I asked him if he loves me more than he ever loved his ex wife

[mongwyn]

And he replied don't ask me things like that ...

I can't get it out of my head . Am I being unreasonable asking about this ? I know I'm insecure but it's making me so unhappy

My partner loved his ex wife and they had children together. If they could have made it work, he would definitely still be with her. He has said that he and I are more compatible which is good enough for me, not for my insecurity but because if you have both had previous marriages that ended, you want it to not happen again!

It isn't a fair question. I loved someone once more than I love my husband but I was young and the relationship was insanely passionate and intense. We were obsessed with each other and it wasn’t healthy. There were also so many arguments all the time.

My husband makes me feel safe and his calmness balances out my passion. We work together. It isn't that crazy intense love I had before but it is better for it. But if I told him this all he would hear was yes and it would hurt him as he wouldn't understand that i am so much happier with him

@mongwyn

I know I should never have asked the question . Bit now it's all I can think of and I want to ask it again but I know that's a huge mistake

He refused to answer. That was absolutely his right, and I'd do the same, even if it was my present partner that I loved most.

He can't win. If he said no he'd hurt you. If he said yes, he'd be being disloyal to the relationship he had with his wife when they were happy.

And he might not even know the answer. Every relationship, every love is different. There is no system of measurement.

And FFS don't ask him again, or you'll drive him away. Actions like yours are incredibly self-destructive.

The person he was then loved his ex, the person he is now loves you. I have an exh who I loved intensely for a long time, but we changed in different ways and the love died. I’d never discount the fact that I loved him, but have absolutely no desire to be with him now, completely incompatible. Wait until you have two children and think about that question...

God what horrible responses you got on here. I don't know why multiple posters piled on to repeat the same stuff the first posters said.

Some people don't want to settle and they don't want to be settled for.
Some people might want to hear at some point in their relationship that they are so happy that they ended up with them, that they were the one, or that they never felt love like that before.

If the OP had heard anything resembling that or felt like he felt that way then chances are she would have never asked him the question in the first place.

There's clearly a backstory to the question!!!!! and it's not as simple as he has an ex wife!

Put it down to another fuck up of many (I'm sure we all fuck up sometimes) you know u shouldn't have asked. You are feeling inferior or insecure for some reason but really you know that probably has nothing to do with him. We love deeply , in different ways at different times of our lives. You know that. Just forget u ever asked; try to sort your emotions and love him and ur relationship. Its OK to asked that kind of crap when we need reassurance album its also OK for him not to respond (he did well) he knew there was no winnin answer, and now move on from the lil fuck up love. Judge ur relationship foot what it is. (I tell u my first love at 15 , where we only held hands, probably felt more intense than the relationship I had with some long term boyfriends in later life . life changes and perceptions too. Don't beat urself up about it. Just forget about It. Much love

Some people don't want to settle and they don't want to be settled for.
If he loved his ex passionately, and now has less passionate feelings as he's older and less impulsive, that doesn't mean he's settling for OP. It means he loves her in a different way. He doesn't have to quantify his love for either of them.

Some people might want to hear at some point in their relationship that they are so happy that they ended up with them, that they were the one, or that they never felt love like that before.
He must have thought that about his ex. Then they divorced. So he knows that however much you love someone, you have not "ended up with them". Why should he say he has never felt that love before, if he has? Do you mean that he should lie? Some people just don't like lying to the people closest to them.

Honestly it is an incredibly manipulative question to ask.

Dp is the love of my life there is no question , I have never had a relationship so close and equal , but exdh was the only man I married and the father of my DC. He will always hold a place in my heart as DC father. I don't compare levels of love. I don't regret meeting and marrying exdh but the relationship was nowhere near as good as it is with DP.

However if DP ever asked me this I'd be furious and question why he was trying to score points.

Get some help with your self esteem whilst I have every sympathy with it being hard it doesnt mean it's acceptable to use it to manipulate others.