You patronising fucking bitch....

[hopingtobedally]

If a male who was meant to love you came out with this ....what would you think?

Is this more arguing about how he doesn't want to have sex as often as you do?

@honeygirlz

You’re both coming across as quite aggressive and uncaring from the information you’ve posted.

Do you have examples of how OP appears uncaring and aggressive?

“Here we go again” standard phrase for passive aggressive people who generally don’t value the views of others.

If I was having an emotional conversation/argument with someone and they dismissed my heartfelt words with ‘oh here we go again’ I would think they were a patronising fucking bitch/bastard. It seems an appropriate response to a patronising put down.

@honeygirlz

Isn't the context that he is telling OP he wants to spend forever with her and in the next breath saying it will never work? Followed up with a nice dose of abuse when OP challenges him.

In which case, yeah, not good and I would be questioning the relationship, with a view to ending it.

Depends on the context and whether I thought I was being a patronising bitch

This.

I’ve never been with anyone who’s spoken to me like that.
Maybe I go for men with more respect for me or maybe I’m not a patronising bitch.

it depends on whether you were being one. Who knows if you hadn't been calling him similar names as part of the relationship. who knows if you hadn't belittled and humiliated him and this was his end of the road reaction.

with no context how can anyone say what is and isnt reasonable?

“Here we go again” standard phrase for passive aggressive people who generally don’t value the views of others

Is it? or might it just be the tired and exasperated response of someone who can see that their partner is about to start going over something they've banged on about endlessly before? Because it could well be my response to my DH, when he's in one of his anxiety induced spirals. I do indeed love him and respect his views, but after months of the same old stuff it can get hard not to sound a bit weary and snappish sometimes.

I'd think....you're both terrible communicators or will never solve the issue because the core of all your issues is bad communication?

Am I right?

@hopingtobedally

When challenging a complete contradiction he had just said for instance (not what was actually said) 'I want to be with you forever' and in the next breathe 'this will never work' My reply 'oh here we go again'

Oh so it was in response to you calling him out on gaslighting. He is toxic, bin him.

Gaslighting.......

Hahahahahaaaaaaaa ! As if you get that from him having what appears to be a contradicting thought about his feelings 😆 I swear MN has lost its mind in the last few years!!

For those who would ltb for saying fucking bitch, do you have a line or is it zero tolerance? Silly cow? Idiot?

Zero tolerance. No name calling at all, on either side. DH would also be incredibly unimpressed if I called him a name. Would I end a marriage over a one off incident? No. I'm of the, 'Mend it, don't end it',' school of thought with regard to marriage. But it bloody well wouldn't happen again. Would I dump a boyfriend over it? Yes, absolutely.

Was it justified? As in, Was the woman being a patronising fucking bitch? If the woman said or did something nice and the man responded with "oh, what a sweetheart you are" , That would be ok. That has to be the same as the woman being patronising and being called out on it.

If the woman didn't do anything to warrant the comment, then he is being a dickhead and she needs to put him right or leave.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo

hopingtobedally
When challenging a complete contradiction he had just said for instance (not what was actually said) 'I want to be with you forever' and in the next breathe 'this will never work'
My reply 'oh here we go again'

Oh so it was in response to you calling him out on gaslighting.
He is toxic, bin him.

How is that gaslighting? OP was clear she used that as an example, not actual words. Another example would be "I want to work towards passing my accountancy exams"... "I really can't see how I will ever manage to pass my accountancy exams". Or, "I want to retire at 55 and spend my days painting."... "I just don't think I will ever be able to retire." That's hardly gaslighting.

Was it justified? As in, Was the woman being a patronising fucking bitch?

Doesn't matter. You can call someone out by saying, 'You're being really patronising,' without calling them a bitch.

I would think you both need to calm down and take a breath. Were you being a tiny bit patronizing ? I rarely argue with DH but sometimes i can see if he does have a flash point , that i may have been a pain. I think we also need some context ( has he been out of work or extremely stressed) Sometimes we get most outraged when we(I) know we may be a bit in the wrong and its a defense mechanism.

@FourPlasticRings

Was it justified? As in, Was the woman being a patronising fucking bitch?

Doesn't matter. You can call someone out by saying, 'You're being really patronising,' without calling them a bitch.

Quite.

He doesn't need to resort to calling you names.
You are not in a healthy relationship.

gaslighting
manipulate (someone) by psychological means into doubting their own sanity

From OPs response (here we go again) this is not the first time this abusive man has espoused his love then seconds later refuted it. Shifting sands, never knowing where your stand, being called a fucking patronising bitch for daring to even say this isnt the first time you have done this to me. Whats the purpose of reacting like this? To intimidate your partner into never speaking back again.

If you defend this, you either have never been in an abusive relationship or you are an abuser trying to justify your own behaviour.

HTH!

Read this OP if you havent already: www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that-pdf#page=237

@Iwalkinmyclothing

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo

hopingtobedally
When challenging a complete contradiction he had just said for instance (not what was actually said) 'I want to be with you forever' and in the next breathe 'this will never work'
My reply 'oh here we go again'

Oh so it was in response to you calling him out on gaslighting.
He is toxic, bin him.

How is that gaslighting? OP was clear she used that as an example, not actual words. Another example would be "I want to work towards passing my accountancy exams"... "I really can't see how I will ever manage to pass my accountancy exams". Or, "I want to retire at 55 and spend my days painting."... "I just don't think I will ever be able to retire." That's hardly gaslighting.

These are good examples. And as OP hasn't clarified, let's extrapolate a little.

"I really want to be an accountant...
... But I just don't know how it'll happen"

"Oh here we go again"

So in that scenario it sounds like the man has spoken of these plans regularly and the woman is sick of hearing it and voices it with an unhelpful comment.

Flip those genders... A woman says something and the man says oh here we go again and the woman calls him a cunt..

Should he leave her?

From OPs response (here we go again) this is not the first time this abusive man has espoused his love then seconds later refuted it.

Red ops message again... Where she clearly says that isn't what was actually said..

Hth

@xsquared Why am I not in a healthy relationship? My partner has never called me a bitch, or any other names for that matter !?!?

@FourPlasticRings If she was being a bitch then why not call her one? The same as if a man was being a bastard, you all jump to call him one...definitely on MN anyway

@MonkeyToesOfDoom

From OPs response (here we go again) this is not the first time this abusive man has espoused his love then seconds later refuted it.

Red ops message again... Where she clearly says that isn't what was actually said..

Hth

"I love you,... actually I dont"

Is patently different to

I want to be an accountant,... actually I dont"

And yet the OP chose the first sentence as her example of what was said, not yours.

He must feel you take the piss and you're incompatible. Let him go.

And yet the OP chose the first sentence as her example of what was said, not yours.

So?
She clearly states it isn't what was said..
She embellished and made up an example. You've gone off half cocked based on half the story from half the people in the situation.

[quote FrustratinglyFrustrated]@xsquared Why am I not in a healthy relationship? My partner has never called me a bitch, or any other names for that matter !?!?[/quote]
I meant OP wasn't in a healthy relationship.

Not sure why you think I meant you.