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Original poster

DH has never made me cum

114 replies

musicmama18 · 21/08/2020 19:02

Sorry to sound crude or upfront, but after reading an article in a mag recently a woman was basically saying what I am saying here, now..

I've been married for 5 years and together double the amount if time, my DH hasn't once made me finish. I do it myself, usually through masturbation..

What does this mean?!

I enjoy sex with him and he finishes each time. Sometimes, we will finish together by masturbation. But never once through sexual intercourse!

We've never really made it a main focus thought tbh, it has been mentioned but foreplay and then me masturbating myself is the way I do..

Anyone else share their experiences? Thoughts?

Thx x

OP posts:

Bbang · 22/08/2020 16:15

He’s not weirded out by your vagina, he’s completely lazy and just put to use you to make himself orgasm.

He uses your body for his own pleasure then just leaves you to it because it’s too much effort to help you to orgasm. I would not be happy with that in the slightest.

Bbang · 22/08/2020 16:17

wants to not put you 😅

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 22/08/2020 19:22

@UnaCorda

I've been thinking of creating a thread for ages just to try to find out what's 'normal' for others in terms of frequency and duration. I realise everyone is different but just wondered what others experiences are.

There have been lots of these threads before so you could search for one of those.

There is no "normal". Human sexuality is a huge spectrum.

You can want sex once every three months, or three times a day. You can have one orgasm and be done for the day (me!) or have multiples. You can get off being fucked hard, or you can get off with gentle oral only.

None of this is "wrong" or abnormal. It's very personal and we shouldn't be shamed about it.

Glittergirl80 · 22/08/2020 19:28

@Immigrantsong

What position do you normally dtd?

Woman on top is usually the best, as it allows you to have more control.

Also try to have a full or near full bladder and do loads and loads of foreplay beforehand.

And keep practicing.

I can't possess cum with a full bladder if anything it stops me cumming - do u find it actually helps u? xx

TinyMetalBirds · 22/08/2020 21:40

@Immigrantsong

A full and near full bladder does NOT cause UTIs.

As long as you wee after sex, which you should anyways.

It does for me. And Googling, I see that if you are prone to UTIs you are are advised to empty your bladder before sex.

MingeofDeath · 22/08/2020 21:55

Ask him to suck your clit as if sucking on a strawberry

Immigrantsong · 22/08/2020 22:04

@Glittergirl80

It's one of the techniques advised. If you struggle then by al means don't do it and do what feels right for you. We are all different and I wanted to suggest something to the OP in case she hasn't tried it.

@TinyMetalBirds I am sorry to hear that. Obviously avoid anything you know can cause you issues. I simply offered some advice in case the OP hadn't tried this as it can help. Like I have said in other posts of mine in this thread, everyone is different and people need to try to find what works for them by trying new things and practicing.

DopamineHits · 22/08/2020 22:17

If you make yourself orgasm by stimulating your clit, you have your answer really. PIV doesn't usually involve direct clit contact.

Imagine if the clit was internal... We'd never get anything done. We'd probably still not have electricity yet...

DopamineHits · 22/08/2020 22:24

Swap the sexes. There would be uproar if a man suggested his wife wasn't making him come.

Well, you can't really swap the sexes, because it's just not the same, we're working with different equipment, and different expectations. And uproar... how?

PIV tends to result in orgasm for healthy het men most of the time. But not for women because the primary instrument for making them come is not in the vagina.

(And I think a good chunk of the percentage of the women who say they come from PIV may be unaware of what an orgasm really is. Through my twenties I assumed the building up and ebbing away of sexual pleasure was an orgasm... So I would say that I came during PIV, until I finally had a real orgasm at the age of 29 and realized I hadn't been, and that I'd really been missing out! Unfortunately many women and many more men are ignorant of a lot of aspects of female sexuality.)

SoulofanAggron · 22/08/2020 22:38

Imagine if the clit was internal... We'd never get anything done. We'd probably still not have electricity yet

@DopamineHits LOL!

And I think a good chunk of the percentage of the women who say they come from PIV may be unaware of what an orgasm really is. Through my twenties I assumed the building up and ebbing away of sexual pleasure was an orgasm... So I would say that I came during PIV, until I finally had a real orgasm at the age of 29 and realized I hadn't been

Had you ever masturbated? Don't you think if someone masturbates then they learn what an orgasm is, given enough time? I suppose some people never do it.

BertiesLanding · 23/08/2020 14:00

@DopamineHits

Swap the sexes. There would be uproar if a man suggested his wife wasn't making him come.

Well, you can't really swap the sexes, because it's just not the same, we're working with different equipment, and different expectations. And uproar... how?

PIV tends to result in orgasm for healthy het men most of the time. But not for women because the primary instrument for making them come is not in the vagina.

Point taken. I still believe that, as a woman, my orgasm is my responsibility. That doesn't mean that I make myself orgasm, but that I am clear about what's working for me, what isn't, what I need, and what I don't need in order to climax.

If none of that works, and I'm not satisfied, and my partner doesn't care, I continue to exercise responsibility by leaving and finding a better sexual partner.

Beebopbad · 23/08/2020 14:25

It's not abnormal not to orgasm through PiV. Personally I find it easier on top so I can control the pressure, also lots of lube. It also really depends on the time of the month; its much easier in week two of my cycle which makes sense as thats when the body is gearing up to ovulate. Not to take the fun out of it. Also the small bullet vibrators are A-MAZING.

My ex partner used to always make me come first orally, as afterwards he was too spent!

I think the important thing is that you have the option if you want to.

Wondersense · 23/08/2020 16:17

@dementedma

Does anyone else fucking hate the spelling of the word "cum". Is it even a word? Just write "come". We all know what you mean.

As you were

Yes. I don't like it either XD

QwertyZXY · 24/08/2020 12:11

@UnaCorda

Yes, as ChubbyPigeon says, it means he's shit in bed. And by that I don't mean not having an amazing technique, I just mean he's lazy.

It's not that hard to make a woman orgasm, especially one you've had ten years to practise with. You just need a bit of imagination, a bit of patience and perseverence, and to be willing to defer your own orgasm for five or ten minutes.

It's much easier for a man to come, especially through PiV, but he's not much cop as a lover if he just goes straight for intercourse without making sure you're satisfied - that's just selfish.

Exactly this! He needs to make sure you cum before he gets to shag you... Once a bloke has cum, his motivation in making you cum is vastly less than just before he does.

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