Failed sex this morning - who was right

[madderose]

Name changed for this cos embarrassing. We are staying at our in laws. Our DC aged 7 and 10 were staying in a room across the landing, and pil's room is over landing too. Stairs are right next to our room. Large Victorian farmhouse with very thick walls so not much chance of being overheard. Dc usually get up v early as in 6am and entertain themselves until we come down and sort breakfast.

Dh initiated sex at about 7am. I was happy to have sex but I feel like we have an unspoken understanding that in circumstances like these it is a quicky, for obvious reasons. But this morning for some reason dh seemed to be taking him time. I was Conscious that dcs could be close to wanting breakfast, and we really needed to get Up and just wanted him to finish so we could get on with the day. He picked up on the fact that I am frustrated with him and it ends unsatisfactorily for both of us. This NEVER usually happens.

WIBU? Surely the only acceptable sex to have in the morning when you are staying in someone else's house is a really quick quicky? That's what we usually do. I've no idea why he was taking so long, but he says it was Off putting that I was clearly impatient.

[madderose]

Oh and FWIW most couples actually get up with their kids in the morning and spend time with them, rather than letting them sit glued to the tv whilst mum and dad have sex.

Wow. Do they??

Like many people, I have spent pretty much every waking moment with my kids for the last 6 months, wfh whilst also homeschooling ....

I don't think they are Going to suffer because their parents stay in bed for an hour longer than them on a Saturday.

[ButteryPuffin]

In which case, not sure why you were worried it wouldn't be quick.

I don't like it that he moaned at you for obviously being impatient though. Would he rather you kept quiet if you didn't feel good about it? I am guessing the answer is 'of course not' so just point out to him how that could have sounded.

[LuluBellaBlue]

@Anothernick

Surely the only rules about sex are

1) dont be seen doing it and
2) dont be heard doing it

As long as you stick to that you can do it anywhere and everywhere, when our dc were very small we once did it - quickly and quietly - in the ensuite hotel bathroom while they were sleeping in the room outside.

This is the most sensible response on here!

Laughing at ‘involving all and sundry’ then thinking of the above comment, if no one hears or sees how the hell is it involving all and sundry??

We live in such a sexually repressed world!

[jessstan2]

I'd object to being awake at 7am so sex would not be on the cards at all, quicky or otherwise. It's bad enough having to get up early for work or school. 9am is quite early enough on days off.

However, you did and it wasn't so great but so what? You can't expect the earth to move every time, especially if you are listening for children and hope they aren't listening to you. Your husband shouldn't have complained, he wouldn't like it if you did!

[Pobblebonk]

Oh and FWIW most couples actually get up with their kids in the morning and spend time with them, rather than letting them sit glued to the tv whilst mum and dad have sex.

What utter nonsense. How does it harm the kids to amuse themselves for half an hour or so whilst their parents have a bit of time to themselves, whether it's to have sex, read, sleep or whatever?

[DBML]

This thread is fun!

Op, it takes all sorts. Those who are shocked by the thought of having sex in other people’s houses can refrain. And those of us who aren’t bothered can carry about our business. Crikey, DH and I must be positively deviant because we have sex just about anywhere if we can grab a few minutes alone.

Also, kids are much better off when they see that their parents are affectionate and loving. I’m not endorsing sex in front of them of course, before anyone over exaggerates, but if they hear a few sounds so what? In a loving relationship sex is normal, healthy and nothing to feel ashamed about. I’d be more concerned about kids whose parents lack physical affection.

The rape insinuation is ridiculous, some posters are just out of their damn minds.

As for whether it should have been a quickie... I guess you were just on different pages at the time and it’s no big deal. I can understand the disappointment though, DH and I have been together 25 years and sex is bloody fantastic. To have an off day would be disappointing, but just use it as an excuse to try again later.

[managedmis]

What's with all the Random capital letters?

[Daph73]

You should know not to faff about while your man is trying to do the deed. Your demeanour would have put him off. Or you might have interrupted his fantasies in his head during that moment.

[1forAll74]

I would not be having sex in someones house, with various others in the house, who maybe up and about during your sexual activities.. I suppose it would be ok in a 15 bedroomed mansion, and you were far away from everyone at the end of the mansion.!

[iamtheoneandonlyyy]

Long term couple fancies a shag
'Pornification of society'

[ThePlantsitter]

Oh I've just realised it was me who is being accused of accusing your husband of rape. No I didn't. Very clearly I didn't as I said sometimes one half of a marriage is generous and carries on when the other doesn't fancy it. What I did mean is he should not be getting a cob on because you're not enjoying it. I was actually on your side.

I'm not any more though 'cos you couldn't be arsed to read my post properly. Yes, if you're husband wanted long languorous sex and you didn't you should have willingly continued as is your job as a wife.

