Prostitutes

[allgoodinthehood]

Can I please have an honest opinion on what you really think of people who use prostitution.
I was talking to a friend about it and we had completely different ideas on this subject.
ie a man using a prostitute when he was in a relationship and was away on holiday.

Why wouldn't men use prostitutes. I am female and I am leaving my own opinion out of it, but I am putting myself in a man's shoes, for my answer.

So, I am imagining that I am a man. Why wouldn't I use prostitutes? I want something badly (sex), and I want it regularly, and I can pay to get it easily., from many different people. A quick google search shows that there are thousands of prostitutes in every UK city , so is a huge choice.

The man wants something badly, and he can pay to get it. What is going to stop a man in this scenario? Nothing.

Imagine that you are a man, you want sex, and you can pay to get it, aren't you going to at least look into it? It's very easy for men.

I know a lot of men, married and single that have used prostitutes. Men are going to pay for sex, and always have done.

Why wouldn't men use prostitutes. I am female and I am leaving my own opinion out of it, but I am putting myself in a man's shoes, for my answer.

The key word is 'use'. Most people don't want to 'use' another human being as a sex toy. Decent men only want sex with someone who wants them back.

@redpenscribbles

Why wouldn't men use prostitutes. I am female and I am leaving my own opinion out of it, but I am putting myself in a man's shoes, for my answer.

The key word is 'use'. Most people don't want to 'use' another human being as a sex toy. Decent men only want sex with someone who wants them back.

@redpenscribbles Where are you getting "most people don't want to" from. Lets not be naive. Use of prostitutes is widespread. I think that nearly every man I know or have known, has gone to see a prostitute. The boys I went to school with, went to Australia, and all went to see a prostitute, in a brothel. Lads I went to college with, went to Amsterdam and all went to see prostitutes there. A man I used to date, all of his friends used prostitutes, he told me. I know of older married men who use prostitutes. I know of a man who got married, and went to see prostitutes the week after he got married.

My male friend teaches an adult education class.One of the male students comes in and tells them about the prostitutes that he sees. He sees a different prostitute every week. My friend was just talking to me about him last week, in a "I am fed up of him always talking about prostitutes"..

It is not really about whether it is good, bad or immoral. In my opinion, I don't like the idea of it, but I know that if men want something, and they can pay for it, easily, they are going to do it.

The point is that men using prostitutes, ie everywhere. Everywhere. Many men you know are going to prostitutes.

Hi OP.

I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with it when single but at the same time I would think ew. A bit of a double standard really I guess. 😂 I wouldn’t date a guy who used one. Married men who use them are disgusting. It’s the same as cheating.

I used to be a dancer and I know a lot of the girls have gone into escorting (or prostitution, but many hate that word and think it is for girls on street corners so I know they prefer the term escorting), particularly over lockdown as they’ve been unable to work in the clubs. I’ve had this conversation with some of the working girls myself and they’ve also said that whilst they wouldn’t judge someone for using one, they wouldn’t date a man who had used one either.

I think that nearly every man I know or have known, has gone to see a prostitute. ............... so everyman you have known has shared that level of personal information with you, really ?.

I don't know anybody, friends or colleagues, who would impart that sort of information my way, drunk or sober. And the only person I do know who paid for sex was a woman, with another woman. And she was married, to a man.

@Pyewackect

I think that nearly every man I know or have known, has gone to see a prostitute. ............... so everyman you have known has shared that level of personal information with you, really ?.

I don't know anybody, friends or colleagues, who would impart that sort of information my way, drunk or sober. And the only person I do know who paid for sex was a woman, with another woman. And she was married, to a man.

I didn't say that every man I know, has told me himself, did I. I heard about a lot of the men that I know, secondhand, in a very reliable way.

1)A large group of men that I went to school with, went to Australia together. One of the men was single and when they got back, started sharing with everyone that the entire group of them had gone to a brothel in Australia. One of the men who had gone, had a girlfriend, and she was angry, and broke up with him over this. Our small town talked about it. And one of the men, confirmed to my female friend, who also had been in our year in school, that they had all gone to a brothel, including the man in a relationship. This man who told my friend was single, why would he care if anyone knew about it or not? He thought it was a funny story.

2. The men I went to college with, and who went to a brothel in Amsterdam. They did tell me about it directly. They were all single, and again they thought of it as very normal, as something just lads do.

3. The man I mentioned who went to see prostitutes a week after he got married. I knew him, but he didn't tell me this information himself. He was my boyfriend's friend. My boyfriend told me about it. He said that they had all been for a weekend away, on a lads weekend away. And that some one jokingly suggested that they go to a brothel. My boyfriend said "no one took the idea seriously except Jim who was really keen to go, and he did go to the brothel.", Jim was the man who just got married, literally about two weeks ago.

