You patronising fucking bitch....

[hopingtobedally]

If a male who was meant to love you came out with this ....what would you think?

@Russellbrandshair
Again, I’ve never said that swearing names at each other is normal. You keep repeating that as I’ve said it’s normal when I’ve repeatedly said it’s not fucking normal.

My point is that a handful of times in the heat of a lost temper, say once for every ten years of marriage is not abuse and not a reason by itself to end the marriage. The fact that you think calling someone a “fucking patronising bitch/bastard” once is “abuse” and should “never happen” is frankly a ridiculously high and unrealistic expectation for most people.

And yes, at 15yrs you’re not a newly wed, but you’ve not been married a long time either. I note too, you specified you’ve never been called a “fucking bitch” so have you ever been called something else? Because vast majority of people do slip up at least once in an argument when under great stress and call their partner something nasty.

Again, it my opinion that it is not normal AND not abuse when rare

There's a huge difference between never and regularly and also between saying it in anger and saying it in jest, as part of how to talk to each other.

DH and I call each other names frequently - muppet, tit, twat, wanker, dickhead BUT never ever in anger, or during an argument etc.

I am not defending what he said but But the impression I get is that the OP's DP was gaslighting her and couldn't cope with the fact that she was able to stand up to him I am not defending him calling her a bitch, but I don't think saying "I want to be with you forever but at the same time I don't think this is going to work" is gaslighting. 'Here we go again' sounds more to me in this context like not this again' I agree but at the same time, isn't that quite a rude thing to say to someone - like saying "you have said it before and I didn't think it was important/relevant the first time"?

I agreed with your other post though, giving examples about abusive vs not abusive.

Just to explain what I said about "I want to be with you forever but at the same time I don't think this is going to work" I think you can love someone and be destroyed at the thought of finishing with them yet at the same time know that the relationship won't work. For example you can be attracted to certain things about someone and fall in love and plan a future but if then other characteristics show up such as that person consistently lies or drinks too much or takes drugs (not talking about the OP here obviously, just examples) you can also recognise that it isn't going to work.

And yes, at 15yrs you’re not a newly wed, but you’ve not been married a long time either. I note too, you specified you’ve never been called a “fucking bitch” so have you ever been called something else

No I have never been called a cursory name by my husband in 15 years. You seem to be desperate for this to happen by telling me I haven’t been married that long. 15 years is plenty of time. If my husband was going to call me names I’m pretty sure it would have cropped up by now, after 15 years. We’ve been married 15 years but together as a couple for even longer! I’m surprised you think 15 years isn’t very long. If I said lockdown was going to last 15 years I suspect you’d then find it extremely long!

Anyway, aside from that I think it’s abundantly clear not just from my own situation but also many many others who have posted in this thread that yes, it is perfectly possible not to call your partner childish names during fights.

As someone mentioned up thread, if you can avoid calling your boss a bitch or a dick head then why on earth can’t you do it for the person you are supposed to love most in the world?! 🙄