Prostitutes

[allgoodinthehood]

Can I please have an honest opinion on what you really think of people who use prostitution.
I was talking to a friend about it and we had completely different ideas on this subject.
ie a man using a prostitute when he was in a relationship and was away on holiday.

@WakeMeUpNextYear

This is what makes me sad about people saying sex workers have no finite... dignity /ˈdɪɡnɪti/

noun
1.
the state or quality of being worthy of honour or respect.
2.
a composed or serious manner or style.

I don't think that taking your clothes off for money is necessarily worthy of respect or honour, no. If you think so, then you've been too immersed in a culture that is overly sexualised.

It doesn't mean I'm going to treat those women any different because in my eyes they have an inherent worthiness because they are human, that doesn't change.

"This is what makes me sad about people saying sex workers have no finite...
dignity
/ˈdɪɡnɪti/"

I would certainly treat any woman with respect.

However if you think society in general treats women who sell sex with dignity, you are blind.

I’m a former sex worker. I never thought of myself as dirty or worthless. I love myself and my body I did what I did and that’s that. My husband is well aware of what I did and he doesn’t give a shit either so why should anyone else 🖕Some of the men that used out service just wanted a lady to talk to so I ended up keeping all my clothes on. They wanted a friend or a person to listen to them. The only thing forcing me to do it was my own geed and screw you it is fu**ing empowering

Charlie: I think it's empowering if it empowers you. Nobody can question that. It's just down to individual experience.

The question was: would we think less of a guy who paid for sex behind his wife's back.

"I’m a former sex worker. I never thought of myself as dirty or worthless. I love myself and my body I did what I did and that’s that. My husband is well aware of what I did and he doesn’t give a shit either so why should anyone else 🖕Some of the men that used out service just wanted a lady to talk to so I ended up keeping all my clothes on. They wanted a friend or a person to listen to them. The only thing forcing me to do it was my own geed and screw you it is fu**ing empowering"

If it is so empowering, why do the women who do it have so little power in society? Of it is so empowering, why do you emphasize the fact that you sometimes just talked to the men? If it is so empowering, why is it that men don't do it as an easy way to earn money? If it is so empowering, why do most women not talk about doing it? If it is so empowering, why would most people be appalled if their daughter, sister or friend was doing it?

You might have personally been empowered by it. I'm not disputing that. On a social level, women are not empowered by it.

@mellowww

Charlie: I think it's empowering if it empowers you. Nobody can question that. It's just down to individual experience.

The question was: would we think less of a guy who paid for sex behind his wife's back.

Yeah that was the original question but it’s turned into a rant about how all sex workers are abused. When I met my DH I quit the job because it feels a lot like cheating to me personally.

@DancingCatGif

"I’m a former sex worker. I never thought of myself as dirty or worthless. I love myself and my body I did what I did and that’s that. My husband is well aware of what I did and he doesn’t give a shit either so why should anyone else 🖕Some of the men that used out service just wanted a lady to talk to so I ended up keeping all my clothes on. They wanted a friend or a person to listen to them. The only thing forcing me to do it was my own geed and screw you it is fu**ing empowering"

If it is so empowering, why do the women who do it have so little power in society? Of it is so empowering, why do you emphasize the fact that you sometimes just talked to the men? If it is so empowering, why is it that men don't do it as an easy way to earn money? If it is so empowering, why do most women not talk about doing it? If it is so empowering, why would most people be appalled if their daughter, sister or friend was doing it?

You might have personally been empowered by it. I'm not disputing that. On a social level, women are not empowered by it.

We don’t talk about it a lot because we feel we can’t. Look at what people are saying here. We are all screwed up in the head blah blah blah that’s why we can’t talk about it. You decided that we can’t be happy doing it. And who are you? Do you have experience as a sex worker? Unless you do your k ow ledge is limited to hear say and what you read in the daily mail 👍

"We don’t talk about it a lot because we feel we can’t. Look at what people are saying here. We are all screwed up in the head blah blah blah that’s why we can’t talk about it. You decided that we can’t be happy doing it. And who are you? Do you have experience as a sex worker? Unless you do your k ow ledge is limited to hear say and what you read in the daily mail 👍"

I do have experience actually.

And why do you feel you can't talk about it? If it was so empowering, you'd be proud to talk about it. What other act is deemed empowering and yet people are too ashamed to talk about?

