF about 5 years ago but I was totally naive & really nervous having come out of a very long marriage. Met someone I dated on the first ever date and we remain friends of sorts.

Had an odd date in between but I was preoccupied with work/ my kids etc. Then I met someone on Tinder who I really fell for but turns out he just love bombed me !

Up to press I don't rate Match and agree with unambiguousbeard you can't beat Tinder for sheer numbers & no one can message you unless you Match.

I dip in and out & get bored with it & its not great for my self esteem - am working on that.

It would be nice to hear some positive stories at 50 plus to give me hope :)

Thanks confused - that’s helpful - do you pay for tinder or just the free bits.
There is a couple of sites for the over 50s which I’ve toyed with using.
However I’m nervous myself and naive too. This is why I follow this thread as it’s invaluable.
Yes be good to hear any successful stories too.

@Whydidimarryhim I'm on Tinder. I only joined yesterday and I've got about 7 conversations on the go. One is someone I matched with a while ago, but then I took a break. I'm also early 50s. I do like OKC too, but that's really quiet this time round for me.
I always used to wait for the man to make the first move, but now I just messaged anyway.

I have spent the day on tinder, it is hard work! I have chatted/messaged 14 guys. I am being very forward and making the first move 90% of the time and many have not replied or really don’t seem to get that a conversation is two way. It’s quite fun.
whydidimarryhim I was very nervous about joining tinder but figured that once I’d did I may as well go all in and make an effort. I am currently preferring it to the other apps for the reasons above. I haven’t paid, I’m not sure if paying would actually make it any better.

Another late forty something giving Tinder a big thumbs up but be prepared to do a huge amount of left swiping....

I've just had a nasty shock.
I few like such a bloody numpty
The guy I matched with last night has just told me that because I had my (obscure) job title and (again obscure spelling) first name on my Tinder profile if you google those two things together it brings up millions of data about me. My surname, where I work,'y birthdate Pics of my kids etc.

OMFG

Obviously I've just taken the job title off but do I win a prize for internet naivety?

Yikes ruralbliss! I also have a very obscure career and name but I haven’t advertised either. I just put business owner and used a diminutive of my name. But if I’m asked I do say what I do, it would be easy to find me connected to the town I’m in. I wonder what is best to do?

Hi so I had a date with someone last friday. Hes 19 years older than me which has put me off a bit. He seems nice but he constantly texts or wants to ring me. 3 times tonight hes asked and I said im tired as been to a theme park and didnt get home til 9.30pm.
Also he kissed me on our first date...?!
He also texts 'needy' type messages like 'I know you dont want a relationship' which I have never said, it's like he wants me to reply!
Im not really sure what to do...

Oh and he's text and said he wants to hold my hand on our next date and kiss me....

Hi @confused000 and @Whydidimarryhim I'm 53 and have never really struggled with the apps/sites but I am ( was ) quite a haphazard swiper. I think it really depends what you are looking for. I just responded to those who messaged me that I was interested in. I always played the numbers game, chatting to quite a few at any one time. Some became FWB, short term RS and one for 3 years. I have been seeing my current iron for 9 months although we have had a rather bumpy road at times.
Pof can be a bit dire, Tinder is good for all the reasons others have stated ( volume /mutual likes/ easy to unmatch if needed ). I met my my last FT RS on Match but that was 4 + yrs ago and not used it since.
Sorry to trot out some clichés but it is partly luck. Good photos and something on your profile that may make you stand out. Don't get over invested in texts before you have met them in person. Meet quickly and aim to meet a couple of times once the initial hurdle is cleared. Have your own boundaries about what kind of chat you are happy with and how quickly the RS develops. There is no substitute for chemistry but no short cut to building trust and getting to know one another. I refuse to be down about my age. So far it's not proved a barrier to dating IMO.

My x h is 17 years older than me, I would never get involved in a much older man again, I just felt patronised and my opinions undervalued all the time. He always knew better because he had done it before, had more experience etc.
Sorry livingmybestlifenot he is not making you feel comfortable and not listening. Bin him.

Wasail, thank you! I think that is what I need to do. He is only 2 years yougner than my mum lol

Agree with @livingmybestlifenot I would bin him.

@Onesmallstep67 you sound great I do think it's luck too. I think part of my problem is I am just a bit crap at it all. Never been good at flirting, my photos are not great. I have really tried as have friends to take better photos. I have had a couple of people who I have met tell me that my photos are awful . Not sure why they met me then ?!

I am trying to be very positive and just do lots of other stuff.

OMG @Ruralbliss I would be mortified but at least he knew you were honest cos he had checked you out !

43 here and I found pof to be a personal hell. Fab overwhelming, lasted about a day on there. Tinder was fine, I never messaged first, lots of men do the 'swipe right on everyone' game so I left it to them to show more interest than that. Bumble I liked but I paid so I could just swipe through the ones that had already swiped on me, more efficient use of my time. But, I'm kinda evangelical about hinge. I think based on what I've read here it's only good in a high population. But I did find the interface prompted more conversation and better matches, for me personally. The whole thing where you have to like or comment on some specific part of the profile, and the fact you need at least 6 photos and have to say a few brief things about yourself, meant much more chat. I found Mr architect on there and made a couple of chat friends.