@BooFuckingHoo2 I had (note had) a friend who got exactly what you’ve described.
In her late 20s she was earning a lot of money, had her own flat and car and then met a 40 something super-rich high-flyer who wanted the traditional set-up.
Once he knew she was keen he refused to see her again unless she promised to give up smoking. Told her it was common and no woman in his social circle smoked so she’d have to stop to fit in.
She stopped.
She was desperate to move into his large, detached, 5 bed house in a very expensive part of the country.
She had to lose enough weight to be a size 10 before he would allow her. My friend was a little overweight at the time but was and still is breath takingly beautiful. He was average looking then and looks like toad of toad hall in a bad wig 15 years on.
On the day she moved in, he weighed her and told her she could never weigh more than that again and the day she did would be the day he ‘took my key back’. He did say he would make ‘allowances’ for pregnancy - she would have 3 months post birth to get back into shape.
Because she is taller than him, she was banned from wearing heels and has to contort herself in photos so she is lower than him.
In the evenings and weekends when he was in the house he wouldn’t allow her to use her phone at all and she had to sit beside him at all times.
She had to fit the gym into times when they could go together or in her lunch break as she was expected to devote all her free time to him, unless he gave permission otherwise.
He made her change her car to a high spec sports model at her own cost to be in line with his standards. She was only allowed to drive it to work and back - he had to drive it if they went out together.
He told her he would be prepared to have a child once they’d been together 4 years.
He expected her to give up work then and was clear that he would pay for everything but would expect to be given budgets and receipts and would veto anything unsuitable. Every coffee, every trip to the shop, every toothbrush and pair of socks would have to be approved by him. The money was always going to be his, not theirs.
She spent those 4 years saving every penny in a secret account to build a safety net.
I stepped away after that as it was mind boggling to see an attractive, independent woman who had the talent and drive to make as much money as any man, give it all up to fit some fantasy and become quite nasty with it because she had to ape his attitudes to everything so as not to upset him.
We still have some mutual friends and I know from them that materialistically they are very happy. She has had kids, stayed home, has stayed slim and attractive as requested. She only wears designer brands, has her hair cut at a top salon in London, nails, facials etc once a month. They go on very lovely holidays. Their house is like something from an interiors magazine. They host lunches and dinners and have a wide circle of friends just like them. They are picture perfect.
She also starves herself, smokes in secret when he’s at work, has developed anxiety around housework and cleaning to the point of obsession and now that she’s spent her savings from her work life, she secretly sells the kids clothes and household goods on Facebook market place under a fake account. She buys the expensive kids clothes he likes, puts them on the kids once and then sells them. She uses the money to buy clothes from primark and H&M for the kids to wear every day and cuts the labels out. The rest is put into her secret account or spent on buying things she doesn’t want to account or ask permission for.
You might think that’s an extreme example but from the time I spent with his social circle, they were all like that. Saw themselves as demi-gods who the women should workshop and be grateful for it. It’s a very common mindset amongst that type.
Find a man who is kind and loving and will care for you in ways apart from money. Selling your soul to be the SAH serf for an arrogant arsehole isn’t worth it in the long run.