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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Prostitutes

376 replies

allgoodinthehood · 21/08/2020 16:22

Can I please have an honest opinion on what you really think of people who use prostitution.
I was talking to a friend about it and we had completely different ideas on this subject.
ie a man using a prostitute when he was in a relationship and was away on holiday.

OP posts:
HappydaysArehere · 24/08/2020 10:03

Makes me itchy to think of it.

Blushingm · 24/08/2020 10:29

@hammie46i probably around 30% of men, women less so.

Oldest I saw was a 96 year old who'd been to Thailand and his condom had come off during sex

It's quite common for men on lads holidays

Astella22 · 24/08/2020 11:08

I couldn’t look at someone the same way if I knew they had ever paid for sex, it’s disgusting to use another person in that way be it man or woman.

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 24/08/2020 11:11

@Blushingm

Interesting that your experience says 30% because official stats say 10% I think. I do believe that most men wouldn’t admit to it. I know of a couple of guys who’ve done it that are now with partners who are blissfully unaware.

Inappropriatefemale · 24/08/2020 11:12

[quote Blushingm]@hammie46i probably around 30% of men, women less so.

Oldest I saw was a 96 year old who'd been to Thailand and his condom had come off during sex

It's quite common for men on lads holidays[/quote]
Condom came off?! Pffft more like he didn’t use one! The age group of that man are the worst for wanting unprotected sex because of their age, then they think they are invincible to disease, plus the Thai ladies are paid pennies so will do BB for extra, half of them are probably walking about with HIV and not knowing and there will be many men who also have it and not know and sleep with their wives after unprotected sex with these desperate ladies, I feel sorry for the wives of men that are married to these creeps yet think their hubby is someone he isn’t, and I feel very sorry for the Thai ladies.

Blushingm · 24/08/2020 11:15

@Inappropriatefemale - I'm
Just repeating the story he gave me!Wink

hammie46i · 24/08/2020 11:18

[quote Blushingm]@hammie46i probably around 30% of men, women less so.

Oldest I saw was a 96 year old who'd been to Thailand and his condom had come off during sex

It's quite common for men on lads holidays[/quote]
How grim. Thanks for responding.

I wonder if it's fairly high because the people who come for STI tests are more likely to have had risky sex and people who don't come in for STI screening are more likely to be the people in long term relationships?

Inappropriatefemale · 24/08/2020 14:52

[quote Blushingm]@Inappropriatefemale - I'm
Just repeating the story he gave me!Wink[/quote]
Aw yes I know hun! I was just saying that I think he was lying because he would be too ashamed to admit he did it bareback.

Scorpiowoman80 · 24/08/2020 21:04

I think anyone who uses prostitutes are disgusting. Buying a person to have sex with isn’t consent and almost all of the people who are prostitutes do it not out of choice. Some are runaways, some are on drugs and some are forced.

Scorpiowoman80 · 24/08/2020 21:10

I can’t believe some women are saying that prostitution is consent! To give your consent you have to WANT to have sex with the other person, I guarantee non of the women/men that prostitute themselves would ever have sex with these people if money wasn’t involved.

RaininSummer · 24/08/2020 21:14

I am with the earlier poster in thinking a man who did that is a sad pig.

ilikemethewayiam · 25/08/2020 00:24

My ex DH of 22 years was using sex workers. When I found out I was so shocked I also ended up diagnosed with PTSD. I divorced him immediately! It’s the most horrendous feeling in the world, not just from the cheating and health risk perspective but to think he viewed women as objects to be purchased. The level of misogyny it takes to do that was what I could never get over. The thought of him makes me shudder with disgust!

NiceGerbil · 25/08/2020 00:30

OP not been back?

I find it hard to imagine that there are many women who would be aok with their partner paying for sex.

The men I know who have done it I think are scum whether single or not.