@LadyH846, I second all what you articulated so well in your posts.
Prostitution is in no ways on par with cleaning or hospitality work! I worked in retail jobs as a student and quite often recall The mishaps and funny incidents when we’re reminiscing about the 90s. I’m yet to hear someone saying ‘well, when I worked as a call girl...’ at a dinner party.
There are many reasons why men use prostituted women, a lot of them do because they think they can get away with it. They do not analyse why these women are doing what they are doing. And yes, some will do it because they see it as an easy way to get cash but majority have been coerced, forced or are junkies.

So what do I think of these men? They are selfish, disgusting, manipulative, delusional and infantile. Like my (soon to be ex) husband.

@Charlielass - for every 1 of you, there's 10 who are abused. Just because you were psychologically robust or hard as nails enough to endure it, doesn't mean others are.

Johns, any John, no matter their personal circumstances, no matter how sad, each and every one of them is a rapist. You're so disabled or have such problems you cannot possibly find a willing woman to have sex with you? THAT STILL DOESN'T EXCUSE YOU TO RAPE.

I look hard down at them. They are the monster under on the bed. Even the "nice" rapists ones.

I would judge any man who bought sex. I have no respect for anyone who would have sex with someone when they know that person wouldn't do if if they weren't being paid.
It's the perfect example of certain men seeing sex as something they get from a woman and not something they do with a woman.
It says everything about their attitude to whether they see women as people or sex objects.

*However, in a secular society where 'slut shaming' has been eschewed, merely having lots of one night stands isn't something to be frowned upon. So I fail to see why it would be any worse when someone paid for it.

Anyway, my replies have gotten somewhat sidetracked, what with the strawmen arguments whether 'sex work is like all other work' - something I never said as it's a meaningless statement.*

So do you or do you not think 'sex work' is like any other job?

Whatever your own religious views, you live in the same 'secular society' as the rest of us. So if that secular society were to say that your daughter had to be a take up a vacancy at the local brothel or risk losing her benefits, would you be fine with that? If not, why not? It's just a job, isn't it?

Funnily enough, I have dealing with sex workers in my line of work also and I can honestly say, not all of them are damaged. Some people are so sexually free, that it doesn’t bother them at all.

Why is it, do you think, that so many of these 'sexually free' women who are totally unbothered by performing the chosen sex acts of random, often extremely unattractive, men, come from relatively poor countries like China or Romania? Are women from countries like Norway or Switzerland less 'sexually free'?

You are lucky you never had to feel like you were a nothing while working in hospitality. We had customers, chefs and one manager who used to treat us like their own personal ‘dolly girls’. If we worked on the bar for a night, security used to have to ask people to please “stop touching the bar staff”. Two that constantly asked for my number and leered at me, always tried to look down my top and said horrible, disgusting things were in respectable jobs.

That's awful, but assuming you were legally employed, at least there were options available for you to adress these issues. Of course, that doesn't mean you'll get justice, but at least you have some recourse. Whereas with prostiuttion, being subjected to much worse is the whole point of the job. You don't get to complain and you often can't even leave your job because it's essentially organised crime. Surely you can see how degrading that must be, no matter how 'sexually free' you claim these women are?

I also wonder where this establishment you worked in was situated. It has been shown several times that rates of sexual harassment go up in areas where prostitutes and/or strip clubs are known to operate. One of the problems is that protitution is degrading not just to those directly involved, but to all women, as it legitimises the idea that women exist to serve men's sexual needs and that every woman has a price. Are you happy with that?

@IcedPurple

Funnily enough, I have dealing with sex workers in my line of work also and I can honestly say, not all of them are damaged. Some people are so sexually free, that it doesn’t bother them at all.

Why is it, do you think, that so many of these 'sexually free' women who are totally unbothered by performing the chosen sex acts of random, often extremely unattractive, men, come from relatively poor countries like China or Romania? Are women from countries like Norway or Switzerland less 'sexually free'?

You are lucky you never had to feel like you were a nothing while working in hospitality. We had customers, chefs and one manager who used to treat us like their own personal ‘dolly girls’. If we worked on the bar for a night, security used to have to ask people to please “stop touching the bar staff”. Two that constantly asked for my number and leered at me, always tried to look down my top and said horrible, disgusting things were in respectable jobs.

