I’d rather be dead.

[despairingandunhappy]

I hate DP.
I have never known a man so financially abusive in my life. He blames me for us having no money yet leaves me with £11 a month to live off after bills are paid. We’re 4 days before payday there is no food in my house and 10p in my bank. And all I have is him moaning about it, “he’d be better off in prison”
I’ve got fuck all. I’m glad we’re on lockdown cos it gives me an excuse to not go out. I don’t want my friends sending me pics of clothes they’re buying or holidays so I’ve come off social media. I need this off my chest because I’m about to explode.

I’d rather be fucking dead.

I really really don’t want any of them around my son. So that’s another thing I’ve got to sort out

Make sure you call the police OP. It'll help with any custody battle. The police will protect your mum

When you report, try to include what his Aunt has said. Not just to the police, to anybody who will listen. If you end up needing to go to court to stop visitation with him or his family, mentioning that they support him after he injured you won't go in his favour.

I don’t understand my own mum either, she phoned me last night and idk if it’s her current circumstances but for some reason she’s not offering any support until she speaks to him or his family, as though I’m lying. Honestly I cannot be arsed with any of this

Oh OP I am so sorry he did this to you. I am so relieved you are out. I've been thinking about you and worried when you didn't post yesterday during the day.

I know it's a big decision to call the police and it's scary but he is relying on your silence to keep his secret and you don't have to do anything he wants anymore. The police will protect you and your mum.

He deserves to be in prison for what he has done to you and like others have said you may need to report to stop him from getting access to your son. There may well be previous allegations or convictions on file. He must have done this before.

I'm so sorry his auntie is being so shit too. She's deluded. We all know the truth of what he is.

Sending you lots of love

I'm so sorry about your mums response too. We believe you.

I feel like I’m on a different planet. My mums been on drugs for years so it may have skewed her reality but she’s always been the type to make things about her and really feel sorry for herself.

If DS was being abused I wouldn’t want to fucking sit down and have a conversation with be abuser.

Your family is acting bizarrely. That's awful. I'm really sorry.

You said before that your mum’s got her own major issues she’s dealing with at the moment. Unfortunately that means you may need to look out for yourself and your boy and not rely on others that you wouldn’t normally expect to. But pleased you’re finally in the hostel and ‘in the system’ so to speak. Please do report to the police, the threatening tactics he uses are so so standard. Photograph your injuries and you have this thread as a journal of what he’s done to you over the past few days. Physical, financial, emotional abuse. I note the physical abuse as both the violence and the starvation. Stay strong OP, you are on the up even if the road ahead looks daunting.

I've read this thread cheering you on from the sidelines. I'm really impressed with how clearly you can see everything now. Please don't let him back in, if you're ever in doubt read this thread and what all of us think of this piece of lowlife scum.

Are you safely away and in your hostel now? Will you move from the temporary space into a slightly longer term place?

My mums always been selfish so I don’t know what I actually expected from her tbh.

DS has had a total of 4 hours sleep and isn’t showing signs of a nap, I love sleep regression
I’ve got to have quite a few meetings from today and over the weekend because according to my IDVA the abuse has been severe. As a PP said, forcing me to starve is a form of physical abuse which I didn’t realise

So glad you are out and free. He's an absolute scumbag. Xx

Thank you everyone, I hope he dies soon

Did DS at least wake you up in time for breakfast?

DS woke me up for breakfast and a midnight snack😂 every time I think he’s in a good sleeping pattern he enters a regression

At his worst, I used to wish my ex would die. I've always felt ashamed for even thinking that, but when I see you say it I think good on you. I bet he'd have you believe that you're abusive/controlling for 'moaning' that he was buying himself food. If anybody asked he'd say he offered you some. He's disgusting. Really, really vile.

Just realised I’ve got fucking paid this morning feels weird to not have to go to the bank and withdraw it all

You just have the one bank card? And there’s no other way he can access your account?

Another thought, if you have an iPhone or anything else with “find my phone” make sure it’s turned off. Best to just turn off your location services. That’s what I’d do anyway. Additional peace of mind!

Have you met anyone else at the hostel yet?

No he can’t access my account and my cards with me, thankfully it wasn’t a joint account and I changed my pin yesterday

There’s a few people here, some fleeing DV and some who have fallen on hard times. People are lovely and it’s quite nice, I have my own little bathroom it’s very hotelly, gonna start putting chocolate on my pillow every morning see if it boosts my mood

and I missed your previous post re meetings set up for you. That’s great. You’re in the system. So proud of you!!

So glad you are out, OP.

Take all the advice of your IDVA. I assume that they have photographed your injuries? If not, do it, and make sure the photos have date stamps. I agree with PP that the police should be informed. Your IDVA will guide you through making a statement. As pard as it is, make the statement, and include everything - financial, emotional, physical. It may or may not result in arrest, but it will be forever recorded. Not to frighten you, but when he comes looking for contact or residency, it will help that the police have records of what he has done.

In terms of family, I guess that this has come out of nowhere for them. Is he usually charming? You may have to let go and let them have their own journey with this. At least for now I would advise that you shut anyone out that in't 100% in your court, and focus on you and your baby. I trust that being where you are, you will have lots of support, and I hope that you feel able to take it.

I'm relieved for you and DS that you are out OP. Has he realised you've gone?

Yeah he’s texting me and phoning me begging me to come home. I’m not blocking his number because I’d rather know what he’s saying than me be oblivious to evil messages and him just track me down.