Husband spying on me?

[lemurllama]

There is so much to this I barely know where to start! I will try to keep it short though...

As we got up this morning, my 7 year old (who had come into our bed in the early hours) said that the lights on her dad's side of the bed had been annoying her last night. I said it was just the red light of the phone showing it was on charge, and she replied "no, it wasn't just the red one; there was a blue light and a green light too."

Once she'd left the room, I had a look and my husband has set up a spy camera. It's poking through a tiny hole in a photo frame and is plugged in by his side of the bed so must be either permanently filming, or possibly set up to record when I enter the room.

I feel sick. He clearly doesn't trust me (not that he has any reason not to) and feels like a huge invasion of my privacy. I come out of the shower and get dressed in that room. We have had problems recently but I just can't believe he'd stoop this low.

I don't know what to do next. I've looked online and it seems he's not actually breaking any laws because it's in our own home. Why would he do this though? He must know I've seen it because it would have picked up on me looking at it (and I assume it's probably linked to his phone in some way). At the moment I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life about this, so would like some good advice from you guys whilst I consider my next steps.

Thank you.

[SRS29]

So glad you have your parents with you OP, well done and stay strong

[supersop60]

Well done, OP. So sorry you're having to go through this.
Your H is a dick.

[Itsjustabitofbanter]

@FatCatThinCat please don’t be one of those telling people it’s illegal to check your own door locks. It’s really not

[Itsjustabitofbanter]

Change!

[FatCatThinCat]

@FatCatThinCat please don’t be one of those telling people it’s illegal to check your own door locks. It’s really not

But it is illegal to evict someone from their home without following due process.

[FatCatThinCat]

www.dbnylaw.com/can-i-change-the-locks-during-my-divorce/

[FatCatThinCat]

Ignore the previous link as that's an American law website. Here's a UK one but the advice is pretty much the same. It is unlawful to change the locks without the consent of your spouse.

mooney-everett.co.uk/separation/can-i-change-the-locks-on-my-house-after-separation/

[LannieDuck]

Wow, so sorry that happened OP. Not something you would ever expect. Hope you're feeling ok today.

[ThickFast]

Wow I’m so impressed with how you dealt with all this. Not sure I could have been so courageous.

[TreestumpsAndTrampolines]

From your link FatCatThinCat

If you change the locks without consent, your spouse may decide to employ a locksmith to gain entry, or they may take you to court for illegally excluding them. It is generally expected if your spouse moves out that they will not return unannounced and enter the house when you do not want them there. In fact, it could be a criminal offence for them to do so and you may wish to consider reporting such behaviour to the police.

I think I know what I'd be doing in this situation, and I think I'd be happy defending that decision to a court.

[MorningNinja]

Wow OP!

You've shown amazing strength and its great that the police have treated this the way they have.

[Velvet89]

I’d say why are you doing this? Do you not trust me? You must discuss this with him. Or Is he doing it because he wants to peek at you being naked in and out the shower etc? Just ask him in a joke way and say how come you’ve set a camera up there? What’s going on and let him explain no judgments. He’s either suffering with insecurity or he wants to look @ you naked.

[Feedingthebirds1]

Velvet89

Read the thread. Or at least the OP's posts.

[Itsjustabitofbanter]

@FatCatThinCat but the op is not evicting her husband from the house so both American and U.K. links are irrelevant. And it IS legal for you to change locks on your own property, though it is also legal for another homeowner to forcibly enter if they woah. Given the circumstances I don’t think the op’s husband would do this. So her best course of action imo would be for her to change the locks

[Itsjustabitofbanter]

@TreestumpsAndTrampolines agreed. No courts going to prosecute the op for this, even if it did get that far, which it won’t

[hammie46i]

@Velvet89

I’d say why are you doing this? Do you not trust me? You must discuss this with him. Or Is he doing it because he wants to peek at you being naked in and out the shower etc? Just ask him in a joke way and say how come you’ve set a camera up there? What’s going on and let him explain no judgments. He’s either suffering with insecurity or he wants to look @ you naked.

I don't understand how a woman could have this conversation calmly with her partner after he's been caught secretly filming her and her children potentially in a state of undress.

It would be like sitting down with a violent man and talking him through why he's hitting me. Surely the sensible and self-protective thing to do would be to call the police.

If he wants to peek at her getting out of the shower I'm sure he could catch a glimpse when she's getting out. They're living together. No one who wishes they could see their partner naked more often thinks, hey let's set up a secret camera then , to record her. It's beyond creepy.

[LadyLindaT]

My solicitor was duty bound to tell me that I couldn't change the locks. When I told him that my father had, he was so relieved!

[Standrewsschool]

Hope you are okay today.

[Bohoboo]

Hope you are ok OP. What a huge shock for you and how quickly things have moved on. Look after yourself

[Ermokthen]

Hope you’re ok op

[binkyblinky]

Hope you're ok OP!

[initfortheginwin]

Just wanted to say you are very brave OP. Well done for taking action.

[OrlandoInTheWilderness]

Oh well done OP. That is just horrific, how creepy is that.

[Namechangex10000]

Thinking of you and hope you’re ok op x

[AustinRd]

@lemurllama how are you holding up? Been thinking of you