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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH has never made me cum

114 replies

musicmama18 · 21/08/2020 19:02

Sorry to sound crude or upfront, but after reading an article in a mag recently a woman was basically saying what I am saying here, now..

I've been married for 5 years and together double the amount if time, my DH hasn't once made me finish. I do it myself, usually through masturbation..

What does this mean?!

I enjoy sex with him and he finishes each time. Sometimes, we will finish together by masturbation. But never once through sexual intercourse!

We've never really made it a main focus thought tbh, it has been mentioned but foreplay and then me masturbating myself is the way I do..

Anyone else share their experiences? Thoughts?

Thx x

OP posts:
WorkinWomansBlues · 21/08/2020 21:02

Can’t be that weirded out by your vagina if he’ll put his penis in it.

I think he’s lazy, by the sounds of it. And you sound unsatisfied.

What’s the rest of your marriage like? Good dad? Pull his weight?

UnaCorda · 21/08/2020 21:13

@SoulofanAggron

I think rather than masturbate yourself to finish every time, if he were to finger you in whichever way you like, or use a toy on you (magic wand toys are very reliable www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/vibrators/magic-wand-vibrators/) or oral if you like that, then it would feel a bit more like he was doing something and be more impressive, as then he would have partly led to your orgasm.

If I had to finish myself off after sex each time, I wouldn't be that impressed with my partner.

Sad times indeed if it's deemed "impressive" for a man to give his partner an orgasm during lovemaking rather than leaving her to fend for herself.
UnaCorda · 21/08/2020 21:16

Also try to have a full or near full bladder...

Don't want to derail the thread, but what does having a full bladder do?

Blahblahblahzz · 21/08/2020 21:19

The idea that most women orgasm via penetration is just wrong. The truth is that most women need clitoral stimulation, either via hand, tongue or vibrator. Everyone’s body is different and some women cannot cum through oral, for example. Others might find vibrators too intense. Others can only cum if they masturbate as they need very specific touch and rhythm. There is nothing wrong with any of this. The main thing is that your partner is interested in your orgasm. Does he help you to masturbate, using dirty talk for eg? Are you satisfied in general? If yes, then great. If you’re not, then talk to him about what you’d like.

Kelcat9494 · 21/08/2020 21:20

I've never had any man make me cum... I'm happy with DH though

nancybotwinbloom · 21/08/2020 21:25

Watching just to find out about the bladder thing?

Is it not normal to go before so it's not full? Have I been doing it wrong??

Saltyauntiepoop · 21/08/2020 21:34

Its possible to stimulate the clitoris while PIV.. coital alignment, fingers, toys... saying it's a most women don't cum in piv is excusing shit men in bed. G spot orgasm is real, right position or digital action by a man who gives a shit is possible... our bodies arent really that hard or complex. Thats all excuses for mens inadequacy and laziness.

Porridgeoat · 21/08/2020 21:35

What is the best way?

AriettyHomily · 21/08/2020 21:37

If you're happy with it it's fine, for me I wouldn't be.

User647647 · 21/08/2020 21:39

Gosh, I realise how lucky I am, my husband goes down on me each time we have sex.
I have never in my life had An orgasm via penetration.
you should tell your husband, I’m sure he would be upset if he knew you’re not satisfied.

WhoUsedMyName · 21/08/2020 21:39

@UnaCorda & @nancybotwinbloom I'm completely here to find this out ! I'm
Pretty sure I'd just piss the bed Blush

UnaCorda · 21/08/2020 21:43

[quote WhoUsedMyName]**@UnaCorda* & @nancybotwinbloom* I'm completely here to find this out ! I'm
Pretty sure I'd just piss the bed Blush[/quote]
GrinGrin

I don't think I'd piss the bed, but I can't imagine it being very comfortable.

Hormonecrazyhell · 21/08/2020 21:45

I can’t believe you married him Shock

MilleniumHallsWalledGarden · 21/08/2020 21:50

A full-ish bladder can make orgasms more intense and easier to achieve. Whether that's because of the added sensation in that area or because of the slightly engaged pelvic floor muscles I don't know. Weeing after sex can help prevent cystitis too. Win win.

dementedma · 21/08/2020 21:53

Does anyone else fucking hate the spelling of the word "cum". Is it even a word? Just write "come". We all know what you mean.

As you were

monkeymonkey2010 · 21/08/2020 22:06

I do it myself, usually through masturbation..
Same here...and in my 40's now.
No guy has ever made me cum.

It's always been ME having to put all that effort in.
Some guys just have shit technique and need teaching - but i stopped doing that in my mid 20's.
Some guys are just selfish and just don't care and will run rings round you if you try to make them care.

Others couldn't find their way or manage it even if you lit up the route in neon lights and etched instructions in braille.

I'm due a new vibrator....

Mum2jenny · 21/08/2020 22:07

Just use the word ‘orgasm’ as it’s definitely better than ‘cum’.

Bumlooksbig · 21/08/2020 22:13

Everyone's clitoris is different. As a youngster I could never cum. Thought I was odd. Then tried on top. Revelation. As PP says, you have so much more control. And it IS possible to have a vaginal orgasm not just a clitoral one by being on top. The difference is that you have so much more opportunity to experiment and find out what works for you. Good luck Op.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/08/2020 22:15

The best way is, the best way for you

Coolhand2 · 21/08/2020 22:31

Try woman on top position, the best for orgasm too

UnaCorda · 21/08/2020 22:31

@dementedma

Does anyone else fucking hate the spelling of the word "cum". Is it even a word? Just write "come". We all know what you mean.

As you were

Yes! Hate it. Makes me wince.

It is a word... in Latin.

Saltyauntiepoop · 21/08/2020 22:33

I must be weird then because i often hear women swear by cowgirl position. I never come on top. In fact, being on top is a turn off for me.

SoulofanAggron · 21/08/2020 22:34

Sad times indeed if it's deemed "impressive" for a man to give his partner an orgasm during lovemaking rather than leaving her to fend for herself.

Think I meant it as an understatement. Such a man would probably be bounced fairly quickly. But I have put up with some bad sex over the years (Mainly premature ejaculation and/or ED tho- bad combination. Grin.) They say love is blind. I forgot what I was missing.

Also try to have a full or near full bladder

Personally I always have a wee beforehand. Feeling like I need one puts me off. Grin I know you're supposed to have one after, though.

I do enjoy/come by PIV. But usually need a bit of warming up beforehand.

Don't get on with on top as you sort of need a sense of rhythm. Doggy style is my fave, it must be the positioning of my anatomy or something. I quite like missionary too. @musicmama18 Do you have a favourite position? Or do they feel much of a muchness?

@musicmama18 So, we have as ideas vibrator, on top, DH doing the fingering/toy whatever.

You can also combine some vibrators with PIV, particularly on top as you can hold one against you as you do it. Some people like that.

Please let us know how you get on. x

Saltyauntiepoop · 21/08/2020 22:34

Cum laude cum load Wink

Whathewhatnow · 21/08/2020 22:35

Yeah "cum" sounds like SMS to me. Bit like 'could of'

I know I'm lucky but never had an issue coming any old how with a man I fancied. If things had gone a bit awry it was much more difficult.