[CoolCatLady]

Honeybobbin

I work with vulnerable families. And one of the things we work towards teaching them is not to leave kids alone whilst you stay in bed.

Benign neglect isn’t as harmful as abuse but it certainly isn’t good parenting. And i see the results of parents who behave like this so I reserve the right to judge as much as I like!

And for those that think it’s sexually repressed not to want to be overheard or don’t think that society is pornified then you are incredibly naive! Look at recent pop culture- music videos, fashion, social media and you will find young women being brainwashed into thinking that looking and acting like a porn star is ‘empowering’, this couldn’t be further than the truth. Owning your sexuality is about knowing your body, knowing what you like and what makes you feel good. And the best sexual partners are ones who you feel like the most beautiful woman alive no matter what you are wearing, or if you have make up on or how your hair is styled.

As i said previously sex can be incredible, but it isn’t something you want your kids (or anyone else) overhearing. Would you just as happily masturbate whilst everyone else potters around the house? Or if your DH was masturbating whilst the kids were downstairs alone ?

[Osirus]

@Shedpaint

In 20 years it’s the only time sex hasn’t been fabulous?

Bloody hell

I’ve been with my DH 14 years and never been, er, disappointed, either 😁.

[CoolCatLady]

I don't think they are Going to suffer because their parents stay in bed for an hour longer than them on a Saturday

Well in that case what was the problem then? Why did you have to have a quickie ?

[Shinyletsbebadguys]

@CoolCatLady

My kids are 7 and 10. My DH works away in the week so time alone is especially rare and precious, but we manage to contain our sex to times when we wont be overheard or interrupted by the kids (or anyone else!) usually when the kids are asleep. We recognise that as nice as sex feels it’s not something you should subject your kids to overhearing.

Oh and FWIW most couples actually get up with their kids in the morning and spend time with them, rather than letting them sit glued to the tv whilst mum and dad have sex.

Oh dear ? Is there honestly so little in your self esteem that you felt this was an appropriate post?

You realise that being overtly condescending and inaccurate broadcasts to the world on a fog horn that you feel lacking in many respects right ?

[TheBlueStocking]

This is the least big deal I've ever heard of

[CoolCatLady]

Well as I’ve shared my opinion on the OP then I’m fair game too- so tell me what is inaccurate in my post and what am I lacking in ?

[CanICelebrate]

At 7 and 10 I don’t think it is neglectful to stay in bed while they are up. When they are little of course it’s not safe for them to be up alone, but 7 and 10 is fine!
My dc range from 8 - 15 and if I only had sex when they were all asleep I’d never have sex. I manage to have sex regularly and I don’t think my dc have ever heard us and have certainly never seen us!

[GinGinHooray]

It's not weird having sex in other people's houses (in the privacy of your own room) and it certainly isn't disgusting.

I feel sad for people on here who are that uptight about sex, and wonder if they ever let their hair down.

You were distracted and unable to relax so it as a bit shit - don't overthink it. Maybe you can make up for it tonight?

[Angrymum22]

Wait until your children are teenagers, by the time they are asleep you’ve been asleep for hours so no chance of a decent session. Lockdown has seen a fair few failed sex attempts for DH and I. We have a giggle every time, it’s a bit like being a teenager again nearly being caught in the act. Morning sex is probably the safest time since DC are often comatose until midday.
Op you will have to get used to sex-interuptus over the next few years. Teenagers know exactly what your up to, probably more off putting than parents. All I can say is thank god for PS4!

[GinWithRosie]

www.facebook.com/bbcthree/videos/265565267650359/?vh=e&extid=BgFtXkcmgKT8hkw1

Enjoy 😉

[DBML]

And for those that think it’s sexually repressed not to want to be overheard or don’t think that society is pornified then you are incredibly naive! Look at recent pop culture- music videos, fashion, social media and you will find young women being brainwashed into thinking that looking and acting like a porn star is ‘empowering’, this couldn’t be further than the truth. Owning your sexuality is about knowing your body, knowing what you like and what makes you feel good. And the best sexual partners are ones who you feel like the most beautiful woman alive no matter what you are wearing, or if you have make up on or how your hair is styled.

Uh, I really don’t think this has happened because of the odd kid overhearing their parents at it once or twice.

Over sexualisation of society is down to platforms like Insta, with all the gym and yoga posts focusing on big bottoms and tight leggings; over inflated lips and snorkelling in bikinis so small, they shouldn’t have bothered wearing them. Every instagrammer trying to outdo all others by being more extreme, more risqué. It’s a backwards step in society for sure, but not one I particularly care about.
It’s instagram that influenced my 14 year old cousin to turn up at a family party in a black Brazilian bikini with a sheer, well completely see through, white dress over the top, not hearing her mum and dads muffled groans once on a Saturday morning when she was 6.
(Cousin had arrived straight from her friends house and her mother immediately took her home to get changed).