You patronising fucking bitch....

[hopingtobedally]

If a male who was meant to love you came out with this ....what would you think?

“Patronising fucking bitch” sounds very OTT in response to “here we go again” - and also the incorrect use of the word. How is that patronising? Passive aggressive and dismissive maybe.

It does sound like he has anger issues to get so riled so quickly and easily. If he’s messing you around about whether he likes you enough to stay with you or not and then calling you names when you voice your annoyance I would doubt he’s a good catch, but that’s for you to decide.

My DP of 20 years has never ever called me a name in our history, I’ve never heard him call any woman a bitch. We’re not perfect and argue sometimes but he never puts me down. He’s a very secure man though.

Are you any further forward in how you feel about your relationship, OP?

@xsquared Because you said...."you are not in a healthy relationship", maybe you should have added "OP" at the end of that non addressed comment?

When challenging a complete contradiction he had just said for instance (not what was actually said) 'I want to be with you forever' and in the next breathe 'this will never work'
My reply 'oh here we go again'

If someone called me a "patronising fucking bitch" I would be really upset. I wouldn't mind being called patronising if I was being patronising. Or even being told I was being a bitch or a dick if that was true. But a combination of all those words together would really hurt me. And I would assume he didn't like me anymore.

OP, the statements you give in your example are not contradictory, are you aware of that? I would find your "oh here we go again" in that context to be patronising and in any context to be very, very invaliding.

Jesus I feel sorry for the people who “need more context”. Raise your standards.
The thing is I would simply respond by "who the fuck do you think you are speaking to". We rarely argue but it isn't that bug of a deal. OP was being condescending by saying 'hear we go again'. Or maybe she wasn't but if we don't have full info we can only comment on what we do have?

A man called me an ignorant bitch once. He was also an abusive bastard. I left.

[quote FrustratinglyFrustrated]@xsquared Because you said...."you are not in a healthy relationship", maybe you should have added "OP" at the end of that non addressed comment?[/quote]
But I did not mention you either though did I? I think OP would know that most of these comments are about her situation.

@MonkeyToesOfDoom

And yet the OP chose the first sentence as her example of what was said, not yours.

So?
She clearly states it isn't what was said..
She embellished and made up an example. You've gone off half cocked based on half the story from half the people in the situation.

Oh you want his side of the story? Why dont you hop off over to reddit plenty of incels people over there who think calling women 'fucking bitches' is not a problem.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

I think a number of other factors need to be in consideration here.

If it was a relationship of many years, shared house/finances/children then I'd be prepared to put in some work to improve our communication skills (but both of us would have to accept that the work was needed)

If it was a short-lived thing with not much history or committment then TBH I'd see it as a clear sign that we weren't suited, if we were arguing about the same subject to the point where I was eye-rolling and being dismissive and they were calling me a bitch. Life's way too short for that shit.

What she said.

[quote WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo]gaslighting
manipulate (someone) by psychological means into doubting their own sanity

From OPs response (here we go again) this is not the first time this abusive man has espoused his love then seconds later refuted it. Shifting sands, never knowing where your stand, being called a fucking patronising bitch for daring to even say this isnt the first time you have done this to me. Whats the purpose of reacting like this? To intimidate your partner into never speaking back again.

If you defend this, you either have never been in an abusive relationship or you are an abuser trying to justify your own behaviour.

HTH!

Read this OP if you havent already: www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that-pdf#page=237[/quote]
Well, no, it doesn't help at all, because OP stated ...for instance (not what was actually said).

Why are you inventing a story OP has not told us?

If you defend this, you either have never been in an abusive relationship or you are an abuser trying to justify your own behaviour.

ODFOD. I am not defending anything, but you pretending OP has said things she has not to back up your argument is, well, gaslighting, isn't it?

Bottom line is. Your comment in my opinion was really very patronising and his comment was really insulting = you're terribly together and for each other.

Whatyagonnado?

@xsquared no, but you did say in reply to my quoted comment.

[quote FrustratinglyFrustrated]@xsquared no, but you did say in reply to my quoted comment. [/quote]
If it puts your mind at rest at all, it was clear to me that xsquared was talking to the OP.

Passive aggressive comments push my buttons, I'd have said the same as your OH. .

It sounds as if neither of you felt validated and supported. You both felt under pressure. You reacted in a more contained way and he in a more explosive way.

How do you both behave with other people? Is there often conflict in your relationship?

I'm not sure it's possible to say more without such information.

Thank you @Iwalkinmyclothing.

@Iwalkinmyclothing

I quoted exactly what the OP used as her example of what was said. That is all she gave us and why would you assume she is lying about it being parallel to what was actually said. What am I inventing? What is your agenda in minimizing this?

Oh you want his side of the story? Why dont you hop off over to reddit plenty of incels people over there who think calling women 'fucking bitches' is not a problem.

And there's plenty of people on this thread that are happy to call a man a cunt and abuser without knowing the full story..

There's a difference between calling out behaviour, and calling someone names.

"Stop being so fucking patronising" - calling out behaviour
"You patronising fucking bitch" - being insulting and rude

The latter is not okay.

@MonkeyToesOfDoom

And yet the OP chose the first sentence as her example of what was said, not yours.

So?
She clearly states it isn't what was said..
She embellished and made up an example. You've gone off half cocked based on half the story from half the people in the situation.

So according to you the OP has "embellished... and made up" her story.

And I have gone off "half-cocked" for actually believing her and that her example well described what happened. And of course for quoting her exactly instead of making up my own scenario.

I dont even know where to begin with that logic.

TBH, it's impossible to judge having been given a made up version of half the story and no background 🤷🏻‍♀️

No-one calls me a bitch and remains my friend. (You can replace bitch with cunt/whore/whatever). I'm not friends with people who are rude to me.

Whilst my friends like me... my bf (/DH) to likes me even more ;) So no, I wouldn't ever expect him to call me hurtful names. And honestly, he never has. And I've never called him hurtful names.

Why would you want to be in a relationship with, or even be friends with, someone who called you a 'fucking bitch'?

wellIwas not to be a patronising fucking bitch but you ok hun? do you need a cuddle?

Anyone who uses this sort of language would not be welcome in my life.

He didnt come here asking for help. She did.

I am truly sorry for anyone who feels that being called a fucking bitch by the person who is supposed to love you is ok, really I am.

But that doesn't mean its actually ok, or good advice to give other people.