Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH has never made me cum

114 replies

musicmama18 · 21/08/2020 19:02

Sorry to sound crude or upfront, but after reading an article in a mag recently a woman was basically saying what I am saying here, now..

I've been married for 5 years and together double the amount if time, my DH hasn't once made me finish. I do it myself, usually through masturbation..

What does this mean?!

I enjoy sex with him and he finishes each time. Sometimes, we will finish together by masturbation. But never once through sexual intercourse!

We've never really made it a main focus thought tbh, it has been mentioned but foreplay and then me masturbating myself is the way I do..

Anyone else share their experiences? Thoughts?

Thx x

OP posts:
honeylulu · 22/08/2020 00:18

Bloody hell if a man didn't make me orgasm the first time I wouldn't bother with him again. Life's too short for crap, selfish sexual partners.

So he gets a nice satisfying shag and you have to finish yourself off? Even though he's there? Good good, what's the point of him?

MrsTombliboo · 22/08/2020 00:26

This thread makes me sad. I've been with DH for 20 years and never managed to make him orgasm, manually or via oral, despite years of trying.

From reading this thread, I'm crap in bed, lazy and selfish.

Sextalknc · 22/08/2020 00:43

Dh and I were together about 8yrs before I had an orgasm (not that he knew that at the time Wink. The sex was enjoyable, but it just never happened for me. He did put effort into foreplay but it still didn't happen.
It didn't bother me.
Then I don't know what changed but something finally did.

Now (over 14yrs together) our sex life is completely different.
I have multiple orgasms almost everytime. Dh goes down on me most times too now, whereas before it was a rarity. The change in his foreplay was very noticeable and I have no idea what caused such a sudden change and he claims not to have noticed. (It was so noticeable, it made me wonder if I had something to worry about!) I also orgasm with penetration too.

I'd be thrilled with our sex life, if only we had it more often.
We don't have sex often and penetration doesn't last long when we do, though it never has. I often feel a guilty that I get so much pleasure while he only gets the one orgasm. I can't do much for him most of the time, because he can't hold on long. I've been thinking of creating a thread for ages just to try to find out what's 'normal' for others in terms of frequency and duration. I realise everyone is different but just wondered what others experiences are.

If you're happy with your relationship and sex life, then no problem. But it definitely sounds as if your dh could do more for you.

Osirus · 22/08/2020 00:54

I really wouldn’t see the point in the effort of having sex with a man if it didn’t end in orgasm.

I’ve only been with DH. We’ve been together 14 years and he has ALWAYS made sure I’ve finished. There hasn’t been a single occasion where I haven’t. He’s a perfectionist in everything he does so I’m not surprised!

He’s great at foreplay. We usually finish with PIV.

Your DH sounds either lazy or just not interested in your pleasure. I know my DH would feel, pardon the pun, a bit of a dick if he wilfully left me to it.

Has he never mentioned it to you? Perhaps he just assumed it’s normal for women not to enjoy sex as much as men? Maybe he just needs a bit of help to get you there?

Heartofglass12345 · 22/08/2020 01:07

@MrsTombliboo
You aren't any of those things, because you obviously care about it.
She hasn't said if he even tries afterwards or whether he just rolls over and goes to sleep.

Colouringaddict · 22/08/2020 03:22

I have had a couple of long term relationships, but only married once (been together for 28 years) and that is because he is the most considerate lover. Since the menopause, I have found it difficult to orgasm, not due to dryness or anything physical, I assume it’s hormonal, he knows me so well that he knows what works and will persevere until I have reached climax. I sometimes feel pressured then, but not because he makes me feel that way. There are occasions I don’t need to orgasm, sometimes I initiate sex for the intimacy, not to orgasm. We have sex toys and use them every time we have sex. He has really high blood pressure and the meds he takes for that means his erection isn’t always reliable, so this week, he is off work and we are going to experiment. I think our bodies and their responses have changed with age.
He would be mortified if I have to masturbate after Sex on my own.
If you are intimate enough that you have sex, you should be able to have a conversation about what works for you.

Daph73 · 22/08/2020 04:00

Disgusting topic title.

UnaCorda · 22/08/2020 06:42

I've been thinking of creating a thread for ages just to try to find out what's 'normal' for others in terms of frequency and duration. I realise everyone is different but just wondered what others experiences are.

There have been lots of these threads before so you could search for one of those.

StarlightLady · 22/08/2020 08:49

OP, if he was making you climax through oral 2 years ago, what is he doing differently now?

Eyesofdisarray · 22/08/2020 10:30

Good grief- so much sharing Blush

SoulofanAggron · 22/08/2020 10:42

@Eyesofdisarray I think it's important for women to share their experiences etc. There are a lot of things society does not want us to talk about, but we should anyway.

It's not like the sharing isn't relevant here. If you don't like it, don't read it.

Eyesofdisarray · 22/08/2020 11:19

Didn't say anything about whether I liked it or disliked it - just a comment on 'sharing' Are you the thread police??????????
Maybe something has to be read before one decides?????

Beware of those that post for other people's 'enjoyment'............