My boyfriend was laughing about it in a way that he was remembering how the men were all laughing about it at the time, then he kind of realised he was with me, and he said "I shouldn't have told you that. Promise me that you won't tell Helen that," who was the woman that Jim had married a few weeks ago, and whose wedding I had been at.

My boyfriend was laughing about a recently married man, that had visited a brothel, which didn't say a lot about my boyfriend either. We broke up not long after that.

I know of and have heard about loads more men who have seen prostitutes, but I dont want to write a novel here about them all.

We all know that use of prostitutes is extremely widespread

First of all lets say that I think prostitution is awful, because I am a woman, and I have empathy for how women feel. But we can't just look at it from the female side, we need to look at it from the male side, to see why it is happening on such a wide scale.

I am realistic. Of course men are going to use prostitutes.

Lets look at it hypothetically.

Imagine you are a man, called Tom. You haven't had sex for a long time. It's no one's fault that you haven't had sex, and you are not entitled to sex, but you really, really want sex.

You really, really want to have sex, and you see that there a thousand women in your city who you can pay to have sex with. Would you be tempted?

This thread is really interesting and I'd like to thank NiceGerbil and IcedPurple for banging their heads on a brick wall their well reasoned posts against such disingenuous arguments as "all work is slavery then! Prostitution is the same as working in McDonalds." Fucking men and their reductio ad absurdum logic. Anything to defend using vulnerable women and young men as wank toys eh?

@LittlestBoho

This thread is really interesting and I'd like to thank NiceGerbil and IcedPurple for banging their heads on a brick wall their well reasoned posts against such disingenuous arguments as "all work is slavery then! Prostitution is the same as working in McDonalds." Fucking men and their reductio ad absurdum logic. Anything to defend using vulnerable women and young men as wank toys eh?

yes but isn't the argument of "it is bad for men to use prostitutes" kind of redundant? We all know it is bad for the women involved in prostitution.

Many, many men have been using prostitutes for thousands of years. Instead of constantly saying it is bad, wouldn't it be more productive to look at why men are doing it on such a huge scale?

I was just thinking about another post that I saw on a main chat forum recently. It is like mumsnet , but it is for men and women. It is a very mainstream forum.

A married man started posting on this forum, about how he and a large group of his married male friends go on "golfing holidays" to Portugal every year. What they are really going mainly to do, is go to a brothel., with golf on the side. He was in his forties, and he was bragging about how you could get really young girls there, 18-19, and it was great.

We all know that use of prostitutes is extremely widespread

You seem to have taken a lot of interest listening to all this gossip to remember it so well. But actually we don't all know. Well I don't.

I've worked in Australia, and in numerous other countries on a number of medical contracts, and nobody I knew or worked with used sex workers, ever. Nobody I went to school with would even know where or how to find a prostitute, let alone afford one. I've only been to Amsterdam once. It was a conference on treating blast wounds from terrorists bombs. Nobody felt like fucking anything after that.

The only prostitutes I've ever knowingly met were being treated for drug resistant sexual infections, heroin addiction, pyschiatric referrals or had been the subject of a nasty beating. How anybody could have found them in the slightest bit sexually appealing I don't know.

Perhaps we move in different social circles, and I have been working in a Covid Red Zone for 12 months, but I'm not aware that the use of prostitutes is extremely widespread, not with the people I know and work with. I could of course be being naive but prostitution isn't a subject that gets kicked around the table after work or with friends. And none of us would be interested anyway, we're not that sad or desperate to hear about it.

Ok back story to this thread . I couldnt put what really happened .
So partner at the time had a row with his delightful daughter .
She Whatsapped me and told me he slept with a prostitute 2 years previously while on holiday with his son , her brother.
I truly didn't believe it because I knew him and by their reaction to it.
I didn't engage with her . Or react I blocked her.
Anyway a fair few months later I asked her why she said it . Her response was she didnt know . I said I didnt feel it fair that she dragged me into the argument and she admitted it wasnt true.
This situation is only a small thing in the dysfunction of his family.
So hes an ex now .

@Pyewackect

We all know that use of prostitutes is extremely widespread

You seem to have taken a lot of interest listening to all this gossip to remember it so well. But actually we don't all know. Well I don't.

I've worked in Australia, and in numerous other countries on a number of medical contracts, and nobody I knew or worked with used sex workers, ever. Nobody I went to school with would even know where or how to find a prostitute, let alone afford one. I've only been to Amsterdam once. It was a conference on treating blast wounds from terrorists bombs. Nobody felt like fucking anything after that.

The only prostitutes I've ever knowingly met were being treated for drug resistant sexual infections, heroin addiction, pyschiatric referrals or had been the subject of a nasty beating. How anybody could have found them in the slightest bit sexually appealing I don't know.

