You patronising fucking bitch....

[hopingtobedally]

If a male who was meant to love you came out with this ....what would you think?

I'd think the woman had been a fucking patronizing bitch to be fair. Does nobody on mumsnet swear in real life or what?

I dont even know where to begin with that logic.

No, you evidently fail to grasp logic. I'll leave you to it. May want to work on it tho. Logic is pretty useful.

@MonkeyToesOfDoom

I dont even know where to begin with that logic.

No, you evidently fail to grasp logic. I'll leave you to it. May want to work on it tho. Logic is pretty useful.

Responds with an ad hominem and a straw man and to a post about logic, the irony! Hilarious

Responds with an ad hominem and a straw man and to a post about logic, the irony! Hilarious

Please do explain those to the class. Without copy and pasting wiki.
I'll wait..

I find it shocking how many people say they'd leave without knowing any context. Is this a one off or a multiple times. Have you really upset him? Is it out of character.

To say you'll leave someone for one comment without any other context is completely insane. If it is a pattern then yes but not a one off comment said in anger.

@SoupDragon

TBH, it's impossible to judge having been given a made up version of half the story and no background 🤷🏻‍♀️

Exactly! I think too many on here are projecting. He may be an abusive bastard or he may have just lost his temper when OP was being patronising, no one knows. OP hasn't given us enough info but just wound us up and let us go.

@SoupDragon

Not at all. That was an example, not what was actually said.

Maybe OP change it up so as not to be outing, but the point stands, He indicates he wants to be with her and in the next breath indicates he wants to break up. He is playing games with her.

[quote WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo]@Iwalkinmyclothing

I quoted exactly what the OP used as her example of what was said. That is all she gave us and why would you assume she is lying about it being parallel to what was actually said. What am I inventing? What is your agenda in minimizing this?[/quote]
What on earth are you an about? "....assume she is lying"... what? You make more crap up every time you post. OP has not made any such statements about the example she gave, so that is an invention on your part, as is your weird assertion that I am assuming she is lying.

From OPs response (here we go again) this is not the first time this abusive man has espoused his love then seconds later refuted it. Shifting sands, never knowing where your stand, being called a fucking patronising bitch for daring to even say this isnt the first time you have done this to me. Whats the purpose of reacting like this? To intimidate your partner into never speaking back again.

You invented all of that. OP said none of it. You said it all.

My 'agenda' is that I disagree with you and think you are basing your answers on information that has not been given by OP. Please stop trying to imply I have some sort of sinister motive, it's an unpleasant way to try and win an argument. For someone so concerned about manipulation of facts and wanting to shut people down with unkind accusations, you're doing plenty of it yourself.

Maybe OP change it up so as not to be outing

There is no maybe whatsoever - she clearly stated it's not what was said!

He indicates he wants to be with her and in the next breath indicates he wants to break up

You have no idea whether that is what he said given the OP says she it made up.

You’d be walking in eggshells if under threat of divorce at first nasty comment just for being human and losing your temper once in the decades, half century long term of marriage.

I don't think it's walking on eggshells to avoid calling someone a bitch or a bastard. I used to work as a call handler. Calls were recorded and although callers could be incredibly rude to us (they called us, we did not cold call them), responding by being rude back could result in disciplinary action, up to the point of being sacked. It's amazing the self control you can muster when you're being recorded and the stakes are high.

Thing is, what you realise is that you are capable of that level of self control when you're not being recorded and the stakes don;t seem to be as high. It's a choice to lash out, although you may not admit this at the time. My parents have been married for over 50 years but the marriage has deteriorated over the last 20 due to my dad's alcoholism. My mum says some dreadful things to my dad and in a way I don't blame her, because of the stress he puts her under. But I also think their marriage should have ended long ago.

I wouldn't end a long lasting marriage over one comment - but I'd want both sides to be doing a lot of work to fix things if communication was as bad as the OP describes.

@Bells3032

I find it shocking how many people say they'd leave without knowing any context. Is this a one off or a multiple times. Have you really upset him? Is it out of character.