The ones with partners are double scum, if that's a thing.

famousforwrongreason · 25/08/2020 02:39

There's a series on i player at the moment, something like red light district : sex drugs and murder.
It's fucking heartbreaking.
The state of the women is absolute rock bottom.
How any bloke can get their rocks off with girls who have to smoke a rock prior to having sex is beyond me.
Most prostitutes/ sex workers say the majority of the customers are married men
I have a background very similar to a lot of these women and in the dark past toyed with the idea of prostitution.
Sadly I just gave it up for free to anyone who showed any interest.
Guys who fuck clearly vulnerable women are arseholes, whether or not they are paying

MsTSwift · 25/08/2020 04:36

Famous I used to work in an office situated in a beautiful square that was a hub for street prostitutes. These poor women - reeling round the streets, half had no teeth, shouting at office workers. They used to do aggressive begging too. My friend and I found one with injuries we tried to help her but she refused. Honestly felt so sorry for them how men could have in good conscience had sex with them I will never understand or condone. No humanity whatsoever they needed help.

DancingCatGif · 25/08/2020 05:10

@famousforwrongreason

I get it. I've been there too. Flowers It doesn't matter how much of a state I was in, hardly any guy ever said no.

Inappropriatefemale · 25/08/2020 14:56

I do think paying for sex is a very grey area in some regard, in my earlier post I stated that all men who paid for sex are sexual abusers but that’s just not true of all men.

There were genuinely some really lovely men that paid for it (obviously if they were all bad then so many women wouldn’t do it and the majority were normal men) but you just took one look at them and knew that there was no way they could, excuse my language, ‘get a shag’ in the normal way if their life depended on it, some were very unhygienic, dressed awfully and had no game type thing and they only felt comfy with us escorts because obviously they didn’t have to impress us or anything, then there was men with things like Aspergers whose social skills just weren’t there and I mean seriously high functioning Aspies, I’m not saying men with Aspies can’t get sex but for some they have zero idea how to interact with women.

My ex partner of 5 years has Aspies and he actually was in the year above me at school, we met back in 2013 (and no he didn’t pay me for sex) and he knew that at the time I was an escort and he confided in me that he used escorts because of his Aspergers and he genuinely thought they liked the sex and that’s why they did the job, but I put him right and by the end of our relationship he knew exactly what the real reasons of prostitution were all about, however I do have a natural flair for being easy to talk too and his mother told me that she thought I was good for him and that I had gotten him out of his shell a little with my very personable and friendly, outgoing personality, and I think he just felt extremely comfy with me, but he was 32/33 when we met and I was his second serious girlfriend, his first was at age 19 to 21 so he had been single for 11/12 years when we met, and right now then I do have a feeling that now we are split up then unfortunately, he will be seeing escorts again because as a man, he has needs and he doesn’t have it in him to go out and meet women m, I only met him as we had a mutual friend, also from school, and I met him in the friends house.

In no way, shape or form is my ex a creepy misogynistic man but he just can’t pull women with his personality due to his Aspies, which is quite a shame, he was very good looking though and women always stared at him when we were out and about so he had the looks, the clothes and very sexy (or I thought so back then) but the social stuff just wasn’t there and he couldn’t help it.

I feel for men like my ex feeling like they have to pay for it, but he was single and so wasn’t hurting anyone, he had no drug, drink or smoking habits so his £££ was spent on sex unfortunatelySad.

It’s the men that don’t have to pay and they have wives, partners etc that I have no respect for, one regular user or sauna had wife, a mistress and he was in the sauna 3-4 days a week and went with us all, now that’s a bastard in my opinion.

