Failed sex this morning - who was right

[madderose]

Name changed for this cos embarrassing. We are staying at our in laws. Our DC aged 7 and 10 were staying in a room across the landing, and pil's room is over landing too. Stairs are right next to our room. Large Victorian farmhouse with very thick walls so not much chance of being overheard. Dc usually get up v early as in 6am and entertain themselves until we come down and sort breakfast.

Dh initiated sex at about 7am. I was happy to have sex but I feel like we have an unspoken understanding that in circumstances like these it is a quicky, for obvious reasons. But this morning for some reason dh seemed to be taking him time. I was Conscious that dcs could be close to wanting breakfast, and we really needed to get Up and just wanted him to finish so we could get on with the day. He picked up on the fact that I am frustrated with him and it ends unsatisfactorily for both of us. This NEVER usually happens.

WIBU? Surely the only acceptable sex to have in the morning when you are staying in someone else's house is a really quick quicky? That's what we usually do. I've no idea why he was taking so long, but he says it was Off putting that I was clearly impatient.

coolcatlady what???! i work with vulnerable families too, and have done for many years. it most certainly isn't neglect. children of that age are perfectly capable of looking after themselves and entertaining themselves, provided they have a clean place to play, toys at their disposal and nothing dangerous lying around. it's actually quite good for children to be bored/left to their own devices sometimes, and can help them to develop/maintain secure attachment. neglect is children being left to fend for themselves for hours at a time/without food/sent out to play on the streets without adequate supervision. not being left for an hour or so on a saturday morning, presumably to play or watch weekend tv. bloody hell.

Lol well did I ask!

Good job we are all as judgy as each other on here eh!

And

@CoolCatLady If the worse you can accuse me of is benign neglect then I'll take that. You do understand the meaning of the work benign?? After 6 months of trying to think of educational, varied, entertaining things for my kids which don't involve seeing friends/relatives i'm pretty delighted that I have finally achieved "benign neglect" because my worry during lockdown was over scheduling and micromanaging their time and to the extent that I was worried they didn't know how to entertain themselves.

Maybe as part of your CPD you could read the work of Peter Grey or Jonantjam Haidt.

Benign neglect isn’t as harmful as abuse *

You don't say? It's not harmful at all actually. The clue is in the word "benign"

It's what I aspire to

Wow, I actually cannot believe the bizarre and judgy tone of so many of these posts! I don't often comment on mn but in this instance I just can't hold back!

As you were OP; enjoy all your morning nookie and continue to live it up with quick moments of fun when away (when presumably you are in more of a holiday mode and relaxed and therefore might be more up for it, no?). It sounds like you have a happy marriage with a good sex life. It seemed quite clear to me that you approach such non-domestic shagging episodes with discretion and care. Good for you! Put the unsatisfactory outcome down to experience and give it no more thought.

Definitely not neglect ffs! I can't believe some are suggesting this.

MN red in tooth and claw on this thread.

So we have an OP who is worried because morning sex didn't come off and some on MN believe that:

A) her husband is some kind of rapist
B) she is a disgusting and immoral person who neglects her children.

Wow!

@ThePlantsitter

You didn't want his penis inside you any more. If he realised this, instead of whining about being frustrated and you not meeting his needs, he should have stopped!

That is pretty clearly insinuating that he was doing something non-consensual from the point where " he should have stopped". You used the exact terms used on here and elsewhere to describe rape within a relationship, you surely are not ignorant of that?

I read your post properly. If it isn't what you wanted it to mean, that is your problem.

Blimey, I had no idea I wasn't supposed to shag in any other bed than my own, who knew?

OP, I think your mind was on your children so you weren't quite into it as your DH, or as you normally are.

It sounds nothing more than miscommunication, ignore the pearl clutchers.

@Hopoindown31 the relevant part is 'instead of whining about being frustrated'. The op implies that she didn't want his penis inside her any more because she was waiting for sex to be over. I said later in my post that people are sometimes generous in a marriage and have sex when they don't really want to but that the other partner shouldn't moan about them not wanting to. I'm not going to apologise if YOU think that sounds like rape. That's not actually my problem. Obviously I wasn't there and don't know. Nor do I give a shit at this point quite honestly.

There's no right or wrong in the initial story.

You happened to start feeling anxious that he was taking too long when you thought you'd have to get up with the kids.
He noticed that and felt however he felt.
It's not like either of you could change how you felt at the time, and both responses were a natural and normal reaction to the situation...so there's no right or wrong.

Was there an argument afterwards or tension for the day or anything like that? because in that case maybe there would have been a right or wrong!

As for not having sex in other peoples houses. I wouldn't care if guests had sex in my house, sheets can be washed. It might be different if he decided to cum all over the sofa lol

@ThePlantsitter

I'm not the only one who thought that.

How what you write and say comes across is very much your problem whether you like it or not.

The fact that several posters have thought you were insinuating rape and you have had to offer two mealy-mouthed explanations of what you really meant should suggest to you that what you initially wrote could be easily interpreted that way. I suggest you be more thoughtful and considered with your words in future.