Failed sex this morning - who was right

[madderose]

Name changed for this cos embarrassing. We are staying at our in laws. Our DC aged 7 and 10 were staying in a room across the landing, and pil's room is over landing too. Stairs are right next to our room. Large Victorian farmhouse with very thick walls so not much chance of being overheard. Dc usually get up v early as in 6am and entertain themselves until we come down and sort breakfast.

Dh initiated sex at about 7am. I was happy to have sex but I feel like we have an unspoken understanding that in circumstances like these it is a quicky, for obvious reasons. But this morning for some reason dh seemed to be taking him time. I was Conscious that dcs could be close to wanting breakfast, and we really needed to get Up and just wanted him to finish so we could get on with the day. He picked up on the fact that I am frustrated with him and it ends unsatisfactorily for both of us. This NEVER usually happens.

WIBU? Surely the only acceptable sex to have in the morning when you are staying in someone else's house is a really quick quicky? That's what we usually do. I've no idea why he was taking so long, but he says it was Off putting that I was clearly impatient.

What a bunch of pearl clutching prudes you
all are

Oh yes because involving all and sundry in your sexual activity is healthy and wholesome of course !

But... in Gavin & Stacey, that was there own home 🤷🏼‍♀️

And even then it was cringe.

I find hearing other people's sex noises really uncomfortable and personally wouldn't wish to make other people feel - especially my parents or DC. You may well think you're being discrete in a 6 bedroom Victorian farmhouse, but a squeaky floorboard or wobbly light fitting will easily give you away.

Surely the only rules about sex are

1. dont be seen doing it and
2. dont be heard doing it

As long as you stick to that you can do it anywhere and everywhere, when our dc were very small we once did it - quickly and quietly - in the ensuite hotel bathroom while they were sleeping in the room outside.

I have to say, I also think that people know their own kids/families routines.
Those saying they'd worry the kids would wreak havoc- if your 10 and 7 year olds are wreaking havoc then you've gone wrong somewhere.
Likewise I know mine wouldn't come in. They just wouldn't, I know them well enough to know their morning routine. That early in the morning they're glued sleepily to the TV. Presumably the OP knows her kids and in laws well enough to make the correct call.

This is true for me- they wouldn't come in, and we were discrete and in a private bedroom with the door firmly closed!! I was more just thinking they'd be wanting their breakfast!

Is this wish to be seen as “constantly up for it, anytime, anywhere” a result of the current pornification of society ?

In 20 years it’s the only time sex hasn’t been fabulous?

Well we met when we were teenagers and probably had a feW unsatisfying fumbles in the early days. But we have improved significantly since then and generally a have excellent sex life, which is why I found today so weird.

Gosh am obviously an outlier here because I’d have no qualms at all about having sex with my partner in another persons house . What a bunch of pearl clutching prudes you all are . That said would stick a towel under me or him as totally agree about ‘ mess ‘ etc .
I agree with this.
I also think you have nothing to worry about if you have bad sex so rarely it bothers you enough to start a thread on MN about it.

Oh yes because involving all and sundry in your sexual activity is healthy and wholesome of course !*

How was this involving all and sundry? I know the house, and I know we couldn't be heard. The house doesn't move.

Is this wish to be seen as “constantly up for it, anytime, anywhere” a result of the current pornification of society

But it wasn't anytime anywhere? We were in bed, on a Saturday morning. It's not like we were doing it in the street. Ffs.

I don’t get why it’s weird. I think you’re massively over-thinking it. You tried and it didn’t work out for various reasons (no blame implied to anyone) That’s it. Forget it.

No-one’s judging you. It’s not a competition. Yes, it might have been a bit disappointing (no orgasms) but that’s how it goes. If you’re worried your DH is upset, just explain.

No right or wrong people - just one of those things, and a very trivial thing at that. Move on and make up for it next time.

i’m shocked by sex staying in someone else's house at all, never mind whilst people are awake and up and about, but I'm admittedly a bit of a prude.

