Husband suddenly weird with phone

[clockflower]

Does anyone have any advice? Since lockdown started, my husband has been edgy with his iphone. He mostly leaves it turned off in the morning bfore work. It's quite often on mute. He says it keeps going to mute by itself?!
I haven't checked his messages as I feel like that would be invading his privacy, but I'm afraid to say that I checked his messenger settings on our shared ipad and he has secret conversations activated. I never use facebook messenger.
He must also have turned off notifications because when I whatsapped him recently he never got it and it was only when I asked him about it that he opened WhatsApp and read it?!
He just seems suddenly different with his phone! What would you do? I don't feel like I can ask him really as there's nothing concrete to say.

So actually if he doesn’t ever really go out without you then how would it be possible for him to be having an affair? Unless I’ve missed something?

You would be surprised.

So actually if he doesn’t ever really go out without you then how would it be possible for him to be having an affair? Unless I’ve missed something?

We had a couple having an affair at work who shagged in the disabled loo there. Distasteful but there you go.

Nothing to stop him taking time off without op knowing either, or with flexible working if it's an option, taking hours here and there.

People take their opportunities and risks for affairs.

I may have missed this, but who are the secret conversations with? I didn’t even know they existed, but just tested it out and even though the messages disappear you can still see who is in the conversation.

We had a couple having an affair at work who shagged in the disabled loo there. Distasteful but there you go

Grim, but I sort of laughed 🤭.

@Tempusfudgeit

clockflower You seem very flat, submissive and resigned to all this. Are you dependent on him for money? It seems as if you wouldn't/couldn't leave even if you did find out he was having an affair.

I think the reason that is so is because the whole range of affair stuff has been covered factually in such a short time

My (stb)ex husband got really cagey with his phone, seemed mostly normal in the day if a bit more 'formal' with me, got erectile dysfunction..

I actually found out by accident through his search history. Hed been using viper secret messages and had been googling other stuff. You can also keep some whatsapp threads hidden. Have a look at his search history

Yes he'd been having an affair, starting 3 weeks after the birth of my son. Turns out he was fucking in cars after work and hotel rooms during the daytime. What a piece of shit.

I hate to say it op but it does sound like he is, i really hope he isnt. Its the worst thing you can do to your partner. DONT TELL HIM YOU SUSPECT THOUGH cause he'll delete everything and you need that evidence if you do divorce

I think the reason that is so is because the whole range of affair stuff has been covered factually in such a short time

Hasn't it.

Did you check archived chats in WhatsApp? Or click to start a new chat and see who comes up as frequently contacted?

This is one nutty thread! OP has been convinced her husband is having an affair and already planning what she’ll do when she discovers it. Settle down!!! One slight suspicion with phone... doesn’t mean much. Stop working yourself up OP, I’d get off this thread if I were you, messing with your mind

If he is still making love to you and cuddling surely that is a sign he still loves you ?

@Anordinarymum
Men can still love their wives, cuddle them and have sex with them while conducting an affair.

For a lot of men having an affair gets them more sex so of course they will do both.

People can be very clever when they're upto no good.
My ex DH especially, fooled us all (his own family included) thinking he was respectful, loyal and hard working family man. I should have followed my gut years ago.
I really hope it's nothing sinister op, these threads never end well, however would be good for is all to be proved wrong.

Good grief, I didn't know you were allowed to be calm in a crisis.

She's being dignified and most likely in denial/shock, does she need to go nuts? I was calm, dignified and composed...until I got the evidence then the anger and upset came in

same @Rainydayss I was super calm. sort of shock I think.

Still I think this thread escalated very quickly as to what "being strange with a phone" could mean.

Could it be you are just noticing things as you are spending more time together however if you have a gut feeling something isn’t right it usually isn’t

Look on archived chat on WhatsApp I don’t know about messenger secret chat but does it not say who it was with ? Can you look at his Facebook search history see if he’s repeatedly looking at someone’s profile who maybe isn’t on his friends list

I don't really get why he's using it because it will come up in his phone anyways x

It's sad to see how naive some people really are. It's blatantly clear OPs husband is up to something. Are we so entrenched in the patriarchy that we believe anything but the truth to explain away clearly dodgy behaviour until we have cold hard evidence.

I've been on both sides of the cheating spectrum. (Back when I was very young). There are two reasons people start hiding their phones, illegal activity or affairs. Neither is desirable.

Also, OP you don't need proof to divorce him, this is complete nonsense. You can divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour and don't need proof or his permission - despite what some might believe.

I hope you get yourself in a position that when the truth does come out, you are on top, safe and in control.

Sorry you're going through this, op.

I don't understand the secret conversations issue either - I've enabled it on my messenger app. It simply means nobody other than me and the person I'm messaging can see it, but I can see all conversations in my app (I'm on iphone).

Just a thought on the iPhone Turing itself on silent, my old iPhone used to do this, the sliding button to put it on silent became lose so when in my bag/pocket it would just go to silent mode by itself x

My iPhone mutes itself too, all the bloody time. It is an ageing 6. It drives me nuts and makes me feel unprofessional asi miss calls, but holding off on new phone till I NEED it. It annoys Dh too. You could just pretend to get super annoyed with him when he says it next and say does he need a new phone?

It's sad to see how naive some people really are. It's blatantly clear OPs husband is up to something. Are we so entrenched in the patriarchy that we believe anything but the truth to explain away clearly dodgy behaviour until we have cold hard evidence.

Yeah whatevs. Maybe entrenched in relationships.

@Anordinarymum no offence to you at all but that has to be one of the silliest things I've read. How many men cheat and still come home to play happy families. How many women have said they had no clue until they found out and honestly anyone who thinks 'he cant be cheating because he still cuddles me' needs their head testing.

I dont mean to have a go at you and I'm not it's just I find that mind blowing to think that way.