OhYeahYouSuck · 22/08/2020 11:30

@Daph73

Disgusting topic title.
Why look then. Fgs.
OhYeahYouSuck · 22/08/2020 11:31

@Eyesofdisarray

Didn't say anything about whether I liked it or disliked it - just a comment on 'sharing' Are you the thread police?????????? Maybe something has to be read before one decides?????

Beware of those that post for other people's 'enjoyment'............

I don't see what difference it makes when ultimately it will also help women to see that there is no 'normal' and that everyone is different and does things in different ways.
Eyesofdisarray · 22/08/2020 11:43

Ok then

BertiesLanding · 22/08/2020 12:06

If this is real ...

Your orgasm is not your husband's responsibility.

Saltyauntiepoop · 22/08/2020 12:23

@BertiesLanding

If this is real ...

Your orgasm is not your husband's responsibility.

Tf?!
threecee · 22/08/2020 12:55

As a matter of interest why did you post on here about this ? have you seriously no clue as to what you replies would be ?

SoulofanAggron · 22/08/2020 13:06

As a matter of interest why did you post on here about this ? have you seriously no clue as to what you replies would be?

@threecee Sometimes people are so immersed in a relationship/used to something, they only get as far as an inner voice saying 'I don't think this is ok' then they need other people's opinions to help them confirm it to themselves or expand on it. As OP said, she didn't even really think about it until she saw an article.

There have been people in the thread saying there's nothing wrong with her husband never making her come. So OP might have been in two minds herself.

@Eyesofdisarray How else were we going to help the OP? Apart from just saying maybe her husband isn't the best in bed and she should move on, as some PP's have said. It's you that's acting like the thread police, implying people sharing what's worked for them to try and help the OP is somehow wrong.

TopCherry · 22/08/2020 13:10

For about 6 months mine was the same. Then we had a chat about how I wanted more foreplay and now he always makes sure cum at least once before any PiV Same... I get served first through oral now.
I also have found that a rubber lasso? Rubber tie like a cock ring with dangly bits got me off with PiV as it rubbed the right part 😉

Colouringaddict · 22/08/2020 13:12

@threecee

As a matter of interest why did you post on here about this ? have you seriously no clue as to what you replies would be ?
Not everyone is worldly wise and well read. OP clearly stated that he is her only sexual partner, so why is it so bad that she has asked on a forum that is mainly women, what their experiences are? Gone are the days where women were expected to make sex all about the male pleasure, thank goodness. I think it is fantastic that she has read the posts and is going to try some of the things that have been suggested, which will hopefully bring them a richer, more satisfying sex life from now on.
Namechangedyorkshire · 22/08/2020 13:32

@musicmama18

You are both the first for each other and no matter how romantic that may feel it isn't always great for your sex life as experience is what makes this good

I lost my virginity at 19 but my then BF was 24 and experienced. Without going through it all he knew what to do especially for my first time and he took me away for a weekend. I was relaxed and he took a very long time over things and showed me what was nice for him and he was very tuned in seeing what made me feel good once I relaxed. By the time he penetrated next, for a Virgin I was almost desperate for him inside me. I had more than one orgasm and after that night I kept learning.

The point of this is that experience is what helps, not just with other people but with each other. You need time to relax (not always easy with a two year old) but make time and gradually try different things. Be experimental and accept if there is something one of you doesn't like then move on. Toys can be fun although I found that the rabbit makes me orgasm far too quickly as is very intense on the clitoris.

Oral is a must if possible. If you are not, maybe try being fully shaved or waxed even...most me love doing oral when you are like that. Wearing a open fronted thing or basque can excite things more.

Honestly it sounds like there are lots of things to do but take your time and grow your sex life together....you can only get experience together now as other people isn't an option (not in my opinion anyway!) but maybe try watching a film together more designed for women...can't remember the name of any as ages since we did but I found something with a story was quite erotic

Good luck anyway

Eyesofdisarray · 22/08/2020 13:41

OP I wish you well.
I think your previous posts indicate there may be other stuff going on.
Do you need a heart-to-heart first before you address the problem you posted about here?
It sounds difficult for you.
I'm not trying to be obstructive or difficult (despite some PPs tagging me to that effect!!!)
But the sad fact is that not everyone reads (or posts) with good intentions.
All the best OP Flowers

Original poster
musicmama18 · 22/08/2020 13:43

Some great, new ideas for me on here and good for thought.. never meant to offend anyone, talking about female pleasure and sexuality should be a norm! Just like sex and pleasure is very male oriented, for me personally a varied/interesting sex life is important and that’s why I wrote on here, to find out other women’s views and knowledge of things that may work for them or things I can change/introduce for my relationship..

Unfortunately, I don’t have any people I would (want to) openly share this with so asking on here works better for me.. thanks to everyone who has posted positively and for your insights 🙏 that’s exactly what I was hoping for.

OP posts:
BertiesLanding · 22/08/2020 16:11

@Saltyauntiepoop

Swap the sexes. There would be uproar if a man suggested his wife wasn't making him come.

Swipe left for the next trending thread