Do old fashioned men still exist?

[BooFuckingHoo2]

Was going to NC but fuck it

I’m approaching 30 and I’ve been single for a couple of years now. I’m definitely attracted to a specific type of man, I.e. someone who’s “dominant”, has a good job and wants to play the traditional “man” role. (Also being tall and good looking helps ).

When I say traditional “man” role I mean be earning at least equal to me and be the main “provider” of the family if we were to have kids in future (I’d want to go PT). I also find it attractive when men are assertive and protective of their families and have strong morals/are chivalrous.

It seems these type of men are becoming either vanishingly rare or the ones that do exist are total dickheads! I OLD and 50% of the men I meet (and I screen them extensively first ) turn out to be very passive and (I’ll be flamed for this) want me to pay half on a first date .

Has anyone got a “traditional” DH/DP or does anyone dare to admit this is what they want?

Do these men still exist (non dick head ones) and how can I make sure I attract them?

Big girls do it better

Not when it comes to bagging the tall, high earning men. I've worked with enough to know how it plays out

I know several men who fit your description.

They earn a lot of money, all work a lot, all have at least one 5-7 mistress, and in between working a lot, seeing their mistress and the golf or boys trips away, barely see their families. They treat their wives like shit but tell them that they have a nice life so to stop whining. They are all complete and utter wankers. Thankfully a few wives have stood up to these men and they are now in the process of divorcing.

About 50, when they start to venture into beer belly, gout and dirty old man territory, they slow down a little and realise what selfish twats they have been, IME.

Ugh.

I married a kind and funny man. He is a wonderful dad who does the breakfast shift every morning and is home in time to read a book and do bedtime. He is kind, my best friend and extremely thoughtful. He does earn more money at the moment and sustained our family whilst I was a SAHM for 6 years but our money has always been equal.

I am in the process of retraining and it is taking up a lot of hours, so he is stepping up while I am home less, to make sure our (four) DC don't suffer emotionally from seeing less of a parent.

And as we both value our time outside of work, we employ a housekeeper to take care of our home.

I, (with respect), think you have all of your priorities very, very wrong... but if this is a path you are intent on going down, you will discover that for yourself

Wow OP, you're aiming to punch pretty high for a chubby girl.
Whether you agree with the OP or not, this is a breathtakingly horrible comment. What a twat that poster is.

Looks at calender
Does a double take
Yep, it's 2020
Why would anyone want such an unequal life

I'm really shocked by the horrible assumptions about SAHDs. Imagine if men assumed we only reared children because we were failures or mentally ill? We are justifiably up in arms that they are even faintly patronising about the tough and important 24/7 job of raising a family and keeping a home.
I know quite a few men who are the main child-carer and they are not all Kevins from Motherland.

Go for that life but read all the posts on here about women traded in for a younger model when they hit their forties and they have gone PT or been a SAHP while their DH forges their career. So they are left financially vulnerable.

You are educated to PG level not all women have even a chance for that sort of opportunity. They will always be in a min wage job, always vulnerable.

If that’s what you want then go for it but think about the years ahead.

@GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy I know, what losers those two must be 😂

I’m not offended.....I don’t see my size as a barrier (I’m not enormous just overweight) and I haven’t been short of offers from high earning men, as difficult as some posters find that to believe 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Good thread, OP. I've married a traditional man as you say. But that doesn't mean they are any more loving, maybe more dutiful. I took a career break bringing up my kids and dh took care of most of the money side of things. I got a bit tired of asking for money just to buy something. Going back to a shiny new job in September. Can't wait!

@BooFuckingHoo2
Here's the book you need if you want this type of guy and link to the groups.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/New-Rules-digital-generation-bestselling/dp/0749957247/ref=mpssa112?dchild=1&keywords=ellen+fein+the+rules&qid=1597216625&sprefix=ellen+fe&sr=8-2
www.facebook.com/groups/1100255930061761/?ref=share

@Deadringer you make a good point. Why would you buy the cow if you're getting milk free? That is the basic problem with shacking up/ having sex/ moving in with etc without getting married. Then the men move on.
I'd like to think that the real traditional men would not string a woman out like that, with no intentions . Not many of those exist now, sadly.
Oops running for cover from a flaming 😁😁!

