I’d rather be dead.

[despairingandunhappy]

I hate DP.
I have never known a man so financially abusive in my life. He blames me for us having no money yet leaves me with £11 a month to live off after bills are paid. We’re 4 days before payday there is no food in my house and 10p in my bank. And all I have is him moaning about it, “he’d be better off in prison”
I’ve got fuck all. I’m glad we’re on lockdown cos it gives me an excuse to not go out. I don’t want my friends sending me pics of clothes they’re buying or holidays so I’ve come off social media. I need this off my chest because I’m about to explode.

I’d rather be fucking dead.

[ClamDango]

Do you own the house together and the bills come out of your bank? If you leave then you get in touch with the companies and say youre no longer living there and get your name taken off. It wont be your problem. With the broadband is it a contract. Can it be.cancelled or transferred if you move. Do you own any of the furniture you can take or store. You can make an appt to speak to your bank and citizens advice about sorting out bills and finsnces.

[ProseccoGlass]

Why worry for 2 adults when you can worry for 1, he just adds stress for you and tbh I'd just get rid of that burden of an extra stress. Good luck OP wish you all the best

[backseatcookers]

[quote despairingandunhappy]@CodenameVillanelle I was honestly debating just going down there in the morning and just saying I’ve not eaten since Friday I’m being financially abused and I can’t take anymore I need out[/quote]
Do this, really really really do this love x

[Scratchyback]

Do you know something OP? You’ve had a difficult childhood and now are having an unnecessarily difficult adulthood. I don’t often post this but ... get the hell out of this as soon as you can and live the life you should have with your little one. There is a better life out there for you... and you deserve it. Put yourself first for a change and plot your course of action. I really hope it works out for you, he sounds like a financially abusive arse. You’ll certainly be no worse off for leaving and it’ll probably be the best thing you ever did

[Sunrise234]

what do I do about gas electric and broadband?

If the money is coming out of your account ring them and say you’ve left that house. Cancel it through online banking if necessary.

[rvby]

[quote despairingandunhappy]@CodenameVillanelle I was honestly debating just going down there in the morning and just saying I’ve not eaten since Friday I’m being financially abused and I can’t take anymore I need out[/quote]
Please do this love. It's so hard to read how much he has made you suffer. You deserve peace and security x

[Marble2302]

Hi OP,

I have been in your situation. My ex was horrendous. We moved 400 miles away and he treated me in the most appalling way. I lost all my friends.

I eventually managed to leave him. I ended up living in social housing in the estate I grew up in. But you know what I was free.

It has taken me 6 years to clear the debt that we built up. I was paying my share of bills to my ex and he was spending it on himself. My credit rating is still really poor but again I am free.

I didn't want my daughter to think that being beaten, controlled and abused was normal.

I know the thought of being a single parent in scary but honestly you can do it. You can live fear free and you deserve to live fear free.

[despairingandunhappy]

I’m pretty much already a single mum so that bit doesn’t bother me, this is just all I’ve known for almost three years and I’m scared

[SoleBizzz]

This will be a fresh start for you and your beautiful baby. I'm so proud of you x

[Hellbentwellwent]

OP you might feel like it’s all desperate at the minute but once you’re away from him you’ll be 100% better off, emotionally and financially. Just do it, it’s scary but once you’ve taken the leap you’ll not regret it.

[Kittykat93]

Oh god op that was heartbreaking to read. Please leave this abusive prick before he starts abusing your baby too. Do you really have absolutely no neighbours, aquaintences or friends that could help you in any way? I would 100 percent help any person I knew who was in this situation and needed food, clothes, a room for the night or help to escape.

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

I’m not outgoing either for very similar reasons to you, OP. I hope you have the strength to pull yourself out of this. Please do go tomorrow morning. Honestly, I’m also annoyed reading about your friends. If I had a friend in your situation, I’d invite her over for cups of tea, snacks and and online window shopping. We’d have baskets full of dream stuff . Going out doesn’t have to be the be all and end all of socialising. You deserve to have a relaxed and happy life. You sound so fed up, and I’m sorry I can’t actually help x

[despairingandunhappy]

@SuckingDownDarjeeling that’s what I’d love. Just a brew and a chat about nothing. Even just a random conversation about the weather! But no all I get is “mortgages new clothes holidays driving lessons” I’m not bitter about anyone doing well normally, but now it’s like I resent anyone living normally.

[Closetbeanmuncher]

pretty much already a single mum so that bit doesn’t bother me, this is just all I’ve known for almost three years and I’m scared

There's no negative to leaving him, and nothing to be scared of. If you can't do it for yourself do it for your child.

[Closetbeanmuncher]

“mortgages new clothes holidays driving lessons” I’m not bitter about anyone doing well normally, but now it’s like I resent anyone living normally

You could have these things yourself but you'll never have them living with him. Your friends have probably given up trying to get through to you tbh.

[despairingandunhappy]

@Closetbeanmuncher my friends have never tried to get through to me as they know half a story. I don’t confide in anyone hence my rant on here. I’ve kept it in for almost 3 years.

[Closetbeanmuncher]

I really hope for yours and your child's sake this isn't just "a rant", and you're planning to follow through anf remove yourself from this awful situation.

Is he the father of the baby?

[Sunrise234]

Try not to be jealous/push your friends your friends away it is not their fault you stayed in a crap relationship. You could have asked for their help.
Just remember now you are leaving you can have all the things they have too.

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

FWIW I genuinely don't think OP is pushing her friends away out of some kind of spite or jealousy. It's really not easy to be around something when you can't have it no matter how much you want it. Think about saying no to going to a restaurant because you're dieting.

It won't happen overnight, and I'm a bit of a hypocrite giving this advice OP, but you can have those things. And you will find new friends . You've kind of given me hope that there are other people more like me that I can form friendships with some day 😂. Take every day one step at a time. Look at what benefits you'll be entitled to, and start dreaming of what your life will be like when you have that freedom. That really helps, trust me. Even if you bottle it tomorrow, you can do it the next day. He is a CUNT. Later when you're doubting yourself, thinking he's not that bad, believing you're feeling sorry for yourself and playing the victim, please remember that you're not wrong.

Meanwhile, you can talk! If you could afford to live anywhere right now, what kind of house would you have for you and DC? And what job would you do while he's at nursery/daycare? What would you look forward to doing while you're alone after DC goes to sleep?

[despairingandunhappy]

I’m not unkind to my friends or anything, I join in the conversation as a normal person would and talk about their hopes and dreams etc, but when I go home I just cry. I know it’s my own fault I’m in this mess.

[despairingandunhappy]

I also haven’t pushed anyone away or told them how I feel, I just stop speaking

[MummytoCSJH]

OP I have PMd you x

[Ogham]

Such a sad post, I do believe you are going to leave him which is wonderful. Do reach out to ur friends, be honest and let them know what’s happening In your life. They just might surprise you x

[Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches]

Please do leave in the morning and do as you have said OP.

There is a better life for you out there.

[SuckingDownDarjeeling]

all I have is him moaning about it, “he’d be better off in prison”

He doesn't really know how right he is, does he?

You've mentioned before that he is also physically and verbally abusive. You can report this. You call also call the police for advice about the financial abuse. Call them, please, just 101. Ask them what you can do, and have a log made of your concerns. Maybe he'll get his wish, fingers crossed 🤞🏻