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Original poster

DH has never made me cum

114 replies

musicmama18 · 21/08/2020 19:02

Sorry to sound crude or upfront, but after reading an article in a mag recently a woman was basically saying what I am saying here, now..

I've been married for 5 years and together double the amount if time, my DH hasn't once made me finish. I do it myself, usually through masturbation..

What does this mean?!

I enjoy sex with him and he finishes each time. Sometimes, we will finish together by masturbation. But never once through sexual intercourse!

We've never really made it a main focus thought tbh, it has been mentioned but foreplay and then me masturbating myself is the way I do..

Anyone else share their experiences? Thoughts?

Thx x

OP posts:
TunaWhite · 21/08/2020 22:37

I've slept with 26 men and never orgasmed.

The only way I can orgasm is through clitoral stimulation, and I'd rather do that myself, alone. Having a man do it for you makes it seem like they are watching you and you have to put on a show like you're really into it. I just lay silently and then enjoy the ride at the end. It feels super boring and awkward. The idea of a man performing oral on me is also disgusting to me

UnaCorda · 21/08/2020 22:38

@Saltyauntiepoop

I must be weird then because i often hear women swear by cowgirl position. I never come on top. In fact, being on top is a turn off for me.
I don't either. It pisses me off when the man wants me on top - no chance of an orgasm and he wants me to do all the work.
TinyMetalBirds · 21/08/2020 22:39

Don't have sex with a full bladder. It's a fast track to a UTI.

Whathewhatnow · 21/08/2020 22:43

@TunaWhite why have you slept with 26 blokes, all duds for you? My hit rate is far lower but only one was a complete write-off
......

Whathewhatnow · 21/08/2020 22:45

But contrary to above advice I like sex with a semi full bladder. Dont know why, just feels good.

BlueSlice · 21/08/2020 22:48

If he’s not going down on you then I hope you’re not going down on him.

If you finish by masturbating then is there a reason he’s not doing that for you?

You need to stop accepting it: if he gets his then you should get yours.

BlueSlice · 21/08/2020 22:50

@TunaWhite that’s so sad. If you feel like you have to put on a show do you think you could be with the wrong guy(s)?

suggestionsplease1 · 21/08/2020 22:53

If you can make yourself orgasm by hand he should be able to do the same, unless you feel inhibited and that makes things harder.

Why don't you both try him touching you by hand to near orgasm (show him how if need be) and then PIV sex, ideally in a position that continues similar location/ pressure of stimulation to what you were enjoying before by hand.

Do they still sell those cock rings with vibrators attached for near clitoris during PIV sex? They might help.

I don't know, I only sleep with women and I think we experience these issues less frequently in partner sex.

Livandme · 21/08/2020 22:54

The worst sex for me has been where I have had to finish myself off via masturbation.
Just feels wrong, the bloke should be doing it imo.
Was a sign of a death nail in a previous relationship. It said, I cba with you or your pleasure.
I would insist any future partner was up for oral also as done right it's the best thing!

Immigrantsong · 21/08/2020 22:55

A full and near full bladder does NOT cause UTIs.

As long as you wee after sex, which you should anyways.

SkinnywannabeKBH · 21/08/2020 23:01

I don't orgasm through penetration unfortunately. I've been with my Husband for 20yrs and never have I orgasmed through penetration alone. My husband has to do a good bit of foreplay and just as I'm about to be tipped over the edge hell put it in. This works so well for us and it means we both orgasm together which I do love.
There are times we don't do it like that and we just have a lot of fun and it's just as good.

Speak to your husband, suggest role play, suggest blind folding eachother and have a lot of fun with it. Don't put pressure on yourself, just go with it.
Definitely start to use toys too. It makes things a lot of fun too.

msflibble · 21/08/2020 23:05

I come every time but that's because I always use my hand while we're having sex. If I didn't do that I wouldn't orgasm most of the time.

Most women can't come just through penetration. It's nice but you also need clitoral stimulation. Use your hand while you have sex with him next time and thank me later.

AriettyHomily · 21/08/2020 23:06

All of you that don't come through PIV do you masturbate? Just wondering if there's a correlation between not and knowing your own body a bit more?

FlowerPig · 21/08/2020 23:07

Oh bless you.

I think I would feel totally frustrated if I had to finish myself after sex, and mortified if DP did. That probably says more about my self-esteem though.

