Husband spying on me?

[lemurllama]

There is so much to this I barely know where to start! I will try to keep it short though...

As we got up this morning, my 7 year old (who had come into our bed in the early hours) said that the lights on her dad's side of the bed had been annoying her last night. I said it was just the red light of the phone showing it was on charge, and she replied "no, it wasn't just the red one; there was a blue light and a green light too."

Once she'd left the room, I had a look and my husband has set up a spy camera. It's poking through a tiny hole in a photo frame and is plugged in by his side of the bed so must be either permanently filming, or possibly set up to record when I enter the room.

I feel sick. He clearly doesn't trust me (not that he has any reason not to) and feels like a huge invasion of my privacy. I come out of the shower and get dressed in that room. We have had problems recently but I just can't believe he'd stoop this low.

I don't know what to do next. I've looked online and it seems he's not actually breaking any laws because it's in our own home. Why would he do this though? He must know I've seen it because it would have picked up on me looking at it (and I assume it's probably linked to his phone in some way). At the moment I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life about this, so would like some good advice from you guys whilst I consider my next steps.

Thank you.

[Guiltypleasures001]

You do know he's spying on the child as well?
Ide use that information when reporting him to the police

[sergeilavrov]

I guess it depends on what the missing ducks are. He’s been filming you and then film has been transmitting to his phone or a secondary device. I’d also dig a little with your daughter - is it possible she is trying to tell you something more about her dad? How come she could see the lights? If she features - even accidentally - in any state of undress and that camera has relayed the footage to his secondary device, he has just produced child pornography. In that case, he will be too busy dealing with the police to stop you getting ducks in a row. If you got the house, and 50% of all savings plus a lump for maintenance, would you be okay?

As some advice to anyone else who goes through this: these cameras almost always rely on WiFi. If you’re suspicious, turn the WiFi off before you examine items and this will protect you from being filmed. Many of these cameras have “night vision” so turning the lights off is not sufficient whereas claiming an internet outage gives you a cover.

[Tappering]

Take pictures of the camera and then pull it out and keep it. Don't leave it there so that he can deny it.

Then I'd call the police and finish by texting him to tell him that I know he's been secretly filming me, and to pack his fucking bags.

[sergeilavrov]

I absolutely agree with @Tappering, don’t give him any opportunity to hide or destroy evidence. Get hold of his credit card records too as that will give you a timeline as to how long he has been doing this.

[Aquamarine1029]

Op, you need to act very, very quickly. The police need to be informed immediately, and you must document everything you can find, the camera, credit card statements, bank records, etc.

[wantmorenow]

Police right now whilst he's out. It is illegal. You have the right to privacy in your own home as does your daughter.
I can't see how any relationship comes back from this so get all the support you can now whilst you are angry and have evidence and your daughter needs it.
There is nothing to be gained from confronting him in person as there is nothing on earth that can justify such a fundamental breach of trust.

[Bemorechicken]

Police right now. This is illegal. Filming you without your consent -illegal. I'd be calling a locksmith and changing all the locks and filing an emergency restraining order and occupation order.Now.

[Bemorechicken]

Also if the police weren't quick at attending -I tell them there could be naked pictures of you AND you 7 year old DC on there. So possibly of child pornography too.

[SteelyPanther]

@Bemorechicken

Also if the police weren't quick at attending -I tell them there could be naked pictures of you AND you 7 year old DC on there. So possibly of child pornography too.

This.
Ring them for advice.

[Aquamarine1029]

After you call the police, I would also be looking for cameras elsewhere in the home. Might he be tracking your phone and/or your car?

[Elsa8]

Ring the police and don’t let him back in the house! I’m so sorry OP.

[Lillygolightly]

I would be very tempted to do the following:

Get a sheet of paper and black marker pen and write him a not so lovely message e.g BUSTED you BASTARD!! Or whatever you fancy.

I would then hold that up in front of the camera. If he checks the camera from work which he may well be able to do as some of these have servers that you can log into from your phone through an app either way he will have a nice surprise/shock when he watches is it back!

[SneakyBlinder]

That’s awful OP. Such an invasion of privacy and in your own home too....the one place you should feel safe and at ease.

I would definitely involve the police. As pp have said, he’s also filming your child x

[BlueJava]

That's shocking OP. Certainly think about what you want to do in a rationale way and if they takes a few days to line things up then I wouldn't mention it but act normally. I hate to say it but I wouldn't know what someone was capable of if they could do this.

[oohyoudevilyou]

Whatever you do, get proof that he's spying on you as it may help if you need some kind of injunction or with divorce or custody matters. Get photos of the camera in situ and possibly take the camera itself as he'll know you've found it via the link to his phone anyway

[PlanDeRaccordement]

Check the rest of the house & confront him about it.
Do you think he may have them in whole house as a nanny cam to monitor the well being of your child with a babysitter and to ensure babysitter doesn’t steal your jewelry?

[oohyoudevilyou]

www.ncdv.org.uk/
This service is free and can get you an injunction within hours if needed (including the one that gets him out of the house)

[Serendipity79]

You need urgent police advice. My ex took pics of me naked and asleep and they took it really seriously once I discovered them and reported him. They will come and look at the camera and seize any devices that he has linked to them to run checks on whether he's been sharing footage.

[Lillygolightly]

Sorry got interrupted and posted to soon....

On a more serious note I would be very concerned especially the fact that your child is either directly or indirectly being filmed.

Whatever he is doing this for there is no innocent or nice explanation for it, you don’t even know if the footage he has on there is that he uses it for himself only or it uploading it on some dodgy website or god only knows where.

I know it may seem drastic to you but I would certainly get the police involved because whatever excuses he is going to give when you confront him with your knowledge it will absolutely not be the truth. I’d be happier if the police investigated it properly so that I could be sure that there went not any images of me or my child floating around in cyberspace.

[SirVixofVixHall]

Absolutely call the police and tell them what pps have pointed out, that there could be naked footage of both you and your daughter.
I imagine they will be round swiftly. Get them to see it in situ before he gets home. They need to take a look at the whole set up, he could be putting this onto the web.
And LTB , obv.
Deeply creepy and unforgivable thing to do.

[JamesZebra]

I think you should call the police too. It's not just you at risk- it is your child. There is some really good advice above and it sounds like they will take it pretty seriously.

There could be other cameras too.....I would want to know they were all gone

[Hopeisnotastrategy]

Don't play games, satisfying though that may be. You need to involve the police NOW so he can't destroy evidence. Can you secure his laptop/ tablet, eg place them in your locked car? You need to ring them immediately. Do not let him in if he returns.

[TokyoSushi]

Oh OP that's awful, might be have them anywhere else in the house?

I'd agree with others that I wouldn't be able to come back from this and you should go to the police.

[12309845653ghydrvj]

OP you need to ring the police ASAP. You don’t know what he has filmed (of you or your child) and what he might have done with the footage. The police should be able to seize his devices and ensure it doesn’t get spread further. Last thing you want to do is (a) confront him or threaten to leave when he has this in his posession as he may share it or (b) stay quiet to let him share th footage and film more. The police need to be involved NOW.