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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband spying on me?

242 replies

lemurllama · 03/08/2020 12:26

There is so much to this I barely know where to start! I will try to keep it short though...

As we got up this morning, my 7 year old (who had come into our bed in the early hours) said that the lights on her dad's side of the bed had been annoying her last night. I said it was just the red light of the phone showing it was on charge, and she replied "no, it wasn't just the red one; there was a blue light and a green light too."

Once she'd left the room, I had a look and my husband has set up a spy camera. It's poking through a tiny hole in a photo frame and is plugged in by his side of the bed so must be either permanently filming, or possibly set up to record when I enter the room.

I feel sick. He clearly doesn't trust me (not that he has any reason not to) and feels like a huge invasion of my privacy. I come out of the shower and get dressed in that room. We have had problems recently but I just can't believe he'd stoop this low.

I don't know what to do next. I've looked online and it seems he's not actually breaking any laws because it's in our own home. Why would he do this though? He must know I've seen it because it would have picked up on me looking at it (and I assume it's probably linked to his phone in some way). At the moment I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life about this, so would like some good advice from you guys whilst I consider my next steps.

Thank you.

OP posts:
howfarwevecome · 03/08/2020 19:57

Wow! That was fast action by the police!

Get legal advice about how to prevent him from worming his way back in and make all contact go through your solicitor.

thecognoscenti · 03/08/2020 20:04

Bloody hell. I hope you're ok, OP. You must feel very shaken up. I'm so glad you called the police and they actually came and did something.

justthecat · 03/08/2020 20:10

Glad you reported and they acted so fast

SneakyBlinder · 03/08/2020 20:10

So glad the police acted quickly and were there when he got home. I admire your strength OP. I hope you manage to get some rest 💐

forrestgreen · 03/08/2020 20:18

Amazing job

Namechange21212121 · 03/08/2020 20:37

Well done you! What a great role model you are to your daughter on how to set boundaries for yourself. You’re amazing 💐

VenusTiger · 03/08/2020 20:48

Hope you and children are okay OP - do they know? hope they're doing okay.

oldbagface · 03/08/2020 20:55

Sending you support op. You've done the right thing Flowers

jakeyboy1 · 03/08/2020 20:55

Well done for acting so quickly I hope you are ok.

TatianaBis · 03/08/2020 21:01

OP did they take away his laptop and all his devices?

Standrewsschool · 03/08/2020 21:07

Thinking of you. Can’t imagine how you must be feeling at the moment. You’ve got the mumsnet army all behind you and giving you virtual support.

Flowers
Pollypocket89 · 03/08/2020 21:11

How did he react, op?

sociallydistained · 03/08/2020 21:19

Have to say you were very brave, OP! He must of been so shocked when he was arrested!

timeisnotaline · 03/08/2020 21:56

It must be such a shock op. You’ve really done the right thing but look after yourself as it settles in.

Itsjustabitofbanter · 03/08/2020 22:39

Jesus Christ. What a fucking creep!

hammie46i · 03/08/2020 22:41

Well done OP... You've done the right thing. I'm so glad he was arrested. Hope you're OK.

Voice0fReason · 03/08/2020 23:10

Well done for acting so quickly. It must have been a whirlwind of a day.
Take care.

minimummum · 03/08/2020 23:19

Sounds like guilt. He's doing wrong but trying to blame you. Hope you are ok.

FATEdestiny · 03/08/2020 23:27

What has your husband said about the camera?

wowfudge · 03/08/2020 23:40

Have just read this - it can't be easy, but good on you for getting the police involved.

Gin4thewin · 03/08/2020 23:42

Good on you OP, for taking action so quickly and sticking to calling the police and following it through

Dazzband · 03/08/2020 23:49

Wow OP, I hope you're ok? What on earth did he think he was doing? Disgusting man!

lemurllama · 04/08/2020 00:11

Thank you, Mumsnet Army!

I don't know how he reacted or what he said. The police left at about 6:25pm with instructions for me to dial 999 and inform the operator of my CAD number as soon as my husband arrived home from work, so that they could send someone round to arrest him. I couldn't face him though and sat in the car on the drive until I saw him coming down the road, at which point I pulled away and dialled 999. (This was only a couple of minutes after the police had left.) As I got to the end of our road, the officers who'd been round my house were pulling back in as they'd suspected it was him they'd seen as they drive away, due to his distinctive vehicle. I therefore didn't see him as he was arrested and haven't seen him since.

My parents are staying at my house tonight because I'm now feeling quite scared. The police said they'd keep me informed, but it's now just gone midnight so has been 5.5 hours since he was arrested and I still haven't heard anything. I'm not sure that any of us are going to sleep well tonight.

My dad is going to change the lock on the front door tomorrow and I will have to seek legal advice but for now I'm taking it one (small) step at a time.

OP posts:
lemurllama · 04/08/2020 00:12

Apologies for typos and incoherent sentences. It's been a long and tiring day.

OP posts:
CheetasOnFajitas · 04/08/2020 00:13

Did you have your 7 year-old in the car with you?

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