Husband spying on me?

[lemurllama]

There is so much to this I barely know where to start! I will try to keep it short though...

As we got up this morning, my 7 year old (who had come into our bed in the early hours) said that the lights on her dad's side of the bed had been annoying her last night. I said it was just the red light of the phone showing it was on charge, and she replied "no, it wasn't just the red one; there was a blue light and a green light too."

Once she'd left the room, I had a look and my husband has set up a spy camera. It's poking through a tiny hole in a photo frame and is plugged in by his side of the bed so must be either permanently filming, or possibly set up to record when I enter the room.

I feel sick. He clearly doesn't trust me (not that he has any reason not to) and feels like a huge invasion of my privacy. I come out of the shower and get dressed in that room. We have had problems recently but I just can't believe he'd stoop this low.

I don't know what to do next. I've looked online and it seems he's not actually breaking any laws because it's in our own home. Why would he do this though? He must know I've seen it because it would have picked up on me looking at it (and I assume it's probably linked to his phone in some way). At the moment I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life about this, so would like some good advice from you guys whilst I consider my next steps.

Thank you.

I can't imagine what he thought he would achieve through this? What sort of a disgusting dickhead think it's OK to install a camera to spy on their OH, one that gets rumbled by a 7 year old to boot? Did he really think you'd be OK with this when you realised it was there? OP I am just wondering, do you think this is the first time he's ever done anything like this to you?

Try and sleep OP and don’t feel you have to constantly update on here. Look after yourself and your daughter. Glad to hear you’ve got your parents with you but I think it highly unlikely he’ll be released back to his home address this evening, given the nature of the arrest.

Take care.

Glad you called the police OP.
Have they checked the house for any other devices , or spyware on your computer ?
I hope you manage to sleep , I am sure it helps that your parents are with you, this must be the most horrible shock.

Hope you are OK!

Glad you and daughter are safe and being looked after.

Glad your parents are staying with you.

Great work, @lemurllama . Hope you get a bit of well-earned sleep.

Sleep easy OP... you did the right thing for you and your Daughter 🌺

Hi OP. I'm not sure what area you are in but I would suggest if he isn't home by now then he will likely be given a call for the night and interviewed in the morning. Either way it's unlikely they will let him straight home again.

Hopefully you can get an injunction to stop him coming back, the police have 24 hours to charge him or release him. I hope they make it part of his bail conditions that he is not allowed near your property, he will have to send someone else for his belongings or the police may agree to be present for him to attend. While you have chance, look at any computers, tablets etc for apps to do with the cameras, get copies of his payslips, bank statements, pension plans etc. You may even be able to find the transaction from where he purchased the equipment & could look at their website for an idea if there are likely to be more cameras. You may not be the only victim, for all you know he could have placed cameras in his workplace in toilets or changing rooms. Tomorrow take your mobile phone to a phone shop & ask them to check for any hidden apps that may be tracking you, turn off your location so that he can't use find my phone to track you when he gets out. Get the locks changed in the morning & get window locks fitted if you don't already have them.

What a day you've had Lemur! It's good you've your parents there and that the police acted so efficiently. I hope you are as OK as possible to deal with what Tuesday throws at you.

Something I'd like to add is that the amazing forensic skills the police are meant to be able to access to check the contents of a phone are not all that they are believed to be if they haven't got the password. Of course, they can apply pressure to get the password.

But in the case of having an iphone of a deceased person, they can't crack it. Someone close died and the investigating officers very much wanted to read the messages on his phone but could not.

What wonderful parents you have! Amazing that they arrested the bastard!

*Stay strong, op". You will get through this and move on to a brilliant future. Get a solicitor asap, lean on friends and family, and move on.

Oh gosh you poor thing. That is so creepy. Your own husband doing this.... You must be in terrible shock and feeling so invaded. I don't know what to say, I'm just so shocked. I hope you get some answers as to why he did this and I hope you are able to overcome this. Your dd is amazing for spotting it and well done you for acting so quickly.

So glad you reported him. I know someone who’s husband did this. Turned out there were cameras all over the house. He got six months in prison and a permanent place on the sex offenders register

Wow, what a creep!

Well done on calling the police, it must have taken great strength.

Hope you are OK OP. I was late to the thread but I was going to say you should check for key tracker apps on your computers too as well as your mobile. It sounds as if he was trying to catch you at something and cameras may not be the only thing to consider - hopefully the police went over these things. You did amazingly well under pressure there.

Well done OP! Hope you got some rest last night and that you hear from the police about the next steps today.

Some good advice here re getting your phone checked out. Best of luck OP

Have the police searched you house for more devices?
I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
You have the whole of Mumsnet behind you

Be careful about changing the locks, you may find yourself in trouble if you do this. Speak to a solicitor first and get advice about it.

Great advice from posters. Stay strong x

Thoughts are with you op. For what it’s worth I think how quickly you acted on this is a huge indication of your strength x

I'd be confronting him at his workplace. Loudly enough for everyone to hear. He'd then not be coming home whilst I got things sorted. Involve the police if necessary.

What real life support do you have?

VeggieSausageRoll

RTFT or at least OP's updates.

Well done OP