Prostitutes

[allgoodinthehood]

Can I please have an honest opinion on what you really think of people who use prostitution.
I was talking to a friend about it and we had completely different ideas on this subject.
ie a man using a prostitute when he was in a relationship and was away on holiday.

would you judge the man and think less of him if he used a prostitue.

Yes, wether he was in a relationship or not.

I would never be friends with someone who thinks they can buy consent, nevermind have a relationship with him.

Men who use prostitution rather than have a wank are entitled misogynistic assholes.

@AgeLikeWine

Some single men genuinely struggle to find girlfriends. They can try as hard as they like using OLD, hobbies etc but cannot find a woman who is willing to have sex with them.

Many women don’t understand this, because any woman can get as much sex as she wants. All she has to do is set up a Tinder profile and say she is looking for ‘no-strings fun”. She will be inundated with offers.

These men then face a choice. Celibacy or paying for the services of a sex worker. In that situation, and assuming the sex worker is making a free choice to do her job, I’m not going to judge either party to that business transactIon.

There is so much wrong with this.

No, women do not get sex whenever they want. What planet are you on?

Men are not "entitled" to sex ever. If there isn't someone willing to have sex with them, they can find relief through the things on the end of their arms. Nasty little incels renting vulva space is not a business transaction I would ever condone.

"consent cannot be purchased"

I think that sums it all up for me.

I judge people who use sex workers, I may not make a huge fuss but I do judge them.

@Daisysandviolets

I personally think if someone is single then it's each to their own but if your in a relationship it's cheating and absolutely not ok! Paying or not paying your still being intimate with someone other than your partner! That being said I guess some people have different relationships/agreements and that's upto them but I personally would not be ok with it.

It's hard for a lot of men to get sex I suppose, but it's against the law to use prostitutes.

I wouldn't even be platonic friends with anyone I knew used prostitutes.

It's exploitive and abusive and a form of rape - bought consent is NOT consent!

Especially since it's pretty easy these days to source properly consensual no strings sex

Plus of course they could simply abstain/sort themselves out.

I've had long periods of celibacy, periods where I've enjoyed Fwb arrangements and all shades in between.

And if the man concerned is in a relationship they are not only cheating which is bad enough but putting their spouse/partner and possibly the mother of their children's sexual health and potentially life at risk.

Nope! Not interested in condoning that at all!

I would think they are not a great person, and I wouldn't want to be involved with them. Women's bodies are not a commodity and consent cannot be purchased. Sex is not a human right, the idea that it's ok to purchase it if you cannot find it consensually is disgusting. Some one using prostitutes when in a relationship is even more disturbing, as in addition to the above they are betraying a partner too.

Turns out that BiL has been paying for a particular kind of sex throughout his 35 year marriage (which is now over as a result). His ex wife has been diagnosed with PTSD, his DC have disowned him. I won’t have him in the house. DH (his brother) is struggling with his feelings about it all. I feel anxious and nauseated when I think about it and I’m by no means a drama llama.
We all (except BiL) are worried about the women involved. The whole thing is utterly horrendous- it’s really not just sex. It destroys lives.

@rollonoctober

Bought consent is not true consent. It's grim, whether he is in a relationship or not.

This.

And also the thought of a man who pays to shag someone because he wants to have a shag, rather than caring if the other person who is a human enjoys it or not... makes me massively think that man is not the kind of person I want to be with.

I cannot imagine fucking someone who I know has done it because I have paid them to, what an empty and dehumanising experience for the punter.

Having a wank means they wouldn't be contributing to a sex trade hugely responsible for sex trafficking or the perpetuating of positioning women as sex objects.

It's grim as well as pathetic for the men who pay and I don't find grim or pathetic men attractive.

Hmm... Twice it's been mentioned after dating a while that they've been tried in the past- weren't sure about where I stood the first time, 2nd time, immediately disappointed sinking feeling, tried to put it out of my mind, but it kept coming back. So no, I'm clear about it now. If I find out it's happened, even historically, it's the end. It's sleazy and indefensible, and says a lot about a man when they volunteer up the info - if they were sorry and embarrassed and ashamed of themselves as they should be, they wouldn't mention it. These were men who were good looking and had absolutely no need to pay for it, not sad and going without.

