I’d rather be dead.

[despairingandunhappy]

I hate DP.
I have never known a man so financially abusive in my life. He blames me for us having no money yet leaves me with £11 a month to live off after bills are paid. We’re 4 days before payday there is no food in my house and 10p in my bank. And all I have is him moaning about it, “he’d be better off in prison”
I’ve got fuck all. I’m glad we’re on lockdown cos it gives me an excuse to not go out. I don’t want my friends sending me pics of clothes they’re buying or holidays so I’ve come off social media. I need this off my chest because I’m about to explode.

I’d rather be fucking dead.

[timeisnotaline]

Please just go down there op, with baby. Pack 2 suitcases before you go - clothes and baby things and ask for help to fetch them. Wishing you the better life you deserve, and that he does end up in prison.

[Mydarlingsleepthief]

You have nothing to loose by turning up
In the morning, I think you should try to do that

[Sunrise234]

Have you left yet?

[TimelyManor]

I know it’s my own fault I’m in this mess.

You can stop that right now! It is not your fault. It's so easy to be beaten down when you're in such a relationship, impossible to see a way out, but it is NOT YOUR FAULT. He is the abusive one. He is the one doing this.

I hope you are safe and on your way to getting some help

[despairingandunhappy]

I do feel like it’s my fault. And I hate myself because I don’t want to see him with anyone else. That’s the only reason I’ve stayed. Because he’s made me feel like I’m so fat ugly incapable and so undeserving of love that I’m still here.

[Mabelface]

www.crossroadsderbyshire.org/i-need-help/i-am-aged-16-24/

These are based in glossop. Worth giving them a call.

[Ogham]

“Because he’s made me feel like I’m so fat ugly incapable and so undeserving of love that I’m still here.”

That’s the only reason he says those things - it’s to batter your confidence so you won’t leave. You can get help to change how you see yourself but first you need to remove yourself from all the Situation and negativity. Don’t think about of him meeting someone else down the line (poor woman!), because by then you truly won’t care.

[Sunrise234]

And I hate myself because I don’t want to see him with anyone else.

Then stay with him OP but don’t moan in another couple of years when things are still the same or worse and your friends are all getting married and going on holiday and you’re not because you’ve chosen to stay with him out of fear he’ll find someone else.

[despairingandunhappy]

My self esteem is in the toilet. I feel so ugly. I don’t usually care about who exes move on with.

[TimelyManor]

And I hate myself because I don’t want to see him with anyone else.
I was in a 30 year relationship with an abuser, I went through all manner of hell caused by him. The thing that I struggle to come to terms with, even now, is that he cheated on me and is now living with her. But it is worth it to be free of him, the relief is immense. As soon as he'd gone my whole world became calm. You can have the same. It's not always easy, you'll have ups and downs but it is worth it because it's SO much better than the living hell you're going through now

[wildcherries]

Oh OP. My heart hurts reading your posts. Please do as you mentioned and tell the appropriate people that you haven't eaten in days, are in a horrendous situation with an abuser and need out for your baby and yourself. I wish I had other advice, but I mostly wanted to wish you so much luck. I hope you get a refuge place and the help you need and deserve very soon. There's a life out there for you. Sending you strength.

[Youngatheart00]

You really can make a change today. When he’s out of the house pack some essentials for you and little one. Go straight to the council and if necessary, show them this thread. Please tell me you have now eaten?

[despairingandunhappy]

I’ve contacted women’s aid. I don’t care how far the refuge is I just need out.

[ClamDango]

You wont see him with anyone else. No one would want him. Good luck with finding a refuge place today.

[Livedandlearned]

When I was with my exh I felt like I wouldn't want to see him with anyone else.

Now I wish them all the luck in the world when I hear he has another victim. (not a dv victim or anything, he's just a dick)

[candycane222]

You do need out. You're 100% right and you're doing the best thing possible for you and your baby. IT ABSOLUTELY IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS. Nobody does. Nobody.

[Vodkacranberryplease]

@despairingandunhappy

You are doing the absolute right thing. There have been a number of threads recently here on financial abuse and I must admit until relatively recently I didn't know it existed and how severe it was. It's just another form of DV. It might help to read them and realise how little of this is your fault.

Nothing can get worse from here. You are still young and will create a wonderful new life. And ironically he will end up having to give you a lot more money they he currently is!

[despairingandunhappy]

Thank you for being so kind everyone. I have an appointment tomorrow with an IDVA and I’m petrified of even telling them what’s going on. I minimise my abuse and downright lie half the time. I’m hoping they can find me somewhere, even if it’s a B&B or bedsit I don’t care. I can’t take much more. He will have me in a box under ground if I stay much longer

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

Try to write down everything. Preferably in a locked note on your phone. And keep this thread handy, download the talk app if you don't have it. Give yourself prompts. You need to remind yourself of everything that's important, and when you're face to face with somebody you might feel silly, but it's not silly.

[Summerhillsquare]

Its really hard to disclose everything, isn't it? I bet he's living rent free in your head too. Can you jot down a timeline of whats happened, or use this thread or a private social media account to keep a note? Might get things clear for you.

[despairingandunhappy]

Everything sits in my head every day, why has this happened, all the happier times we had, how happy I used to be, when did it start. I know exactly what to say, I just protect him all the time, even when people say he’s a scumbag and a total cunt I find myself replying with “but” followed by a compliment.

[dublingirl66]

I feel for you

Been there
It's awful

We fled when my baby was 7 weeks old
Life is so much easier now

He was abusive in all ways
A real c_t just like your abuser

I'm so sorry

Do listen to the fab people on here
They saved my life

Sending you so many good wishes ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Ogham]

Best of luck with your appointment, you deserve a better life 🌷

[Shantotto]

If you’re worried you’ll minimise what’s happening to you do you think you could show the IDVA this thread as a starting point?

[toothfairy73]

You have taken such a massive step. Good luck with your IDVA tomorrow. I have not had your experience but had an ISVA. She was incredible but I remember how scary it was taking that first step. Remember you can go one step at a time at your pace. Having someone who is there to support you, who has your back, and is like your own personal cheerleader is invaluable. This is the first step towards your new future. You've got this, and we all have your back.