Online dating in your 40s

[StarlightSparkle]

I have recently entered the world of online dating and am finding it so, so grim! I’ve tried a couple of different sites and on one I’ve had quite a few matches but they rarely message me. Granted, I could message them, but surely if a man was interested they would send you a message?

When I do get a response the conversation seems to dry up pretty quickly - I ask them about themselves and get one word answers and no follow up questions. How the hell are you supposed to continue with a conversation if that is all you have to work with?! If I can’t even get someone to chat, I have no chance of going on an actual date!

I guess most men are looking at profiles of women in their 20s and 30s and maybe think I’m too old but I look quite young for my age!

Has anyone got any tips/ advice? Am I doing something wrong? I’m divorced and have my kids most of the time so it would be hard for me to meet a man any other way but this just seems impossible!

AngelofDeath right - Mr Hottie whom I'm tempted to message again - so I sent him a message on Sunday evening - he's not replied yet, should I do the swap numbers thing yet or not? He sent me a message on Friday late afternoon and mine was sent Friday early evening and then Sunday late evening as realised not replied properly. Oh I hate all this stuff - if I was in a bar and had had a few drinks and he was there I'd be all over him - LOL. I even tried to do some detective work to find out which pub he played poker in - don't think it's the one near where we both live!

Right - I will either message him later or tomorrow. and try to throw him my number!

Angelofdeath - I know what you mean about something you need to find attractive about them - smile etc - I have made the mistake the ex wasn't my usual type (not ugly, quite good looking but not my usual type) and 2 ex boyfriends I didn't fancy it didn't end well with!

My ex-DH on the other hand was good looking and we both fancied each other!

AngelofDeath - yep it will just be the once and that's that.

Not to give my number obvs!

Funnily enough I was told by maybe on here or by a friend never to date or view men's profiles with sunglasses only on - cheaters??

Anyway a few years ago I did this (before I knew this 'rule') and had a back and forth messaging session with this man for a few months (i don't do this now!) and I think on whatsapp too - anyway we finally met and it was awful - zero chemistry at all on both our sides, what made it even worse was that he was on a holiday with a friend to Denmark and he told me his mate had pulled and had sex with a girl but I swear he did too. Yuck.

Thanks for your support ladies. I’m ok now.

Mr one night replied back a brief polite message...@Angelofdeath if only he wanted sex! Anyone so far have had my most enjoyable sexual encounters in my 40’s which is something if only it lasted longer.....
Lol Mr no photo and where it’s coming from because of delay in posting .....I’m crying lol
I’m sure you look cute in your bobble hat
I hate when messaging is hard work but maybe some guys aren’t good at it...

I just don’t know why I’m not attracted to many guys my age...I need a physical attraction too and in the past I’ve ignored that just to be more open but it’s not worked. I’ve gone on dates with guys 10years older before but not anymore.
I hate those long copy and paste messages from men...I don’t reply to no photo..
Lol wounded puppy man

@jamaisjedors I’ll live vicariously though you...enjoy!

@StarlightSparkle sorry your date was disappointing. I can’t stand flaky guys and I think it’s not goo for my self esteem.

@CleverCatty I asked Mr One Night to meet not expecting him to as I thought he may be a fake and wanted closure but I got one night out of it. I get tired of all the messaging and no plans to meet...if I like them I think I’d ask now. What are they waiting for? With Mr One Night I think he had lots of options and didn’t intend to meet me but curiosity and boredom led him my way...I can’t complain.
You definitely can’t assume with finances and men...I’ve learnt this and have been taken advantage of before.
I’d be cautious about the gambler...

I have three matches..one wants to go to watsapp straight away after asking me for a drink...for some reason I have a funny vibe so won’t swap numbers...I’m not not normally funny with numbers.

I should have a date next week..he proposed a drink straight away which was a refreshing change and same age as me.

sugarlost if it was pure gambling on anything I'd say to avoid but this man has mortgaged flat, good job etc - so a poker evening once a week isn't going to worry me, unless he knows he can't afford to gamble etc, some men like the gym etc.

I mean I love shopping but factor this into my finances - whereas some people would shriek and run a mile!

With the ex and his finances I was actually quite pissed off because a few times I was waiting for his hand to go in his pocket which it did - but I assumed due to his age, contract work etc and his frugal eating habits that he was poor but turned out he was just tight. He was also watching his weight - had lost a lot due to cutting out carbs but it was funny - we'd be out and of course I wanted food - so several times I bought a large pizza and chips 'to share' which he then couldn't say no to but I wasn't about to starve!

SugarLost - so you think he met you out of curiosity? Can't say I blame him but a bit unfair to you in that sense.

If you get a funny vibe - re the Whatsapp one - always listen to it - I've seen it called 'spidey senses' on here before.

Well that's good you should have a date and same age and proposed it straight away! maybe this is the one!

@CleverCatty good luck with your message and go for someone you fancy

@Angelofdeath is right I need something to draw me in...I love a french accent and that lover was great between the sheets too....my favourite attractive catch..memories . I’ve swiped on a lot I thought I had no chance with and the few that swiped back were my best lovers so far...
I had an ex partner I wasn’t attracted too which was a disaster...I really wanted a relationship then and He was nice to me initially. I thought this is a grower....should have went with my gut feeling. Also looked 10 years older in real life.

