Online dating in your 40s

[StarlightSparkle]

I have recently entered the world of online dating and am finding it so, so grim! I’ve tried a couple of different sites and on one I’ve had quite a few matches but they rarely message me. Granted, I could message them, but surely if a man was interested they would send you a message?

When I do get a response the conversation seems to dry up pretty quickly - I ask them about themselves and get one word answers and no follow up questions. How the hell are you supposed to continue with a conversation if that is all you have to work with?! If I can’t even get someone to chat, I have no chance of going on an actual date!

I guess most men are looking at profiles of women in their 20s and 30s and maybe think I’m too old but I look quite young for my age!

Has anyone got any tips/ advice? Am I doing something wrong? I’m divorced and have my kids most of the time so it would be hard for me to meet a man any other way but this just seems impossible!

AngelofDeath - agreed re worrying about Covid 19 not down to age.

Messaged Mr Hottie yesterday to ask how he was and it was 'in hospital waiting for results of test' which turned out to be negative when he texted me later!

Mr School Run obviously wants to speak to you when he's hanging back! Try the usual suspects - how are things going? Maybe ask him what he's doing with the kids on half term.

Funnily enough a few years ago I had internet dating then chats via WhatsApp with a widower who was really nice but lived in Surrey - I'm South East London suburbs - he also had a DC under 5 I think and was a bit wary or time stretched to meet up. Pity because we really got on.

Will try to reply to others later. Think got slight cold and feel a bit bleurgh...

@Angelofdeath They are taking forever to reply.. I think the novelty has worn off for them and me . Looking at Mr Confidence photos again and he clearly likes himself Which is no bad thing I guess... I've not called him Mr Confidence for nothing lol

At least with Mr Flaky I know where I stand...or should that be don't stand lol

Anyway I'm fine today... reality check...it ain't real until... At the end of the day I'm chatting to strange men who can tell me any shit online or in real life if we ever meet...only time will tell a persons true character.

Sad about Mr School run's wife. I also think you should talk to him if anything you may make a lovely male friend.

I've been treating myself and not trying not to focus on meeting someone to pass the time. Trying to keep busy and distract myself.

And as for Mr Well hung ... well yes if you ever need any decorating ...at least we can laugh!

@Angelofdeath what a difference a day can make...I thought I was well in there too. I unmatched them both although one has my number hopefully he won’t message. I was tired of waiting for a reply and felt relieved Once unmatched ...no more mind games.

Flaky... that reminds me I had suggested video call today or Friday previously which he agreed to..not heard from him...at least he’s consistent

I also had a cocktail date planned for tomorrow with another guy which I presumed was cancelled once restrictions were announced and didn’t hear anything further from him...

Mr School run note lol. Just be yourself and I’m sure it will be fine ( I say that knowing my heart would be beating fast in your situation lol) ...he’s probably shy himself .

77 ...WTF was he offering money? I’d report him for just trying it lol

Mr Straight up sex offer...I don’t mind because yes he’s honest.

Maybe I should get a male human size robot...I hear sales of the female version have taken off since Corona restrictions!

@Angelofdeath I received a late night message from Mr Cocktail asking if we're still on for tonight? Intially I thought no but now I'm in two minds... what do your think?
I'd prefer a daytime coffee date to be honest but it I don't go tonight don't know when my next night out will be..
I really didn't think he'd contact me

Can I join in? I recently had an ill fated date with an old friend of mine from years ago that I matched with on an app. It didn't work out so now I'm doing swiping right on all kinds of people to take my mind off it.

I barely get any matches though. I think I'm fairly okay looking for my early 40s . I feel like all the guys my age are looking for some kind of younger/hotter version of their ex wives or something. Maybe my standards are too high?

I've just started talking to one guy on Bumble. Very early messages. I'm not sure I actually think he's good looking or if I'm just bored?!

Can I just ask for some advice on Mr Hottie? Trying to speak to him by text seems like pulling teeth and me texting him? time to sadly wave goodbye I think??!!

@Angelofdeath I accepted before I checked your message as I though he may be a potential sex partner( I know it sounds bad but this is my reality) . I'm always 3rd or 4th option anyway

The 77 year old must be loving his communication with you! I wonder what he was like when he was younger ..if he was attractive with a good personality... A little Icky is the word because I wonder what he thinks about you to put a smile on his face lol

I know you're right in what you're saying but tbh it's hard living by yourself and having limited contact with people...when I had Mr One Night I felt alive again.... sounds like a cliché but it had been so long being intimate with someone I'm attracted to and I had some nice hugs from him too.