Have you tried focusing more on foreplay than intercourse and see if he can get you over the edge that way? Even with toys as mentioned above (him using them?)

I orgasm quicker from the right kind of foreplay before intercourse. Especially when role playing and/or talking dirty.

Wishing you many leg twitching times ahead that aren't self inflicted x

PussGirl · 21/08/2020 23:11

I occasionally reach orgasm through PIV but it's much more intense if I help during or before / after.

If I come it's when I'm on top & rock back and forth, rather than moving up and down. I can't get the right pressure & angle on my clitoris to make it a really big one & just PIV without clitoris, while very nice, just won't get me there. Fitting my / his hand in as well is tricky so we usually sort me out later with a proper one. He comes with me on top sometimes - if not he is sorted out afterwards too Smile

I never came on top with XH - he had a very big but weirdly-shaped cock that wasn't very comfortable. Current DP and I fit perfectly.

Voice0fReason · 21/08/2020 23:11

It's not that hard to make a woman orgasm
That's just not true. Women are all different. Some orgasm easily, others take a lot more time and effort, some need vibrators.

Most women don't orgasm through penetration alone, they need additional clitoral stimulation - that can be done by either of you, whatever you like best.

I hate having sex with anything other than an empty bladder. It's just not comfortable.

Scbchl · 21/08/2020 23:17

Get yourself a bullet and use it for clitoral stimulation during penetration. I basically use it every single time we have sex now and went from being someone who never had an orgasm ever to having one every single time. Also get some other sex toys and make sex more fun. Aim to bring each other to orgasm without having penetrative sex sometimes if it doesnt do it for you. He needs to make more effort.

RAOK · 21/08/2020 23:17

I masterbate with a full bladder but I always wee before sex. I have to stimulate my clit during PIV too.

OhYeahYouSuck · 21/08/2020 23:17

Many women don't cum through PIV because the clitoris isn't usually in the best place for this to be stimulated. G spot is different and I can feel that's being stimulated when I'm on my front with a pillow under my hips. They reckon the g spot actually goes all the way from your clitoris anyway.

It's normal OP. I'd get a wand, they're fab and never fail to do the job. Sometimes DP uses it, sometimes I do whilst he does other things. He's very good at getting me going with oral/fingers but I seem to have a bit of a block about going over the edge so we use other things to help. It all adds to a good session.

Wearywithteens · 21/08/2020 23:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

SoulofanAggron · 21/08/2020 23:24

I don't either. It pisses me off when the man wants me on top - no chance of an orgasm and he wants me to do all the work.

@UnaCorda I don't like how my tummy looks on top, either.

@TunaWhite Do you think there is some reason you feel that way about sex with a man? Or is it just one of those things? I have been turned off sex by my latest ex.

Do they still sell those cock rings with vibrators attached for near clitoris during PIV sex?

@suggestionsplease1 I've not tried them but I think you can get them quite easily. @musicmama18 for the men I've slept with with ED, a good thing was a hollow vibrating strap on. www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/strap-ons/hollow-strap-ons/ As it vibrates, it feels good for both the man and the woman. Some men might not be up for that though. I personally think the black looks better than a penis.

Speak to your husband, suggest role play, suggest blind folding each other and have a lot of fun with it.

@musicmama18 Yes. Does any sort of kink sound interesting to you? www.dailydot.com/irl/what-does-kink-mean/

Immigrantsong · 21/08/2020 23:29

The whole point is that we are all different and what works for one may not work for another.

Hence why practice is essential and trying out new things.

However, I do think that the best sex is easier achieved when we feel completely comfortable first in ourselves and then with our partners.

Explore and have fun.

Heartofglass12345 · 21/08/2020 23:35

What does he do afterwards if you haven't finished? Does he just carry in or does he even try? I don't usually orgasm unless I have clitoral stimulation, sometimes I can if I'm on top. I love the feel of doggy style but it doesn't make me orgasm. We usually use a clitoral vibrator either during or afterwards but he always makes sure i cum, he never just leaves me to it!

rosiejaune · 21/08/2020 23:41

I recommend the website OMGYes, which will help you narrow down what you like, and then he can learn from it.

TitsOutForHarambe · 22/08/2020 00:12

I think if you're both having orgasms together then it doesn't matter much how you're having them, as long as you are both satisfied.

The bit about him being weirded out by your vagina is a bit concerning though... if that's the reason for him not going down on you anymore then I think he's being selfish and needs to grow up a bit.