With some men then I can’t blame them for believing that we actually liked the sex because when they would say “so what got you into this line of work then”, then if you said the money then oh Jesus, that wouldn’t work for you, they start to resent you and then go away on that awful UKPunting site and write horrid things about you all because you admitted that the reason you degrade yourself is for money, so instead you would say (and my very first sauna boss told me to say this) “I do the job because I just love sex and money so I thought why not combine the 2 together then”, and some truly believe this but most of us, who don’t pay for it and are mainly women, can see that it’s so very obvious as to why any women would do that job, men just seem to think that we are as obsessed with sex as much as them, and it’s really frigging annoying, I heard so many men say “if I was a woman I’d have a mattress strapped to my back and be a millionaire” and one guy in the sauna lounge said to him “well actually no you wouldn’t because women don’t think like this and women aren’t as into sex as much as men”, and I thought that as that man knew the score then why the hell did he pay? He had a nice personality, good job, normal social skills, funny and single (he said) yet paid for it, and you think ‘why’, plus he was lovely when he went with you, easy to service and normal to talk too.

It’s men that know that we need the cash and that’s the reason, the only reason that job is done, that pay for it that gets me, but then on the other hand we wanted them to pay for it so we could make money, it’s a very confusing thing to have in your head.

Sorry I’ve rambled but this is like therapy for me to get all the old prostitution issues out of my messed up mind, I wish I never started the damn ‘job’ in the first place, I have ruined a part of me I’ll never get back.

famousforwrongreason · 25/08/2020 15:49

[quote DancingCatGif]@famousforwrongreason

I get it. I've been there too. Flowers It doesn't matter how much of a state I was in, hardly any guy ever said no.[/quote]
Sending hugs. It's heartbreaking isn't it? It sounds like you have awareness now, as do I, but I'm still pretty vulnerable in some ways. These girls and women have nothing.

famousforwrongreason · 25/08/2020 15:53

@MsTSwift

Famous I used to work in an office situated in a beautiful square that was a hub for street prostitutes. These poor women - reeling round the streets, half had no teeth, shouting at office workers. They used to do aggressive begging too. My friend and I found one with injuries we tried to help her but she refused. Honestly felt so sorry for them how men could have in good conscience had sex with them I will never understand or condone. No humanity whatsoever they needed help.
Oh that must have been so hard for you. I have also worked with very vulnerable people and they can definitely be aggressive and very difficult to be around. Sad when you get involved and try to help and they want nothing from you. it really upsets me how defensive they are to the things that would help and little coercion they need to get entrenched deeper into horrific lifestyles. I guess it's partly the familiarity of the situations and the people as well as addiction and loneliness.
Inappropriatefemale · 25/08/2020 16:32

The men that pay street workers are the absolute worst of men that pay for sex, I wonder if they also deluded themselves into thinking that these women just loves sex so much that they are willing to risk their lives just for sex?! These men are definitely sexual abusers and I think it’s why it’s illegal to pay streets workers, or at least it is in some of the UK, not in Halbeck, Leeds though, they have a time zone when street workers can work.

Inappropriatefemale · 25/08/2020 16:32

Holbeck maybe and not Halbeck.

famousforwrongreason · 25/08/2020 16:37

@Inappropriatefemale

The men that pay street workers are the absolute worst of men that pay for sex, I wonder if they also deluded themselves into thinking that these women just loves sex so much that they are willing to risk their lives just for sex?! These men are definitely sexual abusers and I think it’s why it’s illegal to pay streets workers, or at least it is in some of the UK, not in Halbeck, Leeds though, they have a time zone when street workers can work.
Holbeck is where that bbc series is set. Even thinking about the prog makes me want to cry.
freeingNora · 25/08/2020 16:45

The average age of death for a prostitute is 36 years of age

It's a no from me whole people don't need to buy sex because they value human life and have empathy

RaveOm · 25/08/2020 18:03

@Innaprpopriatefemale I’m so sorry those bastards used you like that. It’s them who are worthless, not you Flowers

Inappropriatefemale · 26/08/2020 12:48

[quote RaveOm]@Innaprpopriatefemale I’m so sorry those bastards used you like that. It’s them who are worthless, not you Flowers[/quote]
Thanks but I’m not looking for pity, I didn’t have to be a hooker, I could’ve gotten a normal job with crappy wages but I guess greed overtook me once I seen the money I could earn, I made £480 the very first shift I worked and it was only an 8 hour shift! Of course money is such a pull and we will always need it.

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