Perhaps we move in different social circles, and I have been working in a Covid Red Zone for 12 months, but I'm not aware that the use of prostitutes is extremely widespread, not with the people I know and work with. I could of course be being naive but prostitution isn't a subject that gets kicked around the table after work or with friends. And none of us would be interested anyway, we're not that sad or desperate to hear about it.

Strange post. Do you think you're better than me in some way because you don't know any men that have been to prostitutes?

How can I be blamed for knowing the men I went to school with (wh were simply put in a class with me due to geographical location), or the men I went to college with, who were simply put in the same room as me, due to subject choice.

Are you saying that you are angry with ME, because men that I went to school with, and to college with, used prostitutes? Can you explain why you are angry with me exactly? For other men using prostitutes? Very weird post of yours.

I don't know any man who would admit to using a sex worker. I'm under no illusions that some of them will have done. I don't know though. I think they'd lie if I asked them too, as I'm rather gobby about sexual exploitation and am quite anti porn. So is my brother tbf, as he says it is harmful to male porn stars.

I know that if I found out anyone I knew had ever used a sex worker, I'd probably judge them. It happens, yeah, but that doesn't mean we have to just shrug and accept it.

I used to work with a woman who was dating a guy whose marriage had ended when he confessed to seeing a sex worker. But the wife had gained weight and was always wearing hoodies and they weren't having sex, so the colleague thought this was understandable . I think I judged her a bit too tbh. Don't know what happened there, as I left that job.

So is my brother tbf, as he says it is harmful to male porn stars.

As well as female! He doesn't solely care about the male ones

@Pyewackect

We all know that use of prostitutes is extremely widespread

You seem to have taken a lot of interest listening to all this gossip to remember it so well. But actually we don't all know. Well I don't.

I've worked in Australia, and in numerous other countries on a number of medical contracts, and nobody I knew or worked with used sex workers, ever. Nobody I went to school with would even know where or how to find a prostitute, let alone afford one. I've only been to Amsterdam once. It was a conference on treating blast wounds from terrorists bombs. Nobody felt like fucking anything after that.

The only prostitutes I've ever knowingly met were being treated for drug resistant sexual infections, heroin addiction, pyschiatric referrals or had been the subject of a nasty beating. How anybody could have found them in the slightest bit sexually appealing I don't know.

Perhaps we move in different social circles, and I have been working in a Covid Red Zone for 12 months, but I'm not aware that the use of prostitutes is extremely widespread, not with the people I know and work with. I could of course be being naive but prostitution isn't a subject that gets kicked around the table after work or with friends. And none of us would be interested anyway, we're not that sad or desperate to hear about it.

"we move in different social circles". Lol. Snob.

You remind me of a time when there was a thread on here which was about, "bad things that men say about women." I said that I had heard men say some disgusting things about women in a bar, and at my workplace.

A woman instantly came on to say that men at her workplace would never dream of saying bad things like that about women, because they were so well educated, and that she would avoid those kind of awful bars that I was referring to. She inferred that I was only hearing those things, because I was working with men of a low social class.

I am actually an accountant, and I have heard men in very high financial positions say terrible things about women. And the bar that I was in, was actually a very upmarket bar.

But I guess I move in different social circles to you, snob

@allgoodinthehood

But I suppose my question is would you judge the man and think less of him if he used a prostitue. There is no agreement in his relationship that its ok to do this . As in she has no clue that he has .

Yes. I would judge him. Yes I would think less of him.

@Pyewackect

We all know that use of prostitutes is extremely widespread

You seem to have taken a lot of interest listening to all this gossip to remember it so well. But actually we don't all know. Well I don't.

I've worked in Australia, and in numerous other countries on a number of medical contracts, and nobody I knew or worked with used sex workers, ever. Nobody I went to school with would even know where or how to find a prostitute, let alone afford one. I've only been to Amsterdam once. It was a conference on treating blast wounds from terrorists bombs. Nobody felt like fucking anything after that.

The only prostitutes I've ever knowingly met were being treated for drug resistant sexual infections, heroin addiction, pyschiatric referrals or had been the subject of a nasty beating. How anybody could have found them in the slightest bit sexually appealing I don't know.

Perhaps we move in different social circles, and I have been working in a Covid Red Zone for 12 months, but I'm not aware that the use of prostitutes is extremely widespread, not with the people I know and work with. I could of course be being naive but prostitution isn't a subject that gets kicked around the table after work or with friends. And none of us would be interested anyway, we're not that sad or desperate to hear about it.

"Nobody I went to school with would even know where or how to find a prostitute, let alone afford one."

You do sound terribly naive. No one could afford a prostitute? You can have full sex with a prostitute for twenty pounds in the UK,

Honestly some of the women on here, are so naive , it hurts.

I am an independent escort.

Personally, if I was in a relationship, if my partner had to cheat, I would rather he paid for sex than had an affair. Emotions are involved in affairs, they're not involved in prostitution.

