You patronising fucking bitch....

[hopingtobedally]

If a male who was meant to love you came out with this ....what would you think?

As with all of these posts - actual transcripts would be so helpful for seeing the wood for the trees but story telling or relaying is always subjective

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp style.

Also what was said immediately beforehand and afterwards and whether he apologised profusely or split up with her once and for all.

End this relationship op. For both of your sakes.

@tantrumtraining

Thanks for that completely unnecessary explanation. I hope you're not a lawyer. Trying to keep some things vague to give yourself leeway in the future is useful when drafting contracts. As you were.

If she was being a bitch then why not call her one? The same as if a man was being a bastard, you all jump to call him one...definitely on MN anyway

How does that logic work? He felt she was being a bitch, so he's justified in calling her one? How about if he thinks she's fat? Or if he thinks she's scum? Or an utter cunt? What if he thinks she's as thick as pig shit and that she looks hideous? Would he be justified in saying that too? If you, as an adult, take issue with the behaviour of someone, you can tell them that without using personal insults. There's no excuse for calling anyone a fucking bitch.

I swear often, but I don't swear at people. The only time I did was at my abuser (shouted at him to 'just fuck off and leave me alone'), so I'd say that if it comes to a point where anyone is swearing at anyone, then nowadays I'd be out.

Relationships are supposed to be about love, care, trust and respect. So it's fine to say I'm patronising. But the rest of it is out of order.

I'm ok with being called an arse. Arse is unisex, so it doesn't have the misogynist connotations of 'bitch'. And I dunno, it doesn't seem to have venom in it.

@FourPlasticRings

If she was being a bitch then why not call her one? The same as if a man was being a bastard, you all jump to call him one...definitely on MN anyway

How does that logic work? He felt she was being a bitch, so he's justified in calling her one? How about if he thinks she's fat? Or if he thinks she's scum? Or an utter cunt? What if he thinks she's as thick as pig shit and that she looks hideous? Would he be justified in saying that too? If you, as an adult, take issue with the behaviour of someone, you can tell them that without using personal insults. There's no excuse for calling anyone a fucking bitch.

But it isn't about what he "thinks" if she was actually being a bitch then that's what she was....a bitch, so that's why he called her one , like I said in my original comment, if she wasn't bing a bitch, then he is completely out of order.

But it isn't about what he "thinks" if she was actually being a bitch then that's what she was....a bitch

Bitch is an entirely subjective term. Unless you're talking about a female dog, no one is definitively a bitch. But let's ignore that and take your premise as read. What if she is definitely overweight- can he call her a fat cow, justifiably? What if she definitely made an error in judgement- can he justifiably call her a fucking imbecile? Where's the line? Or isn't there one?

Going off on a bit of a tangent but I grew up with aggressive brothers (who became more abusive after my gentle dad passed away) and in the back of my mind, there's the thought that if I 'provoke' a man by swearing or shouting, he might hit me.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm wary of swearing myself, perhaps even unconsciously at times, because of the potential consequences, whereas men don't really have that fear with women, they can swear with physical impunity.

@FourPlasticRings

But it isn't about what he "thinks" if she was actually being a bitch then that's what she was....a bitch

Bitch is an entirely subjective term. Unless you're talking about a female dog, no one is definitively a bitch. But let's ignore that and take your premise as read. What if she is definitely overweight- can he call her a fat cow, justifiably? What if she definitely made an error in judgement- can he justifiably call her a fucking imbecile? Where's the line? Or isn't there one?

Yes...I feel they can. If someone is a murderer or a rapist, then that's what they are. If you don't want to be called an insult, don't purposefully do something to be called it.

Yes...I feel they can. If someone is a murderer or a rapist, then that's what they are. If you don't want to be called an insult, don't purposefully do something to be called it.

So, being overweight is akin to being a rapist, to your mind? Interesting. And any flaws any person has can justifiably be used by their romantic partner as a verbal weapon? Not quite sure what to say to that revelation tbh! To my mind, a respectful relationship doesn't look like that at all, but if you enjoy it like that, fair enough. I'd suggest double-checking that you're not actually verbally abusing your partner though.

@FourPlasticRings

Yes...I feel they can. If someone is a murderer or a rapist, then that's what they are. If you don't want to be called an insult, don't purposefully do something to be called it.

