I’d rather be dead.

[despairingandunhappy]

I hate DP.
I have never known a man so financially abusive in my life. He blames me for us having no money yet leaves me with £11 a month to live off after bills are paid. We’re 4 days before payday there is no food in my house and 10p in my bank. And all I have is him moaning about it, “he’d be better off in prison”
I’ve got fuck all. I’m glad we’re on lockdown cos it gives me an excuse to not go out. I don’t want my friends sending me pics of clothes they’re buying or holidays so I’ve come off social media. I need this off my chest because I’m about to explode.

I’d rather be fucking dead.

Has he tried to contract you?
Please phone the police or tell someone at the refuge what he did yesterday. It'll add weight to any custody battle/decision.

Never, ever go back. Better to be alone than to have people like him anywhere near you. I would also think that he would ramp up his control over you and I think we all have unfortunately seen enough stories of how that sort of situation ends.

He’s such a cruel bastard and I’m so happy you and baby are safe now. His mental abuse is beyond evil, as for his auntie!!! It’s very upsetting for you that your mom isn’t completely on your side, so sad to hear that. Well done for getting away and hopefully he’ll get his comeuppance (soon!)

PPs have mentioned it but please turn off location services on your phone for a few days. Even if you have nothing knowingly set up, even if you don't think he's tech savvy enough to do anything, don't take the chance.

So proud of you op. Never look back.

Do not tell ANYONE even your family where you are. He may be able to manipulate them into sharing your location.
Do not go and meet them in case someone follows you home.
Make sure the police know- its really important you tell them now so they can respond quickly and will be hopefully pre-briefed with a referende number so he cant manipulate them if he turns up and you need their help.
Remove any location tracking on your phone- in case he synced your phones and you didnt know about it.

So glad you have left and are safe. Do not reply to any of his texts and do turn off location on any devices.

I’m off location anyway, not replied to him but he’s trying to get me back, even getting his mum to text me. Cos that’s appealing

Do not ever go back or fall for his pointless and desperate begging. He is a deeply unhappy man who makes himself feel better by abusing and hitting you. His life is going down the toilet. Your life is on the way up from now and you are free at last.

So he wants you to come back to him, because you must be very excited about getting all that violent abuse he's been promising? Or maybe if you're lucky, he'll tell you he's 'changed and it will never happen again' so then you can go back to all those 'good things' in the relationship? what a weirdo. I'm sure it's tempting to tell his mum what he's really like but I'm certain she already knows.

All his family know he beats me and takes my money, they’ve known for ages and do nothing. Just sit there babying him it’s absolutely pathetic

Don’t let them use your son as an emotional football either.

You must go to the police and press charges. Because otherwise the courts will not accept your version and he will get a lot of custody. You really need a non molestation order and I think probably to move away from your area all together.

Please don't let threats to your mum scare you. He won't follow through because he knows he will go to prison. Without the official records of his abuse you are powerless. Without pressing charges the police can do nothing.

I think that your mum needs to be considered another one of them. She knows if she takes your side it's dangerous for her and clearly has her own issues anyway. She can not be trusted.

He wouldn’t do anything to my mum, she’s not scared of him anyway, this is literally just how she is, there’s no way for her to turn it back to her being the victim so she’s not interested

You brave, strong, inspirational girl. Look at your beautiful baby and feel proud of you taking the right step of keeping you both safe and well.

Sometimes when we grow up with unusual circumstances we look for love in the wrong places. You can’t change other people’s behaviour but you change your response to it.

Be kind to your self. You are worth loving and respecting yourself. Little family support, or a neglectful upbringing is not your fault. Know that you deserve kindness and respect from everyone. Don’t settle for anything less. You will get through this. How do I know?! Because your courage shines through from your posts. Keep taking one foot in front of the other, little by little and keep walking away from that toxic environment.

Wishing you all the best my friend.

I take it from your posts that you have no intension of going back to him. Like others say, please report him to the police for the sake of future custody battles.

You doing amazing

Don't believe them when they say they will get full custody blah blah
Madness

You have done fab
I was never as brave it took me a lonnnnnnngggg time

Also

1. I gave into the pleading texts multiple times
   Went back
   Got worse

Why do so many people stand by and do nothing
Infuriated me

So his family knew full story !? Hate them all

I hope you've had some proper meals today and are feeling stronger and your Ds is feeling more settled, whatever happens don't go back and please report to the police it will help you in the long run, particularly with regard to handing your Ds over to that lunatic (or rather hopefully not). Wishing you everything you deserve

I’ve eaten a lot today. My idva is considering reporting this to social services but she said they probably won’t act cos I’m not at risk. Great.

Yeah be wary of social services and be very wary of cafcass

Yes report report report

Met some fab police officers

Yes cafcass were shit
But some families have said they helped them ?!

But I'm hoping we get restraining orders
You do not want this beast to have normal access to your child no way

Report everything

It's not too late

I’m hoping she doesn’t ring SS. She said they’ll probably not act anyway cos I’m out of it but I can’t fucking stand them

OP. You are doing amazing things for yourself and your baby. Keep going!!! You are strong and he is scum. Keep it up xx

You should be really proud of yourself for getting you and DS out of the situation, you are very brave and strong and he is a vile person.

You're free now and can rebuild your life!