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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Prostitutes

376 replies

allgoodinthehood · 21/08/2020 16:22

Can I please have an honest opinion on what you really think of people who use prostitution.
I was talking to a friend about it and we had completely different ideas on this subject.
ie a man using a prostitute when he was in a relationship and was away on holiday.

OP posts:
Buggedandconfused · 21/08/2020 23:22

I found out my ex had used escorts when we were together. We had a cracking sex life too. For him
I believe it was less about the sex and more about him being in control and manipulative. He ended up being abusive so go figure.

BilboBercow · 21/08/2020 23:37

I think men who think they can pay to rent out a woman's body are rapists.

MsWonderful · 21/08/2020 23:39

@BilboBercow

I think men who think they can pay to rent out a woman's body are rapists.
Yes, agree. They are. You can’t buy true consent and sex without consent is rape.
Vodkacranberryplease · 22/08/2020 00:49

@Bwlch

sex workers do not want to be sex workers

I once chatted to a very sophisticated and extremely attractive woman in the foyer of an hotel in Monaco while waiting for my husband. It turned out that she was prostitute. She enjoyed her job and made no secret of it.

Have you ever heard of PR? No sane sex worker is going to say "oh fuck I hate this, but I was sexually abused as a child and this is alI I think I'm worth"

Many many many years ago I was friend with some high class escorts. Very nice girls. A couple were outwardly respectable mums. Only one on drugs and you'd never know. One day we got talking. I was the ONLY ONE there who had not been sexually abused as a child. All of the working girls had been abused sexually, several by relatives.

That is literally the reality of it.

Rogerdoger · 22/08/2020 00:56

@Anordinarymum

The thing here is, that some men who have sexless marriages at home but don't want to divorce see sex workers as an alternative to having an affair which can end up very messy. I wonder if a wife would prefer to know her husband was using a condom on someone he did not know or doing it without with someone he might have feelings for ???

Just sayin........

My wife has told me in the past that was one of the things they (the management at the whorehouse she used to work at) used to keep telling the girls (prostitutes) to ease their consciences. That they were almost doing public service work, keeping the sexually frustrated old men of the world happy, so they wouldn’t have to cheat on their wives. Wouldn’t it be better that they fuck you and you make a good living in the mean time and that way they don’t have to run around having an affair or cheat on their wives. No emotional attachment, no one gets hurt and you (and most importantly her freaking boss) get rich in the process, everybody’s a winner! Good grief!

That was another thing my wife put up with as a little girl. Her father was a deacon at the local church but he was a regular at the massage parlor up the street and came home with an STD a couple times. Her mother and dad used to fight all the time about him frequenting prostitutes and my wife as a small child used to blame herself. That didn’t help her self esteem one bit either. There is such a thing as unintended consequences. Prostitution is not only damaging to the prostitute, but to the John and often times the wife and family. I DO KNOW THIS FOR CERTAIN.

Of course the John has never cared about the prostitute and they never will. They figure as long as they are paying for it, that entitles them to do whatever they want, whether it was agreed upon or not, once they bought and paid for you, you have become their property. This feeling of entitlement often turns into violence, never respect.

If a wife considers her husband doing that to a woman (prostitute) under those circumstances, and who knows how her husband is treating that prostitute, is he subjecting her to violence, is he going to her because it’s easier on his conscience to pay to abuse another woman, someone he has no emotional attachment to, rather than abuse his own wife, if she is willing to live with that under any circumstance, well then that’s something that she has to decide for herself. Like I said in my original reply, I am very close to the subject and have a very strong opinion, but don’t expect anyone else to hold or share the same opinion, I’m just sharing my story.

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 22/08/2020 12:01

@BilboBercow

I think men who think they can pay to rent out a woman's body are rapists.
I agree with you.
StillWeRise · 22/08/2020 20:32

thanks for telling your story Roger

Blushingm · 22/08/2020 22:11

Everyone is assuming that it's only men who pay for sex - women also use prostitutes

PercyKirke · 23/08/2020 00:37

As a man, I find it interesting how men's view on this seems to have changed. Back in the 70s (when I was in my 20s) a bloke who admitted he'd used a prostitute would have been looked upon as a total loser. Guys used to boast that they'd never had to (or never would) pay for a shag. Now guys seem to be quite happy to admit to their mates that they've done this on stag weekends or whatever. Odd.