To say you'll leave someone for one comment without any other context is completely insane. If it is a pattern then yes but not a one off comment said in anger.

It's because in my experience people rarely call you a nasty name (one that is a misogynistic word to boot) as a one off. It can be the start of an abusive relationship and not many people want to wait around to find out if that's what is going to happen.

My abusive ex called me a bitch first, then it escalated and soon I was a cunt. I wish I'd left on the first occasion he said something nasty and I would definitely leave if my partner called me a bitch.

@SoupDragon

She didn't say she made it up. She gave an example and it sounds like she paraphrased what he said.

Not sure why you would say she made it up.

[quote honeygirlz]@SoupDragon

She didn't say she made it up. She gave an example and it sounds like she paraphrased what he said.

Not sure why you would say she made it up.[/quote]
She said "not what was actually said" those were her exact words. It wasn't what was said therefore she made up the words. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I called my husband a twat this morning. Should he leave me?

Probably.

I mean, what part of "not what was actually said" means "this is what he said"?

Context is completely irrelevant in this case. I would never be in any kind of relationship where my partner called me a bitch.

@Coldspringharbour

Context is completely irrelevant in this case. I would never be in any kind of relationship where my partner called me a bitch.

I'm really glad some of the people on here have standards.

I'd think I really wound him up to make him snap like that. Although I've also said some mean things in anger.

I don't think my DH would ever come out with something like that, maybe he would say I'm patronising or being a bitch. I'm much more likely to say something unforgivable.

It really depends on the personality and context but I wouldn't say it's definitely over, I think that's a personal choice. Only you know how he felt, said it and whether you feel it was provoked etc. You obviously find it bad enough to ask the question so I don't think you're going to be able to trust or forgive.

Bloody hell this thread escalated quickly, I feel like I'm at a dinner party where all the other couples are fighting in front of me and it's super awkward...

@Regularsizedrudy

Jesus I feel sorry for the people who “need more context”. Raise your standards. If my partner thought I was being patronising then they can tell me that without calling me a fucking bitch. No one gets to speak to me like that and stay in my life.

Exactly. Calling your partner names like this is verbal abuse. Why are we asking for context, or saying it's ok.

It's never OK to abuse someone.

@strawberrymilkshakemonkey

really don't understand all the 'he'd be gone immediately' type comments. the op didn't provide much (any) context. what if they were acting like a patronising bitch? what if it was a heated argument where horrid things have been said both sides? it doesn't automatically make someone sexist. depending on the context it could've been a reasonable, albeit heated and unkind, response.

Nothing wrong with saying to someone "that comment sounded patronising" or " don't be patronising" or "stop patronising me" such... it's the "fucking bitch" bit that is objectionable!

Why are people focusing on the "patronising" part and not that fact that he called her something horrible.

The name calling is horrible and if it was a stable long term overall happy relationship it'd be really upsetting and you'd have to talk it through and sort it out because the bigger picture was on the whole ace but your arguing 'styles' were out of whack and then some but I get the feeling these two are none of that and it's an extremely antagonistic set up that's working for neither so you know, you get what you get.

As with all of these posts - actual transcripts would be so helpful for seeing the wood for the trees but story telling or relaying is always subjective.

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp style.

@SoupDragon yes because she paraphrased, she didn't make it up!

Never be a lawyer, nuance escapes you 🤦🏻‍♀️

Never be a lawyer, nuance escapes you
This is not the point of the thread, but in fact lawyers have to be quite exact with meaning and so they usually explain with words exactly whatever particular nuance they are thinking of is, so that everyone with a decent grasp of language is aware of the particular nuance they are thinking of. It is generally people who don't have sufficient vocab or grasp of a language who refer to loosely to "understanding nuances" because they can't explain with words what particular nuance(s) they are thinking of. If the "nuance" is too subtle and or isn't clear to most people then it becomes somewhat meaningless other than to the person who is thinking it. But even then, it wouldn't be clear whether or not it is in fact a nuance they were thinking of, or wrong thinking or misunderstanding on their part. Sorry, not the point of the thread though. As you were.