What do you ladies wear on dates...a drink in a nice bar or daytime coffee?
Do you stress about outfits?

@CleverCatty I agree it depends on the circumstances re gambling but some people can hide a lot of debt. The main thing is to have your eyes open and it sounds like you’re aware of potential red flags.

OMG the pizza and chips I did the same with an ex...he was so tight I’m surprised he could crap in the loo! He was awful man..should have a danger sign on his forehead. He nearly cried once at losing out on a few pence via short change at shop...he had a tantrum. I was initially attracted to him and he told me all the things I wanted to hear about settling down so sadly I fell into his trap and eventually reached just wanted my money and sex....

My date appears to be quite confident .....let’s see if opposites attract

@Angelofdeath I knew those likes would come....it’s not pathetic I would feel the same way! There is a lot of power behind a simple like, text etc...

Was there a nursery rhyme with something crooked? Perfection can be boring...I like kooky....Helena Bonham Carter for example and she has a younger lover I think.

To block or unblock....that is the question lol. It’s good you’re firm about this....I need to work on myself although not unblocking Mr Flaky again!

Irish accent ;)...that would turn me on too! I want my stomach to flip too...I’m also communicating with a Mr Italian...don’t think it will lead to anything but will keep you updated...

I also wear dresses sometimes...the one I had planned for Sunday shrunk when I put it on for my non date so maybe that was a sign!
Do you wear heels with your dresses and do you ever feel overdressed?

I normally wear skinny jeans and a blouse but like you I don’t have confidence...the image in my mind is completely different to the one looking back at me in the mirror and I’m certainly not the fairest of them all

@Angelofdeath these online decisions are hard work...should I block, should I swipe left or right....

Hair...I’ve had my fair share of unhappy cuts too...at least it grows and we have hats ;)

Dress, Sparkly flats and necklace....I love it! I want sparkly shoes now...Like Dorothy

Lol trying to sound cool...that’s not me either ...I just crumble...refer to Mr One Night....

I agree about men in 30s they want fun with me if I get them...the older guys I went on dates with talked about their ex’s and just had no spark. I like to think I have a young attitude and don’t want to get to 50 feeling 40 but with a 60 year old. I know it depends on the man so if I met someone who was a good match I Wouldn’t say no. Sometimes think men 10years older plus feel they can have their pick of younger ladies as they are still seen as a catch whilst getting older but women are not always looked at in the same way.....

@Angelofdeath Maybe it’s a fear of getting older too......I need to face reality .

I wonder if many women want to live with a man or are happy living separately but having a partner when your late 30’s upwards...
I find it can be like looking after an adult baby if you pick the wrong partner...

@Angelofdeath Your right about flashing your sparkle....we should flash all our good bits .

I think if I could meet someone similar age that would be ideal. I think the age factor can show more as we get older...35 year old with a 50 year old...it just looks big on paper...I don’t know it works for some I guess but something to think about.

29 year old....I’m surprised he couldn’t understand about the 6 weeks issue....sounded like hard work!

Oh yes I meant some men of different ages can act like babies and want a mother figure, lover, cook, cleaner, etc

Mr Italian is looking 10/15 years older than profile pic in new pic I’ve seen...was sexting a little to me...I’m not feeling it following new pic.

Mr Flaky is asking about meeting.....I know....just call Me Miss No Willpower when it comes to an attractive guy I kept him blocked on one platform but not another....this is like a virtual game which ain’t going nowhere....

Went to message a new match following notification and he unmatched me already...

@Angelofdeath I would do a video call and take it from there but Mr Flaky will always be so...I know he's probably got alot of women on the go like...

It's all about the balance in a relationship...no point compromising to much where you end up unhappy...

Update on Mr Italian....this morning he sends a picture of him in bed... telling me I made him suffer by leaving conversation early last night...I wasn't feeling sexy talk.
He starts the sexy talk and I don't engage but laugh of his comments and just as I finished my last bit of toast..... a human sausage comes my way...I didn't want sausage or sexy toast for breakfast so blocked.
Lol clutching at straws re photos...
Noooo to 8 week wait pre Covid for a date because he's fully booked...

I asked other match if we could stay on site as he wanted to go straight to WhatsApp ...he unmatched me!

My matches are dropping like flies ladies!

You ladies are such a laugh, I know it's a serious business but I enjoy your wee tales!!

placemarking again!

@Angelofdeath yes I'm doing good thanks. I have come off the sites for a while to focus on myself. Ex was down at weekend to see kids and told me he is still attracted to me. Just makes it more difficult but I know he wants a relationship on his terms only so I owe it to myself to not engage!

@LuckyLinda3 I think we should move to the comedy section .
It’s good you’re staying strong about your Ex...must be hard for you though.

Agree with @Angelofdeath.....if we didn’t laugh....

@Angelofdeath Mr Italian felt a bit sleezy... it was too full on....maybe if I was more attracted but even then...no human sausage pics please!
I’m surprised people still communicate once you’ve blocked them...he then sent a text apologising it went to my blocked messages where it will stay.

That’s annoying about the lack of decent messages and guy wanting you to beg....what are they thinking?
Loving the 20 and 70 year olds....it’s amazing the age ranges that try it!

A decent message to me is asking me for a drink....yes my standards are low but I normally get asked if I live by myself and we all know why they ask that question......