So, being overweight is akin to being a rapist, to your mind? Interesting. And any flaws any person has can justifiably be used by their romantic partner as a verbal weapon? Not quite sure what to say to that revelation tbh! To my mind, a respectful relationship doesn't look like that at all, but if you enjoy it like that, fair enough. I'd suggest double-checking that you're not actually verbally abusing your partner though.

Read it again....I said purposefully do something. Get called a name for any other reason is out of order

@honeygirlz you are incorrect. Trying to keep some things vague to give yourself leeway in the future is useful when drafting contracts contracts have to be clear and certain to be enforceable.

I can't believe people think there needs to be context here.

Even if someone is being patronising, there are ways of asking someone not to do that without calling them a bitch. That type of language isn't acceptable in a relationship.

@FrustratinglyFrustrated

I said, 'Bitch is an entirely subjective term. Unless you're talking about a female dog, no one is definitively a bitch. But let's ignore that and take your premise as read. What if she is definitely overweight- can he call her a fat cow, justifiably? What if she definitely made an error in judgement- can he justifiably call her a fucking imbecile?'

You replied, 'Yes...I feel they can.' Then went off on a tangent about murderers.

So you can see why my take-home was that you feel name calling is permissible whenever it's accurate. Ultimately, though, bitch/cunt are subjective. He may have felt she was being a bitch, but it's not a concrete label. Once you start feeling entitled to call someone a bitch, you start down a road that at worst, can lead straight to abuse and at best is incredibly disrespectful and has no place in a loving relationship. Whether someone is behaving like a bitch or not is open to interpretation (unless they're whelping a litter of puppies).

@tantrumtraining

@honeygirlz you are incorrect. Trying to keep some things vague to give yourself leeway in the future is useful when drafting contracts contracts have to be clear and certain to be enforceable.

Oh tantrum. It's a good job you don't do my job.

What was the original question?

@honeygirlz I can assure you that what I have said is correct. If your contracts include agreements to agree or vague terms, no I wouldn't be doing your job!! Not that it is relevant to this thread....

@timelymanor The OP wanted to know if a man who loved a woman would ever call the woman a "patronising fucking bitch" I think.

I can't believe people think there needs to be context here.

Well, if she’d just called him a ficking dick, that would have changed things a bit wouldn’t it?

Whatever happened here, the relationship sounds toxic. This isn’t the only thread the op has posted.

@PurpleDaisies but we know she didn't call him a fucking dick. We have context.

@tantrumtraining - I can't provide examples as it would be unprofessional, so let's agree to disagree. Suffice to day, our contracts are legal and above board.

but we know she didn't call him a fucking dick. We have context.

People have been criticising anyone asking for context. Plenty of those were before the op posted more detail about what happened.

I can't believe people think there needs to be context here.
So it wouldn't matter if the op said sweetheart don't jiggle the baby, I just fed her or shouted are you a fucking idiot or what, don't jiggle the baby when I've just fed her, twat ? I think if you want to know how to take his reply, knowing what he was responding to is fairly critical, even if you good leave the first time your partner swore back at you

Vile language. I would dump.

No wonder so many women are single if one instance of being called a name means LTB. Zero tolerance for a person being human and losing their temper once

I’m married- my husband has managed never to call me a fucking bitch EVER in 10+ years and I’m really annoying! Now he’s either some kind of miraculous male unicorn or maybe, just maybe, he actually respects me.

I think it’s no wonder so many women on MN are in shitty relationships if being called a Fcking bitch is just accepted as normal behaviour from men 🤷‍♀️

Bitch is an entirely subjective term. Unless you're talking about a female dog, no one is definitively a bitch. But let's ignore that and take your premise as read. What if she is definitely overweight- can he call her a fat cow, justifiably? What if she definitely made an error in judgement- can he justifiably call her a fucking imbecile

Exactly! For all the people saying well maybe she was being a bitch, if she ate too much chocolate cake would it also be acceptable for her husband to call her a fcking pig? Or a fcking whale? After all, maybe she was acting like a pig, right?

The moment you say insults like this are acceptable is the moment you start on a very slippery slope into horrible insults and humiliating or denigrating someone by calling them names. This is exactly the kind of behaviour that abusers engage in. So, whilst saying it once might not make you an abuser, getting into a habit of doing this regularly is most certainly abusive in my mind.