I would think less of any man who is seeing parlour/brothel prostitutes, women in the Soho walk-ups and those with agencies, as to a degree, these women are controlled by others seeking to gain from them financially. I would most certainly be disgusted by any man who picks up street walkers too. But, if they are seeking services from an independent, no, so long as the sex is protected.

While it is true that some men who use prostitutes are social awkward, have issues and there are clear reasons why he is having to pay for sex, not all clients are like that.

It is worth remembering the quote "I don't pay them for sex, I pay them to leave."

The men I see are wealthy, attractive, 'normal', and not the kind of men you would expect to pay for sex, but with me, they are not just paying for just sex anyway. Unlike most escorts, I do not see men for just sex, we spend time together, have dinner and I often spend periods of time with them. For some, they want intimacy but they do not want a relationship, and it is easier (and safer, particularly for the wealthy ones) to pay for someone's time as we both know the boundaries, and they know I will not hassle them for a relationship, or anything else. In one man's case, he is divorced, had really aggressive surgery (and treatment) for cancer that has left him with a few erectile issues that has really hindered his confidence. He spends time with me because he does not feel under as much pressure to perform.

When I screen men, I look to see the kinds of women they have seen previously, and if it is anyone who is not an independent, part-time escort like myself, I won't see them. I charge high fees and this screens out a huge proportion of the men who are just looking for cheap sex. And it is worth remembering, when sex is available in a Soho walk-up for as little as £30 + £2 (for the maid) or a blow job from a street girl can cost as little as a fiver, that some men will think nothing of paying upwards of £450 p/h.

What has surprised me the most about prostitution is just how many men are seeking paid sex, and paying for sex. I reckon it is about 1 in 4, and possibly 1 in 3.

And to be clear, no-one has ever coerced me into doing anything sexually that I did not want to do, and nor have anyone tried to have unprotected sex with me or tried to pressure me into doing it. I have never been abused or taken/been a drug addict either.

Prostitution isn't black and white, and while many have had horrific experiences, I have only ever met men who have been wholly respectful of me and my body. I do know that I have been luckier than most, and to a degree, I know it is because I am independent and select all the men I consent to see with great care.

I'm sure it works well for some sex workers and the people who visit them. But yes, I do judge any man paying a woman for sex. It isn't because I think they are doing anything terrible to the sex worker in question. It is because they are treating another person's body as a commodity to be boight and sold; or entry to which can be bought and sold. I certainly don't judge sex workers, who range from independent people who are very happy in their work to vulnerable, underaged, groomed or trafficked young women.

I think what you do with your screening is great @CoraPearl. If a man told me he used sex workers, I would definitely have a lot of questions to make sure he had done similar screening and research, to ensure he was meeting a 'Cora' and not someone vulnerable, addicted or being coerced. Ok, granted, if they had done all the things you do, in reverse iyswim, I'd probably be comfortable with it.

Not to say anyone should give a shiny shit whether I approve of them or not! But I can still judge people (as everyone does), and they can care about that or not.

Excuse slightly strange wording in some of that! I'm on my phone

My prediction by the way, and maybe I'm too cynical, would be that most men who use sex workers don't research because they care about women. If they do a lot of research, my guess would be they do so because they want a 'quality product's.

Product*

Ffs phone 🙄

@MommySharkDooDooDooDoo

I'm sure it works well for some sex workers and the people who visit them. But yes, I do judge any man paying a woman for sex. It isn't because I think they are doing anything terrible to the sex worker in question. It is because they are treating another person's body as a commodity to be boight and sold; or entry to which can be bought and sold. I certainly don't judge sex workers, who range from independent people who are very happy in their work to vulnerable, underaged, groomed or trafficked young women.

I think what you do with your screening is great @CoraPearl. If a man told me he used sex workers, I would definitely have a lot of questions to make sure he had done similar screening and research, to ensure he was meeting a 'Cora' and not someone vulnerable, addicted or being coerced. Ok, granted, if they had done all the things you do, in reverse iyswim, I'd probably be comfortable with it.

Not to say anyone should give a shiny shit whether I approve of them or not! But I can still judge people (as everyone does), and they can care about that or not.

I appreciate your words, thank you.

I just wanted to add that my story is very different to most of my peers and I realise how fortunate I am, not least because I have taken an atypical approach.

I see relatively few men, and most of them have not engaged with an escort before. The opt for me because unlike most escorts, my website is surprisingly sex-free. These men are after intimacy and care about the calibre of woman they spend time with. And that is just it, I started doing this in my mid-thirties and had the self-confidence to not allow myself to be coerced or manipulated, and to approach escorting in the way that suited me. Screening men and rejecting anyone who is not suitable is the only way I could do this. I honestly do not know how those who are not control of themselves can do this. It breaks my heart when I read the experiences of some of the other escorts who share their stories on here as it is so alien to what I know.