@userbbb
^the best of British (luck)
UK informal
used to wish someone luck, especially when you do not think they have much chance of success or happiness:
You're going to ask her father for money? Best of British, mate!^
dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/best-of-british-luck

Surely most couples should divide the load based on what suits them not a 5050 down the middle unless thats what works.

There's a difference between a man who really wants this set-up and those who fell into it out of practicalities or who don't mind.

There are women on here who are more experienced than me (mid-30s), but there might be a price to pay for the traditional man you are looking for. I don't think all of them want trophy wives, but expect that man to be quite dominant. He will expect to have the final say on matters and most likely will want a wife who is not a challenge to him. He is unlikely to go for someone as or more intelligent than himself (or what his perception of that is).

I think a lot of women must crave the stability and financial security that this type of man offers. A man who'll happily buy you clothes, but it may surprise you how you feel in that kind of relationship. For those women who were missing a father figure in their life or who are very passive personalities, yes, they might be happy, but otherwise be prepared for feeling infantilised and subordinate. It's not a nice feeling. It will make you feel small, less bold. You won't feel like your opinions matter, that your feelings don't matter. That you will be expected to fit into a lobotomised, lesser role and that his financial power will make him feel like he has the right to expect and ask for things he shouldn't.

I'm in the same boat on the other side of the river OP so I feel for you.

I'm a man trying to meet a woman with traditional values but without the archaic personality traits that go along with those traditions.

I don't see why taking on the traditional role of care giver, house keeper and general wife work also has to come with a stubborn unwillingness to also earn a decent wage and pay her way.

Much like yourself, I'm baffled by this unwillingness of these women to maintaining the traditional female roles in a relationship but to also adopt the modern parts of feminine roles which would be of benefit to me.

I don't see why taking on the traditional role of care giver, house keeper and general wife work also has to come with a stubborn unwillingness to also earn a decent wage and pay her way.

Well that’s a very raw deal for the woman. Why should she solely be expected to work AND solely raise the children, do all the cleaning and cooking?

The way it used to be was the man worked and the woman did everything else to keep the home running and raise the children etc.

Your proposal seems to be for the man to work then have the rest of the time to his leisure whilst the woman has to also work AND do all the stuff a stay at home wife and mother used to do and have zero off time?

If both people in a marriage are working, then they both need to share all the other responsibilities.

You’d have to be a complete nutcase to not realise that.

traditional female roles in a relationship but to also adopt the modern parts of feminine roles which would be of benefit to me.

Not absolutely sure I'm following this ^

Would it translate to a woman who does all , or at least the lion's share of all the wife work, housework and childcare and earns a decent wage ?

@Mayorquimby2 if you're willing to share the burden of looking after the children, the house etc then you shouldn't have any issues finding a woman.

But if you expect her to do all that and have a good wage career and pay her way, then you're one of those traditional men that are dicks that OP is talking about.

Surely most couples should divide the load based on what suits them not a 5050 down the middle unless thats what works

Very much this. So long as the overall division of work is fair and has been agreed in good faith then go for it.

@Mayorquimby2 are you having a laugh? I've left my job this year and expecting my second child. I intend to stay home for the next few years to take care of them and dh will be the earner. I won't be working, mothering and being a housewife. It's impossible. You might be able to find someone very 'feminine' and girly that likes a man to take the lead but you will struggle to find anyone willing to wait on you, your kids and hold down a job

@Mayorquimby2 are you having a laugh?

Yes.

Mayorquimby2 is surely taking the piss out of OP?

Oh, crosspost :)

I thought (hoped) @Mayorquimby2 was just making a point
Op wants a traditional man but only the bits she likes

I don't see why taking on the traditional role of care giver, house keeper and general wife work also has to come with a stubborn unwillingness to also earn a decent wage and pay her way.

Sorry, but this is crazy, you want to meet a women who takes on all the childcare duties, housework and general 'wifework' while at the same time holding down a full time job of sufficient renumeration that enables her to 'pay her way'. What exactly do you bring to the table in this lop sided arrangement? That's not being 'traditional', just massively entitled and selfish.

I think I have just been 'wooshed'