A sex worker works in the sex industry, but is not necesserily a prostitute. It is two consenting adults. I still think it is wrong but then many people will use one night stands with no wish for a relationship and tbhy there not much better.

I don't care what anyone says sex workers do not want to be sex workers they do not enjoy their jobs. They're vulnerable human beings that deserve the same respect and treatment that anyone else would.

If my son thinks that paying someone to have sex with him is ok I have failed as a parent. Nobody grows up thinking "I'd quite fancy being a sex worker." They do it out of desperation or tragic circumstances.

Absolutely boils my blood! We're all people some are just luckier than others!

Yes I'd judge him. I'd judge him for cheating, for taking advantage of a vulnerable woman, for being a misogynist and for risking his partner's life with potential STDs.

I wouldn't stay friends with him either.

sex workers do not want to be sex workers

Nope. Some women do enjoy the job. The love sex and they are happy to be paid for it.

and assuming the sex worker is making a free choice to do her job

That's the problem though, isn't it.

There aren't many people who truly willingly, happily, freely, independently sell the intimate use of their body. There are some, yes but I'd hazard a guess it's not the majority.

But it's lucrative so it's an "industry", like porn, that is always tainted by coercion, exploitation, vulnerability etc etc.

Most men using prostitutes don't (choose not to) think about it. In fact I'd go so far as to say that they categorise them as a sort sub species who've naturally ended up in that position, in the way slave owners etc in America during slavery thought the slaves had "naturally" ended up in that position and were suited to it.

@ramakinsmarties

sex workers do not want to be sex workers

Nope. Some women do enjoy the job. The love sex and they are happy to be paid for it.

Yes I'm sure they love it. Keep dreaming. Imagine it was your sister or daughter.

ramakinsmarties, that is a tiny minority. Prostitutes have higher levels of post traumatic stress than combat veterans, 85% of them want to leave the industry, many are trafficked, raped, addicted to drugs, or were previous child sex abuse victims.
How can you glibly dismiss such suffering by claiming some enjoy it? You seriously think these women enjoy being beaten up, choked, anally raped, vomited urinated and defaecated on, and in extreme cases murdered? Would you recommend the career to your daughter?

The men who think it's ok to buy consent are beneath contempt, that's it really.

My issues with it would be

• the true position circumstances of the prostitute

• the concept of true consent, when it's being paid for

• the seeing/turning sex & intimacy into a transaction.

• the apparently compulsive nature of it when started

• if they are not single, it's cheating,no ifs, buts and of maybes (I'd actually term it as worse cheating than non paid sex cheating, which seems to be the opposite of how many men choose to see it).

It's not something I'd see as honourable/respectable in a man. It's beyond the pale. My opinion could never be the same about a man if I found out he had.

I noticed in the Ipswich serial murder case, all those (beautiful) young women were drug addicts.

I would think less of any man who has ever used the services of a sex worker, yes. Also men who swing/dog etc.

Just eeeeeewwwwww.

One if my sister's exes freely told her he had in the past. He was an ex solder and it seems to be common in the armed forces.

He says he'd done so with a prostitute in Amsterdam and compared it to an oil change (I think he was saying it was impersonal, surprise surprise - rather than saying it was "necessary", though I could be wrong).

They were all loved up at first but when my sister, who's a pair skinned red head, went on his idea of a good holiday with him (sun, beach, pool, drinking) and couldn't hack the sun or heat, he treated her horribly. Called her a freak etc. The relationship ended a while after.

It's not surprising, they're not going to lovely gentlemen, are they.

AgeLikeWine you sound like an incel.

The poor menz.

Can't imagine why they can't find someone to have sex with.

Hmmm. Toughie that. Wonder why nobody wants a relationship with men who will pay a woman in return for letting him fuck her.

Men aren't 'entitled' to sex ffs.

*fair skinned