Online dating in your 40s

[StarlightSparkle]

I have recently entered the world of online dating and am finding it so, so grim! I’ve tried a couple of different sites and on one I’ve had quite a few matches but they rarely message me. Granted, I could message them, but surely if a man was interested they would send you a message?

When I do get a response the conversation seems to dry up pretty quickly - I ask them about themselves and get one word answers and no follow up questions. How the hell are you supposed to continue with a conversation if that is all you have to work with?! If I can’t even get someone to chat, I have no chance of going on an actual date!

I guess most men are looking at profiles of women in their 20s and 30s and maybe think I’m too old but I look quite young for my age!

Has anyone got any tips/ advice? Am I doing something wrong? I’m divorced and have my kids most of the time so it would be hard for me to meet a man any other way but this just seems impossible!

Oh no @LuckyLinda3 that is really crappy of your ex. Thinking of you.

@Angelofdeath I agree that's the kind of nice first message I would like to get - and kind of have done in the last couple of days - references to my profile despite the fact that it's Tinder so pretty short.

So I am having really nice chats with 2 guys, good thing really as my "Mr Hanglider" who was great in bed, seems to have dropped off the face of the earth

I'm going to text him later to just tidy up the loose ends and say thanks for everything but let's move on now. No text for 2 days after very lack-lustre ones for a couple of days before that.

Was off work yesterday so wasn't on internet etc much with bad back.

Sooooo, I messaged Tinder Hottie with request to swap numbers and he said yes. The only thing now is he would like to meet up but he's 3 weeks into recovering from appendix surgery and is also a bit nervous about meeting up due to Covid 19. But we are texting via whatsapp.

My date which was planned for tonight have had to reschedule due to back hurting.

I had a few messages Tuesday and yesterday when I briefly looked at phone from OKC - one man mentioned something about my being a parent or wanting kids and then said it would be great, I then said due to age probably be a step parent and then he got into a back and forward thing re what step kids say and then almost seemed in a combative mood with me re what kids do and don't say. Another one, seemed ok but then very much one liners and no talk - Welsh man.

The one I was planning to meet though - have chatted via Tinder and did chat to when I was on phone last night - wanted more chat - very nice and good back and forth answers which is what you want.

That sounds promising Clever hopefully you can meet them both and at least one will be nice!

Sorry to hear that Mr Hanglider’s disappeared Jamais but at least you had fun with him and have more potentials lined up!

I had my other date and this one was great! The time flew past and it was disappointing when we were kicked out of the pub at 10pm. It’s been so long since I’ve fancied someone that I couldn’t sleep that night - my mind was racing! We’ve chatted since and he wants to meet up again but the new restrictions make it hard as we live quite far apart and can only do evenings for the next few weeks.

@Angelofdeath that’s such a nice decent message...I’m sure some women get them...just not us yet lol
I’m just happy to get a match...just not lucky in love but will try and be positive in these covid times.
I hate the pretend to be nice men too and then they quickly change to sexual demons...I wouldn’t mind if I fancied them
Some men are definitely creepy...

@jamaisjedors how are your chats going? Any update on Mr Hanglider? Where has he gone...if they are good in bed and attractive I miss them..

@CleverCatty

I’m wondering if I will speak to anyone human this weekend....I’m glad it’s shorter evenings and colder as I don’t feel so bad staying in with nowhere to go...

@clevercatty hope you’re feeling much better. Seems like your busy in combat on message front. I find one liners hard work but sounds like you have choices.

Oh @StarlightSparkle that sounds great! The new restrictions are a crap but for us single ladies...maybe Boris should make us exempt

Nothing to report my end except the sound of gorgeous men trying to beat my door down.....I’ll get back on the app!

Oops ignore my I’m wondering if I’m going to speak to anyone this weekend....I meant to erase that!

I forgot Mr Flaky messaged this morning suggesting meet but I didn’t fancy this weekend so suggested alternative....still waiting for reply

@sugarlost I decided to text Mr Hanglider to say thanks and bye, and he replied right back!!!

I said we didn't seem to have much to talk about any more, thanked him for the good times, and wished him well.

He agreed we didn't have much to say and that it wouldn't work long term between us (which is what he is looking for).

And thanked me too. And said we could keep in touch.

So all good, glad I didn't just leave it to P
Peter out, my self esteem feels better for having taken charge and "ended it" rather than being left dangling or hanging.

I had already started talking to 2 new guys this week and one seems very promising, but we've had to put off a realtime meet up while he waits for covid results from his ex wife (childcare situation).

I'm nervous about keeping chatting to him by text for several days before a meet up as it seems like it might make me over invest in the date.

Otherwise charting to another really nice guy who is 10 years younger than me and a dj but I am a middle aged mother if teenagers so a bit of a mismatch! We get on well via text though !!!

Not sure if I will see either if them this weekend or not.

How is everybody else feeling coming up to the weekend?

@jamaisjedors I like your style re Mr H! You're setting an example to follow unlike Moi who is secretly hoping Mr One Night will make contact so he can then revert to Mr Two nights ... somebody save me!

Good to be cautious about over investing in messages. My messages with One Night were mainly sexy talk. I would like a nice man to send normal messages too.

Hey Mr DJ

Hi all what a thread. Can I just add a male story please.

It is really hard for men. I know of someone who is 38 years old white with hair has a large house in London went to university and did a masters and works in technology as a manager. 5 foot 11 in good shape and has everything going and speaks five languages. He is wealthy and does not need to work.

His problem? He commutes Monday to Friday to Luxembourg for work and cannot find someone who can deal with a missing partner during the week. Tinder for him is just not working and he does not have a lot of free time (travelling all the time is not glamorous as it sounds).

