You patronising fucking bitch....

[hopingtobedally]

If a male who was meant to love you came out with this ....what would you think?

@Russellbrandshair

No one is saying anyone should accept being called a fucking bitch as normal behaviour from a partner.

As I said, there is a big grey area from saying things like that regularly versus never, not once. And to end, say a 20yr marriage with four children because you’ve been called a “fucking bitch” for the first time ever is stupid and intolerant.

It is normal in long term marriage for either partner to lose their temper a few, a handful of times and say something nasty to the other. To say that it should never happen is unrealistic

I’d never be in a relationship where this was normal behaviour. Calling each other names is not my cup of tea

To say that it should never happen is unrealistic

Well we’ve managed it so there you go- it’s utter rubbish. If it was impossible no one would ever manage it yet miraculously many people in this thread say they also manage it too!

Have you ever called a young child or a toddler a fcking bitch? Even when you were angry with them for being naughty? No, didn’t think so. Think about why that is. People CAN practice self control when they really want to. The fact is, when relationships lose respect people no longer want to.

Have you ever called a young child or a toddler a fcking bitch? Even when you were angry with them for being naughty? No, didn’t think so. Think about why that is. People CAN practice self control when they really want to. The fact is, when relationships lose respect people no longer want to.

Excellent point, well made.

No wonder so many women are single if one instance of being called a name means LTB. Zero tolerance for a person being human and losing their temper once

I have red lines, and being called a bitch is one of them. It is possible to lose your temper yet not call others derogatory names. I certainly managed it over a 30 year relationship. My ex, however, is history.

That's because it comes down to respect, always. If you respect people, you can lose your temper yet not subject them to name calling.

When the nasty names creep in, then it's time to take a good look at the relationship. The nasty names are, to me, a sign that respect has disappeared.

No wonder so many women are single if one instance of being called a name means LTB. Zero tolerance for a person being human and losing their temper once
Exactly

This thread has really separated out abusive people and non abusive people.

People argue and call each other names when they're angry doesn't make them abusive.

People argue and call each other names when they're angry doesn't make them abusive calling people names is prima facie abusive, I think, as is making things personal, personal attacks. You can stay respectful and kind even if you completely disagree and you are angry with someone. I wouldn't want a relationship with someone who couldn't argue without name calling. A non abusive person can argue furiously about something without name calling or making it personal.

I think that there is also a difference between saying someone is behaving like a dick (if that person doesn't mind that ie I don't, if I am being a dick) as opposed to calling someone a dick (I woudl mind being called a dick). I think also that in exceptional circs I might forgive someone namecalling if they immediately took responsibility and apologised for their behaviour and if it never happened again.

Context, in the heat of an argument, I could say worse to my DH, 20 minutes later It Could all be forgotten, some arguments are tougher than others.

That makes no sense....Someone can say you're behaving like a dick, when you're actually being a dick but can't call you a dick...

The last poster made an important point, in my experience it’s mainly pretty savvy intelligent people who can argue ferociously, stay on point and make a point without resorting to personal abuse or puerile name calling. I’m afraid I’m Judging this by some of the families you see out and about and it’s a certain kind of family or person that finds it acceptable to get very ‘eastenders’ and call each other abusive names, especially in public. If anyone called me a bitch and not in a ‘ooh you bitch’ jokey way, unless it was an absolute one off in private then they wouldn’t know what hit them

Tara don't leave us hanging what would you do....get Eastenders.....

It is possible to lose your temper yet not call others derogatory names. I certainly managed it over a 30 year relationship.

You must be a flawless angel then, the rest of us are only human.

@Russellbrandshair

To say that it should never happen is unrealistic

Well we’ve managed it so there you go- it’s utter rubbish. If it was impossible no one would ever manage it yet miraculously many people in this thread say they also manage it too!

Have you ever called a young child or a toddler a fcking bitch? Even when you were angry with them for being naughty? No, didn’t think so. Think about why that is. People CAN practice self control when they really want to. The fact is, when relationships lose respect people no longer want to.

Ah, a newlywed.

Ah, a newlywed

Huh? I’ve been married since 2006, what are you talking about?!

in my experience it’s mainly pretty savvy intelligent people who can argue ferociously, stay on point and make a point without resorting to personal abuse or puerile name calling

Yes! Spot on. I’ve noticed this too!

I called my DH a patronising fuck the other day ,
Because he was being a patronising fuck 🤷🏼‍♀️

@MonkeyToesOfDoom

Is the woman being a patronising bitch?

Of a woman called a man a fucking dickhead when he was being a dickhead is that okay?

Context is key and knee jerk reactions from people that weren't there are unlikely.to help clarify anything.

Hear hear

I guess it depends what your normal day to day behaviour is like, and are those insults quite common? My ex used to say I was patronising and swore a lot but he was also abusive too. If any man said this to me, we would be done and dusted. Anyone who respects you wouldn't say that. That said, if you are the kind of couple who trade insults etc and it doesn't bother you generally, then it's just another day I guess.

Ah, a newlywed

I feel sorry for you. I've been married for a long time and my DH and I never call each other names. I would be horrified if he called me a bitch just because we were arguing. I can't even imagine him doing it.

People who say that every couple swears and calls each other names in the "heat of the moment" just think that because it's all that they've known. There are plenty of couples out there who are never abusive to each other and manage to disagree on things without it descending into vile insults.

I feel sorry for you. I've been married for a long time and my DH and I never call each other names. I would be horrified if he called me a bitch just because we were arguing. I can't even imagine him doing it

Right? I love how she assumes I must be a newlywed purely on the basis my husband has never called me a fcking bitch during an argument!

Sorry to disappoint you but he never has and it’s been 15 years. I feel really sad for you if you think this is normal

Again, I want to agree with all the people who don't call eachother horrible names - my ex-husband and I had plenty of arguments, especially when we were divorcing, but not one name was called.

I love the analogy with the way we treat children - as that poster said you wouldn't call a child a 'fucking bitch'.

It also helps to relate it to a work environment - would you call someone at work a 'fucking bitch'?

Why would you treat someone you are sharing your life with worse than someone you work with? I hated my ex-husband at times, but I still respected that he was a decent person.

As others have said, when the name-calling and swearing at eachother starts, then that respect has gone.

I agree that it is sad when this people don't see this.

And I tell you something else, I would 100 per cent prefer to be single for the rest of my days than ever be called a bitch by a partner. No-one should accept poor behaviour just for the supposed 'prize' of being in a relationship.

I find it shocking how many people say they'd leave without knowing any context. Is this a one off or a multiple times. Have you really upset him? Is it out of character?

^This. My DH has sworn at me once during our 18 years together. It was only a few weeks after his dad had been killed in a car accident and I had been having a go at him. (My DSis was going through a divorce from an abusive marriage so I was feeling the stress myself.)

His outburst was completely out of character and he was mortified afterwards. That isn't abuse. My DSis's ex spoke to her that way constantly and was physically abusive as well. The two are really not the same at all.

But the impression I get is that the OP's DP was gaslighting her and couldn't cope with the fact that she was able to stand up to him. 'Here we go again' sounds more to me in this context like not this again'.

I'm not sure how I would react to being called a 'bitch', now I think about it. That's not just swearing, it's a very misogynistic term of derision and it would be difficult to forgive. (My DH didn't call me that.)