That's awful, but assuming you were legally employed, at least there were options available for you to adress these issues. Of course, that doesn't mean you'll get justice, but at least you have some recourse. Whereas with prostiuttion, being subjected to much worse is the whole point of the job. You don't get to complain and you often can't even leave your job because it's essentially organised crime. Surely you can see how degrading that must be, no matter how 'sexually free' you claim these women are?

I also wonder where this establishment you worked in was situated. It has been shown several times that rates of sexual harassment go up in areas where prostitutes and/or strip clubs are known to operate. One of the problems is that protitution is degrading not just to those directly involved, but to all women, as it legitimises the idea that women exist to serve men's sexual needs and that every woman has a price. Are you happy with that?

You make some very good points.

I remember reading about the rape crisis centre in Sheffield which was near a strip club and the raped women going in there were getting harassed.

That poster you're quoting also complained of being leered at and people trying to look down her top etc. I don't thinks he realises that if she was a sex worker, after the leering and disrespectful behaviour occurred, she'd be sleeping with those pervs, and doing whatever sex act they fancied that night? (regardless of how degrading it was).

@Charlielass

I’m a former sex worker. I never thought of myself as dirty or worthless. I love myself and my body I did what I did and that’s that. My husband is well aware of what I did and he doesn’t give a shit either so why should anyone else 🖕Some of the men that used out service just wanted a lady to talk to so I ended up keeping all my clothes on. They wanted a friend or a person to listen to them. The only thing forcing me to do it was my own geed and screw you it is fu**ing empowering

What about the men who didn't want to 'just talk'? I hear about these men all the time when prostitution chat comes up. If there really is such a plethora of men needing to just talk why isn't there a service which plugs that gap which unrelated to sex and less likely to get you spotted by the police or in awkward situations where you have to lie about where you're going? If men are happy to pay those prices to just talk then I'm surprised that nobody has maximised this business opportunity yet

Does anyone seriously believe that any but a tiny minoity of 'punters' pay good money 'just to talk' with a woman? That's on the same level of naivete as believing that all prostitutes 'love their job'.

If you just want to talk, why not call one of those help lines? It's free.

The only thing forcing me to do it was my own geed and screw you it is fuing empowering

Well the only thing forcing the young women murdered by the Ipswich serial.killer appeared to be heroine addiction and I doubt before they were murdered they felt particularly empowered by it, nor do their grieving families.

*heroin.

I doubt the women in eastern European and canary island strip club/brothels (they're brothels, some men of myself and my friends acquaintance have been indiscrete enough to detail what their friends did in them in stag do's and lads holidays) .. generally run by gangs; feel particularly empowered either.

Does anyone seriously believe that any but a tiny minoity of 'punters' pay good money 'just to talk' with a woman? That's on the same level of naivete as believing that all prostitutes 'love their job'.

Only because they can't keep it up.

@ItsIslandTime

I'd never go near anyone who I knew used a prostitute. It's too seedy. I would be ok with someone who slept around if they were single and as long as they weren't a sleeze.

It's the only way a lot of men can get sex, not that it makes it right but that's why they do it.

It's the only way a lot of men can get sex, not that it makes it right but that's why they do it.

No, they do it because they believe sex is a product that you 'get' if you pay for it, not something that you do with another human being. Not all men who find it difficult to get a sex partner resort to using prostitutes. Only those men who feel entitled to use women's bodies for their sexual pleasure.

I think it's fucking disgusting and would judge anyone who did it.

I've been a year out of a 13 year relationship, which ended because I found out exDH had been paying for sex for the last three years. The thought other guys I might meet also thinking this is fine puts me off dating anyone else.

I wouldn't be with any man who paid for sex. It is absolutely revolting in all sorts of ways. From exploitation to knowingly having sex with someone because you're paying them. For them to get turned on by that is vile.

I feel so sorry for women who are forced into being sex workers and have no respect for people who sell their bodies for money. I think the whole practice is vile. Certain things should never be sold. I also would never be with a man who prostitutes himself either.

My ex h used prostitutes before I met him which I wasn't aware of and then straight after we split up. Which he told me about. He sees no issue with using them.

He probably used them when we were together.

He also thinks it's ok to hide earnings and pay no child support.

There is a theme here with men that use prostitutes. Selfish arseholes, narcissistic pricks who care only about themselves. No thought for the women in this scenario at all.