Iloveme30 · 23/08/2020 01:18

I'm in the minority here 😂 I've a very and I mean very good looking husband women , girls even teenagers literally stare at him everywhere we go ☹️ he's used prostitutes before back in his younger days . It doesn't bother me he done it not that he needed to it was a case of he could so he did 🙄 as long as it was before me I honestly couldn't care less . He's a very good (open book) cards on the table sort of bloke it's none of my business what he done before me . If he was lying about it well that's different. Some men are creepy some men aren't but prostitution will never stop

Cocomarine · 23/08/2020 02:02

@allgoodinthehood

But I suppose my question is would you judge the man and think less of him if he used a prostitue. There is no agreement in his relationship that its ok to do this . As in she has no clue that he has .
I genuinely don’t understand your question.

Whatever anyone’s personal view on the morality of prostitution, how could you not think less of a man who buys sex with someone else, when they are in a relationship, and their partner doesn’t know.

Such an odd question. Would you not think less of them?

StamfordHill · 23/08/2020 02:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

shalhoub · 23/08/2020 02:27

A man who's used a prostitute has paid to rape a woman.
You cannot but consent.
If I was with a man and discovered he had been with a prostitute, I would leave him.
He is a rapist.

beautifulmonument · 23/08/2020 02:28

I would definitely judge a man who'd paid for sex and I wouldn't want to have anything to do with him.

berrylands · 23/08/2020 02:36

If the women are trafficked, what the "clients" do is paying other men to rape women they have kidnapped.
I wouldn't have an issue if the women were doing it voluntarily, but when there's no way to be sure I think the men that pay for sex are criminals

DancingCatGif · 23/08/2020 02:37

Never OK. It is not OK to purchase someone's body and anyone doing it just comes across as a total sad sack.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2020 03:34

@Blushingm

Everyone is assuming that it's only men who pay for sex - women also use prostitutes
Give me a break. Male prostitutes who see exclusively female clients pretty much don't exist. I've met hundreds of prostituted women, and a few men. They all saw male clients.

The closest thing is women going to Morocco or Gambia and sleeping with young, local men. For money. And yes, I judge the shit out of those women too.

DancingCatGif · 23/08/2020 04:29

Yes, those thousands of male brothels you see everywhere, all those young men you see standing on the street wearing next to nothing, all the women who flock to Thailand to have sex with poor young men.

hammie46i · 23/08/2020 05:14

I think it's appalling and I would never associate with someone who I knew had used a prostitute in the past, or uses them. You cannot buy consent.

I worked with sex workers in the past, and most (but not all) have a background where you can clearly see how they ended up in that profession and it isn't a nice story. It usually involves abuse, exploitation, poverty, drugs, feeling like there's no other option to take care of themselves or their kids financially.

So therefore, if you're using prostitutes, you're a scumbag who takes advantage of someone else's misfortune or disempowerment.

Manolin · 23/08/2020 06:58

When I hear of groups of men going on mates’ holidays or stag do’s to Amsterdam, Prague or Thailand, I just shudder. There is one main reason they choose to go to those places and it isn’t because beer is less than £1 a pint.

Potterpotterpotter · 23/08/2020 07:21

Sleeping with a sex worker while I’m a relationship is cheating imo.

When single it’s up to them. Wouldn’t judge them for it.

Potterpotterpotter · 23/08/2020 07:21

In a relationship*

DancingCatGif · 23/08/2020 07:23

"I worked with sex workers in the past, and most (but not all) have a background where you can clearly see how they ended up in that profession and it isn't a nice story. It usually involves abuse, exploitation, poverty, drugs, feeling like there's no other option to take care of themselves or their kids financially."

Exactly. I used to have quite bad mh problems and so many of the women I met in hospitals/group therapy had ended up in prostitution. Far more than the average woman I meet. So many stories of abuse and neglect. It's depressing really, especially with the whole push to normalise 'sex work'.

pangolina · 23/08/2020 07:28

I think men who use sex workers are gross and must possess attitudes to women that would make it impossible for me to have a relationship with them, or even a real friendship.

Noextremes2017 · 23/08/2020 07:29

@Rogerdoger

Moving and sad story. But glad things have worked out well for you both!

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