You patronising fucking bitch....

[hopingtobedally]

If a male who was meant to love you came out with this ....what would you think?

You’d be walking in eggshells if under threat of divorce at first nasty comment just for being human and losing your temper once in the decades, half century long term of marriage.

See, we lose our tempers at times but there is absolutely no need or excuse for name calling and personal insults, to my mind. The last time I threw an insult like that at anyone was as a teenager. I thought most people grew out of it?

@PurpleDaisies

*When challenging a complete contradiction he had just said for instance (not what was actually said) 'I want to be with you forever' and in the next breathe 'this will never work' My reply 'oh here we go again'*

What did you expect the response to “oh here we go again” to be? That sounds like someone wanting to start an argument.

Why are you two together?

you think 'you patronising fucking bitch' is a reasonable response????

Depends upon whether I was being a patronising bitch to him or not.

But the 'oh, here we go again' stuff is pathetic.

If I was trying to tell my husband what was wrong on areas I felt we need to address and he responded with “here we go again” I’d loose my shit at him if I’m honest.

Doesn’t matter either way, the relationship sounds over even before you started being nasty to each other.

I'm guessing in the context of a heated argument for those unsure
It's all very toxic and lacking respect when and if that's a regular occurrence
Bugger that!
And don't stoop

@FourPlasticRings

You’d be walking in eggshells if under threat of divorce at first nasty comment just for being human and losing your temper once in the decades, half century long term of marriage.

See, we lose our tempers at times but there is absolutely no need or excuse for name calling and personal insults, to my mind. The last time I threw an insult like that at anyone was as a teenager. I thought most people grew out of it?

Not everyone can refrain from swearing in the heat of an argument. I agree there is no need for name calling and it’s a bad way to argue, but when you live with anyone 24/7 for thirty years and counting, it’s going to happen a few times. I do mean very few, as in can count on your fingers the times. We’ve always apologised when we’ve calmed down. If one of us says something like that, we take it as time to disengage from the argument and go get space until we can be calm and talk rationally.

@FourPlasticRings

You’d be walking in eggshells if under threat of divorce at first nasty comment just for being human and losing your temper once in the decades, half century long term of marriage.

See, we lose our tempers at times but there is absolutely no need or excuse for name calling and personal insults, to my mind. The last time I threw an insult like that at anyone was as a teenager. I thought most people grew out of it?

I don't call DH names in temper. We call each other names just generally, like this morning he was giving me a gentle ribbing about something innocuous so I called him a twat, it was lovingly and jokingly. He might say "oooh you bitch" if I nick a chip off his plate - his tone and body language would make it clear this was not nasty, I would not feel offended or threatened. Last night, he passed me the fruit bowl instead of my phone, accidentally, unthinkingly and we both laughed and I called him an idiot.

Not everyone can refrain from swearing in the heat of an argument.

I didn't say swearing, I said personal insults. There's a difference between, 'Why am I always the one to put the fucking dishwasher on?!' and, 'You've not filled the dishwasher again, you lazy cow!' The latter is far worse, to my mind, despite the absence of swearing. It's to do with respect more than anything, and name calling is always a choice.

you think 'you patronising fucking bitch' is a reasonable response????

No, I didn’t say that. I wanted to know what the op thought he would say to “oh, here we go again...”

For those who would ltb for saying fucking bitch, do you have a line or is it zero tolerance? Silly cow? Idiot? If in a heated arguement your friend called their partner a dick, an arsehole, a fucking wanker would you agree their partner should break down 20 years of marriage, take the kids and leave, regardless of context?

Are you going to tell us more OP? No one can give you proper replies until you tell us more details, what was happening before?/is he always like this?/how long have you been together? etc etc.

How can people say their relationships will be over if we don't even know what was said from the other party?

I’m just saying that it is unreasonable to end a marriage on the basis of one incident of being called a “fucking patronising bitch”.

If it’s a regular occurrence to be called names like this, i do agree it would be reasonable to end the marriage.

But there is this massive middle area between never happening and happening often. To me, the never happening in a long and good marriage is naive, unrealistic and intolerant of our human frailties.

@Akea

Yeah, *@MoreListeningLessChatting*, I'm one of those. I call my DP names more often than I use his own name, (not to mention the punches he started receiving since I discovered boxing) and no, he doesn't get to do the same back!

So QQ away for the poor abused soul!

Tbh it sounds like he is and it sound totally different to a one off arguement where op was giving it back. You'll probably counter with its okay fighting, it's banter etc but I'd ask yourself if he enjoys it as much as you do

Verbal & emotional abuse are dealing breakers for me. Plus a male using language like that has an undertone of violence, I'd be thinking what's next? I would not accept that in my life. Life's too short.

It would depend, people use language differently. This could be said and regretted in an argument or could be something to say to "bring me down" like I cannot be right.
It would also be appropriate if I had just said something a bit hurtful and patronising.
Totally cannot say just based on this.

Well what came before, he wouldnt have just came out with it. I think there is some resentment, and what ever has said had hurt a bit

@SleepingStandingUp he finds it amusing...he's a 6ft3 former rugby player so I can break my wrists in his arms before he feels anything.
As for the curses, he's so into gaming that I have to tell him to do something 1000 times before he actually hears me and understands what I'm asking of him ( like wash the dishes or put ur dirty clothes away instead of leaving them everywhere).
But I don't constantly shout and curse, I do it after I alread told him something X many times and I snap in the end and then he does the chore and I'm right back to my happy mood.

What I wanted to point out actually is that I find it more serious when a man curses than the opposite because they have the physical strength to act upon their anger...so if he's already in that place where he starts calling you names it can be a small step to pushing you or other physical gestures if you keep answering back.
However, I see myself as a chihuahua barking at a rottweiler, he's in no danger regardless of how angry I am.

'you patronising fucking bitch' is not a proportional response to 'oh here we go again'.

Sounds like he's playing mind games with you OP. You are being unreasonable for staying with him and letting him do this to you.

I wouldn't put up with being called a bitch from someone I loved. If it was done in a jokey manner I would give them a pass and explain why it's pathetic and misogynistic. If it was in anger then there wouldn't be a second time.

Context.

Depends if you were being a patronising bitch.

I'm comfortable in my relationship (a few decades in) and we can do some accusations name calling. Doesn't make it a case for LTB.

Context and how you would usually speak to each other makes a huge difference.

I had an abusive partner, but only for a short time, any time I attempted to talk about anything “here we go again” would roll out. Its patronising, childish, passive aggressive and generallg used by people who aren’t interested in the views of someone else.

Equally, what he said is horrible.

You’re both coming across as quite aggressive and uncaring from the information you’ve posted.

Isn't the context that he is telling OP he wants to spend forever with her and in the next breath saying it will never work? Followed up with a nice dose of abuse when OP challenges him.

You’re both coming across as quite aggressive and uncaring from the information you’ve posted.

Do you have examples of how OP appears uncaring and aggressive?

@honeygirlz

Isn't the context that he is telling OP he wants to spend forever with her and in the next breath saying it will never work? Followed up with a nice dose of abuse when OP challenges him.

Not at all. That was an example, not what was actually said.