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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've been sent this...

346 replies

ShrekandDonkey · 19/08/2020 14:43

What would you think if you received this from an anonymous facebook profile? Obviously its between DH and this profile.
He says he was just trying to figure out who was messaging him so was being nice to them so they would confess. I think he's bullshitting.

I've been sent this...
OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 20/08/2020 11:13

Oh he is SO full of shit.
The admit only what she can prove is so typical it's a bloody cliché.

HollowTalk · 20/08/2020 11:24

I wouldn't trust this man for one minute.

Original poster
ShrekandDonkey · 20/08/2020 11:36

Well he suspected who it was and as they went to school together (DH and I didn't) he asked them who their teachers were. Which he said they only got partly right but that info is nowhere to be found online so only could have come from someone who went to the same school. I don't know if he asked them anything else or something more personal as he hasn't told me.

OP posts:
Oceanp94 · 20/08/2020 12:12

What've you said to him about this today ?
I'd want his log in pronto , and if he's got nothing to hide this won't be a problem x

Potterpotterpotter · 20/08/2020 12:13

Well he’s clearly mugging you off. He agreed to meet and he knew who it was.

Potterpotterpotter · 20/08/2020 12:14

‘But I need to be careful’

Says it all

Original poster
ShrekandDonkey · 20/08/2020 12:22

I know he would give me his log in if I asked. But I also know he is more than clever enough to cover his tracks and will have thought of every possible angle so I know i won't find anything.

OP posts:
Potterpotterpotter · 20/08/2020 12:30

If he knows who it is.. can’t you contact her direct?

CleverCatty · 20/08/2020 12:39

@Potterpotterpotter

If he knows who it is.. can’t you contact her direct?
what's to say she won't lie to the OP?

Sorry but from my reading of messages it looks increasingly suspicious - I'd still dig around but my spidey senses would be on full alert and I'm not sure if I'd trust him now, and when trust is gone...

It just sounds like though she's trying to shit stir then he's trying to minimise and knows more than he's letting on.

Oceanp94 · 20/08/2020 12:40

I'd take the log in details and message her ask her why she's sending screen shots

Baileysandcream · 20/08/2020 12:45

@ShrekandDonkey

I think I received this because in the message with the original screenshot it said I should be worried as DH would be open to meeting other women. He flatly denied this and angrily messaged them saying wheres your proof i agreed to meet you, and then I got sent this. Looks like they have blocked me again now.

He says this was all part of him just trying to find out who it was and he never meant anything he said. Of course.

The first thing DH said was at first he genuinely believed it was me (on a wind up) but when she could answer stuff I didn't know he knew it couldn't be.

I was so devastated when I received the first screenshot. I was on my way to work and broke down to a friend when I got there. Shaking with anxiety and my heart physically hurt. But now I'm just angry tbh.

If the original message said you should be worried as he would be open to meeting other women, it doesn't sound like a previous affair/OW, or she probably would have been more direct in telling you that he has been meeting other women.

She is clearly trying to bait him. Why not send you the whole string of messages first off? Why dripfeed with one screenshot a day? It all seems very strange. Surely if she had real proof that he was planning to meeting up, she'd have sent the bit of the conversation that would show this?

It doesn't seem that whoever is sending the messages to you is trying to notify you gently without causing too much hurt, these messages appear to be designed to shitstir and cause trouble.

Potterpotterpotter · 20/08/2020 12:48

She might lie. Seems stupid to use a fake account when she’s made herself identifiable to him.

All seems very odd.

Scorpiowoman80 · 20/08/2020 12:58

Yes he’s bullshitting you. The way they’re speaking proves he knows exactly who she is. Definitely an ex of some sort - why did he delete the messages, OP?

Original poster
ShrekandDonkey · 20/08/2020 13:01

I have contacted her direct and she denied it was her. Which of course she was going to.

OP posts:
GreenDays557 · 20/08/2020 13:03

I would contact her again and tell her in that case, someone has been pretending to be her in order to cause trouble in your relationship. It hasn't worked but it's only right to warn her that someone has been pretending to be her. And see what happens next. Be very polite to her.

SuperbMonkey · 20/08/2020 13:06

A year ago I was left by my husband of over 20 years. He was having an affair with his ex from school nearly 30 years ago. He lied about the affair and has never admitted it even when I told him what the emails between them said! He stonewalled. I dare say that their affair started with an exchange a bit like this. I really feel for you. It is horrible to read this kind of thing.

Oceanp94 · 20/08/2020 13:09

I'd still want to get on his Facebook and have a look around -and message her as him

GreenDays557 · 20/08/2020 13:10

I still don't think your husband was having an affair or was planning one. He obviously didn't trust the person he was talking to at all. This doesn't read of a man trying it on. It reads more like a police interview to be honest.

chickenyhead · 20/08/2020 13:17

In these situations, I would ask myself why?

Why would this woman send these to you?

Because she is your friend or because she wants to cause problems between you?

If this person genuinely had dirt i think you would have received it by now. Did you trust him before this?

In my opinion she wants him single. Maybe he turned her down and she is kicking off.

I would block her. I would tell him that it has shaken you and that you are unsure but willing to work on things.

YorkshireTeaIsTheBest · 20/08/2020 13:25

My ex's ex wife did this. She cat fished him -then set up a fake profile and sent me screenshot and then deleted said fake profile. Very strange. But he was def messaging her.
The "I need to be careful " doesn't make sense. She is the OW. Or someone is sending them on her behalf.

Somewhere messages me from school "Sorry -who are you? " no need to meet in person "I'm John from Year 11 etc" -"Really don't remember you" or "I'm married -2 kids -how are you?" response -his responses are not "normal"

Noshowlomo · 20/08/2020 13:50

I’m really confused by all this. And don’t know what to believe. Sorry OP! I mean it’s obviously dodgy but I don’t think he’s cheated

Msonamission · 20/08/2020 13:51

Wonder what she's trying to achieve by saying 'things could have been so different'? It's like she's trying to imply that they both would have had a wonderful life together or something? This is a very manipulative line from her since it automatically devalues your status as his partner by comparison.
All us sensible people her know that a direct comparison between the real partner and an affair partner is impossible since the first is based in reality and the second is based in fantasy. It worries me that not a lot of cheating men ever come to realise this basic fact until it's too late.

CleverCatty · 20/08/2020 14:45

You know what I'd do and I think I said this here or another thread - I'd meet her - just for a coffee - you can tell by someone's eyes if they're lying.

If she's not lying etc then why is someone else doing this? Unless it's a busy body trying to cause trouble?

CleverCatty · 20/08/2020 14:48

@ShrekandDonkey

Well he suspected who it was and as they went to school together (DH and I didn't) he asked them who their teachers were. Which he said they only got partly right but that info is nowhere to be found online so only could have come from someone who went to the same school. I don't know if he asked them anything else or something more personal as he hasn't told me.
another option - do you know anyone from their school days who is still in touch with them, worth you speaking to them?

Of course they may not say anything but you never know...

CandyLeBonBon · 20/08/2020 15:08

This is all very bizarre. I'm afraid I would trust him but I've been shat on by too many men not to be cynical tbh!

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