This is not a pick up thread discodude no need to sell yourself...

And Why are you telling us you are white?????

@Angelofdeath not heard from Mr Flaky...I think maybe he's a fake profile or has a partner. When I think he's gone he pops up and then disappears....

I hope you're feeling better.

I go on the app out of boredom and hide my profile when I log out because I think people are probably bored of seeing me.

I don't want a smoker either and yes it sounds suspect...trust your gut.

I don't think my planned date next week will go ahead due to restrictions and we haven't swapped numbers or communicated for days so I'll be surprised if anything comes of that.

Hopefully Mr Flaky will pop up so I have something to add to the thread .

I have a few matches but come later I may have been unmatched...fingers crossed some sexy thing comes my way.

PS I don't mind sharing those gorgeous men at my door... send your address

@Angelofdeath lol that's why I asked Mr Flaky if we could meet next week as was feeling rough! I'd like to video call but I don't think he wanted that..he bailed out of a previous arrangement. We did have some sexy talk previously

What's up with Mr Pretty? I do wonder what the intentions of these guys are? Like you I'm . Are they playing with us and waiting for better options? That was my Mr One Night. I think many of these men have partners already and are bored but maybe something else is going on with Mr Pretty? Wouldn't it be great if it worked out with him...why is it so hard?
I keep seeing an attractive couple in my area...sad to say felt a bit of jealousy...

@Angelofdeath it's nice to have a constant even if it's every few weeks. Mr Pretty sounds quite fit too.

I do wonder if some of these men are catfishing us... happened to me years ago...I thought this is too good to be true and was asking why he was attracted to me as he was gorgeous...he said I have a surprise for you and then updated his Profile picture... quite sad really.

It's Good to have that romantic hope because you never know....

I fancied the guy in the couple. Ive started to look at attractive men more in real life...it's quite funny really. I think this has increased after my one night encounter. I feel more invisible as I get older...I need to do my profile pics but can't be bothered.. I'm sure the camera is lying to me anyway... I'm actually gorgeous

@Angelofdeath sounds super confusing, no idea what goes on on people's heads!

@sugarlost pretty sure you ARE gorgeous!

Has anyone tried changing their profile for better matches (Tinder)?

Last week I changed the key words and seemed to get people closer to what I want.

Still all up in the air for me.

Had a marathon texting session last night with someone I'll call Mr Salesman... he had to cancel out Friday night because of childcare issues linked to covid and now it looks like he's not free all weekend for the same reason.

He is very keen and we do have a lot in common but I'm still worried about texting a lot more before meeting.

Mr DJ is going to a concert I'm going to tonight, he was going to cancel as his friends have ditched him but is going to go in the end and we might say hi

Will be a bit weird as I am with friends but he says we can just wave if we see each other no pressure to chat.

Not sure what to do as Mr Chatty is only talking to me and seems very invested, so I feel a bit "disloyal" meeting someone else tonight...

Otoh as they say on the main dating thread, it's not real til it's real...

@jamaisjedors Thanks I know where to come to get a compliment. I think we're all lovely just based on our communication with each other.
Actually I'm no beauty...what men often call me is cute...
Have you got any tips for a profile... that's not probably helping me as I don't have one. In the past I wrote a few lines but I've come to the conclusion men are mostly visual...

Careful not to over invest. I've done that before too... thought I'd found the information and he was saying he couldn't believe how much we got along but then we met on person and his disappointment was plain to see Which he actually admitted to when questioned by me another time. Not saying your match will be disappointed with you but that is one of many dates I should have walked away from because they made me feel awful. Despite texting he had a lovely time after... that wasn't a surprise as not being big headed but my personality can normally make up a bit for not being attractive as I can be chatty and I have been told I can be charming.

Enjoy your concert and eyeing up Mr DJ...I'd be excited

It's true that it's not real until it's real so keep your options open...

@Angelofdeath lol MTV show...the episodes are mad... what people lie about..so sad.

I'm not into muscles but wouldn't say no lol

Are you happier with your hair and fringe on the side?

I would have reacted the same to Mr School run...nice to have eye candy talking to you

Lol not technically meeting Mr DJ..I like your advice!

*thought I'd found the one

@Angelofdeath thanks for your positive vibes... sending them your way too! I just don't seem to learn unfortunately and on that subject Mr Flaky has contacted me...he is looking forward to meeting me. I'm surprised he is still keen but who knows if he is playing with me...only time will tell. Will try and get a video call to save any disappointment his end. I'm like you thinking they will see me and leave..I did tell Mr One Night he could go if he didn't like me and he said it worked both ways..we both said we wouldn't be offended...

Lol practically spitting drink out at comment... that's something I would do or start crying with laughter.

Is Mr School run single? Good for you being brave... I'm so nervous with men I like!

I've had quite a few crappy dates looking back but I think that's partly due to not much luck in dating so settling with what I can get Which I do not advise!

Hi is it ok if I join ? I have lurked on this thread since the beginning and can relate to a lot of the things that we go through with OLD. I have been ghosted, blocked and messed around . However wanted to give people some hope. I have been on Hinge , nothing on that, Bumble ok but some weirdos , Tinder you have to be really really lucky to meet someone genuine I think , POF I got scammed . So was on Match for ages but never paid . If you keep browsing then eventually they send offers out.
I paid 4.99 and have met a lovely man call him Mr Smiley. We clicked straight away , lots of messaging before meeting and luckily the chemistry was there .
So just to give others some hope it really is luck and a numbers game . Thanks