@OutingMyself I get bored too and normally don't find guys I like my age want me or vice Versa...I think I'm some sexy thing in my mind but the reality is I'm ordinary looking so I've broadened my settings to looking for 10 years younger and I've got matches even if they don't respond..they are maybe curious..older women.
My date today is my age and not the type I normally go for but seems ok through the limited messages we've sent. Still not offered up his number though...

@CleverCatty it shouldn't be so hard ... I'd probably walk away unless I saw some potential and there was a real attraction. Maybe keep him on the sideline?

@Angelofdeath sorry to hear of your day. I hope it gets better with your little one. It's hard dealing with things by yourself ...try and treat yourself if you can even if it's something small. At least we can laugh and cry through our struggles

That would be nice if you came for cocktails and sounds like you need a drink..he'd probably get excited. Not heard from him since messaging earlier today asking if reservation was made...I can't be bothered and hes probably having second thoughts too... will he unmatch me? should I unmatch him? or will we ended up meeting? This OLD is hard work!

77 year old still has it with his photos then... I'm sure he has lots of experience to teach the young ones lol

PS my decisions are usually wrong too....

@Angelofdeath I unmatched. I wasn't prepared to wait around for a simple response after 4 hours it's just rude..if he was interested he'd make an effort especially as he hadn't before with communication. One Mr Flaky is enough!
I'm not bothered if I was I wouldn't have umatched... it's funny as I was planning what to wear and what time to do my nails...

Glad You're ok... some days are harder than others and sometimes we need a cry to let lifes frustrations out.

Oh that's a shame about Mr School run and making the effort but I say don't give up... it's early days and the universe sometimes wants us to put in work for good things...not too much work though

I've messaged a few matches as I seem to be addicted...all young guys. One replied last night but nothing further after my response...I guess because I'm not exciting to message unless he wanted sexy talk and I think I'm over that unless it's real life sexy action

How are you all getting dates? All my conversations never seem to go anywhere and half the matches I message never respond-why do they bloody match with you in the first place? Sorry just having a rant.

I'm not getting dates either. That guy didn't get back to me after two messages. That seems to be as much as I get, maybe I'm a very boring messager!

@Ilovegreentomatoes
I can’t get dates either! And I’m exactly the same either just after one thing, or conversation just fizzles out!!
Xx

Well Mr Musical didn’t message me again so I’ve unmatched him. Bit gutted about that one as the date seemed to go really well and he seemed keen to meet again. How rude, to suggest some potential dates for a 2nd meet and then go silent! Wish he’d just been honest and said there wasn’t any chemistry for him rather than leaving me hanging for days. I really hate all the rudeness and bad manners on OLD.

Mr Events has said about meeting up this weekend but he seems rather flaky so I’m not holding my breath. Chatting to a couple of others - - one seems a bit sleazy and the other one is ok so far.

I think the dates thing goes in peaks and troughs. Sometimes I go weeks/ months without a sniff of a date and other times I have a couple arranged at once. It’s depressing to keep going when it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere but I try to keep swiping/ messaging and I’m on a couple of apps to keep my options open.

I need to know the secret of getting to a 2nd date as I haven’t managed that yet!

@Ilovegreentomatoes I've had a fake date where the guy who met me wasn't the guy in his profile pictures and I've had a one night date where we video called and then met for intimacy. Not real dates if I think about it.
It takes time but many people apparently find love online...just not me

@Angelofdeath I think you're right that he may have been full of himself...the thing is there is so much choice online so who can blame him.
Not having much luck with my matches..I unmatched a few who didn't reply and also was not that bothered about them.
I have two more which I will email today.

I messaged Flaky and he asked if I'd like to speak. I'll reply again that it would be nice. It's sad when Flaky's flakiness gives me a little hope.

Lol about your 8 messages....what a let down! I know what you mean about getting no messages but hopefully someone good Will come through for us all.
Why is it so hard?

I tried to take a picture hot profile and deleted it...oh well will try again!

@StarlightSparkle I hate when they suggest a second date and don't contact you..
I just think as mentioned they have so much choice....

I can't take the OLD rudeness and have started unmatching when I start getting upset/confidence affected by lack of response etc. Only exception is Mr Flaky who I unblocked....

I downloaded tinder last night and have since had six matches. Not one has messaged me! Whenever I message someone I hear nothing back from them. It all seems a bit pointless really.

@OutingMyself it's funny as on Tinder I don't expect matches to message anymore... it's a surprise if they do!
Don't give up.. try different sites too

Yeah I'm on a few others, I just downloaded tinder because I'd run out of people to look at on the rest 😄