Oh live a little

@WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat

When you say... Dh initiated sex at about 7am ... does he ring one of those bell things that they have on hotel reception desks or fire a starting pistol?

😂 ''Initiated sex''.... That sounds so formal. @madderose You perhaps should have said: ''Not likely, what if your Mum walks in, or worse, the kids''

How off putting that thought would be for me at least.

We never had sex at MILS...She made us sleep with the door open..Truly.

Not completely au fait with large Victorian houses with thick walls but based on 'Upstairs Downstairs' I image that the kitchen is quite large.

Could you not have joined DCs and leant over the breakfast bar (I'm sure there would be one) and ensured that they were happy with their jigsaws or whatever whilst hubby intiated proceedings behind you?

Any noises that may be emitted could be passed off as ethusthiam for the success of Tarquin or whoever of find the corner piece for that makes the duck pond?

But OP you think you can't be heard.

Is there any proof either way?

Have you asked?

YOU might think you can't be heard, but if your in laws are across the landing, I'd not be so certain.

...wobbly light fitting will easily give you away

Bloody hell! You'd have to really be going for it if the lightbulbs fell out and smashed to the floor.

Well PIL have lived here for a long time. I have stayed here many times over the last two decades, when my dh's two brothers were growing up here, having their girlfriends and subsequently wives over to stay, and have never ever heard anything.

@oakleaffy I think the worst thing is not your Mum walking in, but the Cat sat there

• just watching. I hate that.

and have never ever heard anything.

Maybe your hearing is the problem

@WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat

Not completely au fait with large Victorian houses with thick walls but based on 'Upstairs Downstairs' I image that the kitchen is quite large.

Could you not have joined DCs and leant over the breakfast bar (I'm sure there would be one) and ensured that they were happy with their jigsaws or whatever whilst hubby intiated proceedings behind you?

Any noises that may be emitted could be passed off as ethusthiam for the success of Tarquin or whoever of find the corner piece for that makes the duck pond?

😂

Our parents were shameless in their sex lives...
I hated it, and found it upsetting.

Spoke to one of my siblings about it, and they hated it too.

No one surely likes to hear parents having sex.

Alcohol seemed to be the thing that triggered it.

It isn't nice for kids to have to hear. 🤫

Your posts actually come over as contradictory.

On the one hand you are up for it , but only if it's quick and quiet.

So you acknowledge that noise could be an issue .

But when posters challenge you on this, you get all defensive and say noise is not the issue as the walls are thick.

The walls might be the doors aren't.

Anyway- which is it?

You seem to be anxious over sex there other than a quickie, your DH seems to want to go at it all guns blazing.

I think you need to talk to each other, not us.

I'm shocked by all these people who are shocked by people having sex in other people's houses. Having sex is what couples tend to do...... never thought not doing it was a thing just because you were staying at DPs, ILs or friends. What about hotels? Is that ok?

So when is an acceptable time for a couple to have sex? How do you conceive subsequent dc if you can't have sex with dc in house??

But your post isn't about having children in the house; it's about doing it in your PILs house when you want a quickie because of a) possible noise and b) possible interruptions .

You're trying to muddy the waters here and divert the issue from your first post to something else.

On the one hand you are up for it , but only if it's quick and quiet.

I don't think I mentioned anything in my op about it being quiet? It's a given that we were quiet. I just said quick.

I assumed it would be quick and obviously dh had other ideas.

But like PP have said I just need to accept we had an off day!!

[quote WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat]@oakleaffy I think the worst thing is not your Mum walking in, but the Cat sat there

• just watching. I hate that. [/quote]

Animals would be a real no no!

A disapproving dog with a face like 😐

Our dog used to find 'shagging couples' ..For some reason they used to use a field behind the houses.

She'd tear over there, {a fast type} bouncing around, ..One bloke wasn't put off at all, but another tried to shoo her away while I called out ''So sorry!'' from a hundred metres or so .